Golf - The unwritten rules....

[ADB]

The older the player, the baggier the shorts

 

[Jimaroid]

Waiting for a person in front to move out of your shot will lead to a 30 yard duff.

 

[backwoodsman]

A bowl of chips is also permissible.

Is only a sub clause ...

The full rule is that after the Swindle, any chip in any bowl on any table is fair game provided the taking of it is preceded by a "don't mind if I do, thanks ..."

 

[Jimaroid]

A dropped ball will always come to rest in the only place you didn't want.

 

[Jimaroid]

The person with the longest pre-shot routine will also be the person who has inhumanly selective hearing and will be disturbed by a sparrow farting half a mile away yet they can't hear you shout "that's good, pick it up" from 3 feet away and go on to putt out on every hole.

 

[nickjdavis]

A putt that is headed for the dead centre of the hole will always miss if one of your fellow competitors or playing partners congratulates you on a great putt, when the ball is still a foot from the hole.

 

[robert.redmile]

When asked what your score was in a stableford comp, you MUST answer, "x points, with y blobs".
(because of course, quantifying the blobs always makes it seems that you played better than the score would indicate, and that without them you'd have scored very well)
its abit like saying in a stroke play event, "I scored 66 on 15 holes, but also,scored 3 x 8s)
nobody cares!

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

Not entering the medal results in your best round of the year

 

[Golfmmad]

When your pp misses a putt, you must announce that he did not talk to his ball.

You miss that 6 foot putt for 1 point, then nonchantly knock in the 10ft return!

Your playing partner hooks his drive deep in the trees left, then announces, " I've never been in there before".

He then says after a wild slice, "Well it started off alright, then the wind got hold of it".

 

[GB72]

A ball is never hooked, it had too much draw on it

 

[Deleted member 16999]

When someone completely misreads the line missing a putt, someone has to say, You got the pace spot on!

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

Even on what appears to all to be a dead calm day, one of your group will miss a green and observe that "there's more of a breeze up there than you'd think".

 

[backwoodsman]

Try as you may, it is not possible to hold in a fart during someone else's backswing.

Or is that just me?

 

[Smiffy]

Your opponents ball will hit a tree square on and always bounce back out into the fairway.
Yours, on the other hand, will hit the same tree and bounce OOB.

 

[Smiffy]

If both you and your opponent miss the fairway, yours will be the ball that is buried down in the rough, whereas your opponents ball will be the one sitting up like a dogs bollock.
This can normally be ascertained from at least 25 yards away.

 

[Smiffy]

When you and your opponent both hit your balls into the same bunker, yours is the one that is either on the downslope, or plugged in the face, whereas the one sitting on a nice fluffy piece of sand in the perfect position will be your opponents.
Again, this can be ascertained from 25 yards away.
(Notice a trend here????)

 

[chico]

Always ignoring your inner voice telling you your not "seve" just before trying a shot your not capable of.

 

[Tongo]

Always ignoring your inner voice telling you your not "seve" just before trying a shot your not capable of.

Or, alternatively, pulling off a miraculous escape and proclaiming: "Seve like!"

 

[Slab]

For any under hit putt, one of your group will trot out the lipstick/handbag line and believe they're being witty and original

 

[North Mimms]

The longest putt that you sink all season will be for an eight.

On a Par 3