Have I ever mentioned how thick some people are??????

[Iaing]

We had a very minor fire in the canteen at my work and one of the guys picked the kettle up to put it out.

One of the other guys ( I'll call him Andy 'cause that's his name ) shouts " Nooo don't use that its hot water !!

 

[rickg]

my first wife started a new job with a large company and on the day of the induction course, stuck her head round the door and to a full room said...."is this where the insemination is being done today?"...:clap:

 

[PhilTheFragger]

my first wife started a new job with a large company and on the day of the induction course, stuck her head round the door and to a full room said...."is this where the insemination is being done today?"...:clap:

Classic Rick. Wont ask if she got any offers

Fragger

 

[anotherdouble]

Why is it that when somebody hits your car they jump out of theirs and the 1st thing they say is 'sorry mate i didnt see you'. One time I just replied ' Look mate if you cant see a 1 ton rather large peice of metal thats only a few feet in front of you then you need more than specsavers. Was gobsmacked when he said' no need to be sarky pal'.

 

[big_russ]

I was stood in the post office the other day waiting to post some things I had sold on ebay and in front of me was the pro from the local driving range. As he approached the counter I couldn't believe it when he blurted out to the assistant " do you sell stamps". Can't help but snigger to myself every time I go to that range.

 

[Slime]

I used to run a motor vehicle workshop with my bro & my dad.
We regularly had people phoning up and saying ; "My car's just broken down. How much will it cost to fix it? "

We also had an uber stupid mechanic who once asked why Ireland was referred to as The Emerald Isle.
We explained that it rains a lot in Ireland & the countryside is usually very green, the same colour as emeralds.
"Why Isle?" came the unbelievable reply !!!


The best one though was a phone call I picked up near the end of another long day........it went like this.
Me : "Good afternoon, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER : "Oh hi, I'm just phoning up for a quote".
ME : "To be or not to be, that is the question".
CUSTOMER (After several seconds of silence) : "Sorry mate, wrong number".
He hung up & called us back a few seconds later..........someone else picked up.........he never knew.

Slime.

 

[USER1999]

We had a call on our technical help line.

Do you sell pir devices?

Yes.

Do you sell one with no out put terminals?

No. They all have output terminals.

Oh, well I only want one with input. Bye.


Why would you want a pir device, which can't switch anything on, as it has no output?

 

[Mark_G]

Why would you want a pir device, which can't switch anything on, as it has no output?

Thats obvious, you want to warn it in advance that it might see something (so it can look away), like a scary spider, or a burglar. Can you imagine how scared they must be, just sitting there watching but not able to move?

 

[Region3]

I worked in a Motor Factors for a long time. One Saturday morning we took a phone call and the guy said he needed some paint matching but didn't have the car or any parts from it so could we do it from a photo?

Obviously not ideal but we thought we'd have a go said said to him to bring it down and we'd see what we could do.

He came down, handed over the photo. It was black and white!

 

[CMAC]

Lol, there's some excellent candidates for the Darwin Awards of the future.

 

[need_my_wedge]

I worked in a Motor Factors for a long time. One Saturday morning we took a phone call and the guy said he needed some paint matching but didn't have the car or any parts from it so could we do it from a photo?

Obviously not ideal but we thought we'd have a go said said to him to bring it down and we'd see what we could do.

He came down, handed over the photo. It was black and white!

Just sprayed coffee on the keyboard at that one

 

[Bikky73]

My Mrs runs her own computer shop, and she's always getting people come in, look at the shelf with boxes of USB memory sticks, then come to the counter and ask, do you sell memory sticks, Then ask how much, when the prices are on the front of each box in a big yellow star.


We had a call at work querying a job advertised as "IT Network and Infrastructure Manager" (£35k) we were asked, "is that like with computers and stuff?" the answer was yes, they then stated "Oh good, I know about them, I've got a computer at home, its on the internet and that"

And one of my scuba diving mates, left the house going out diving. His mum called out, where you going?, he replied diving. She said, but its raining, you'll get wet.......