Dropping the ego

[G_Mulligan]

Confidence from failure is a hard sell for me. If any part of your game becomes better you should see your scores improve (on average). However, I do see where you're coming from as golf is a game of many areas so you can have the ball striking round of your life and fail to score well- but if you see yourself as a bad golfer because of one round then you don't understand the game.

A pro playing in round 4 of a major with a chance to win. Ego or mastery? Ego you say....do they think "I am a bad golfer" after a bad score? Doubt it. Why not though and why can't we all do this? Is the answer " I am actually a bad golfer!"? No shame in that, just sort it out starting with the weakest areas. I'm not a fan of the 'medals for participation' mindset.

Moving on- In the moment you realise that you have snap hooked a drive out of bounds are you able to think positively being a "mastery gofer"? Personally, I'm gutted but then I try to recover mentally for the next shot. One shot at a time is the thinking for me not mastery v ego.

As for your sliding scale, where would you put me? I always strive to enjoy my golf but when I play with friends or I'm playing to practice I care less about my score. When I play in a comp it's all about the score- the better it is the happier I am. I got cut last week as I shot a nett 65 on a par 70- confidence was high I had a great time. At the range on Tues I shanked loads of balls and after that confidence was low.

Do I need categorising or would this be complicating things?

It is not necessarily about gaining confidence from failure although that is possible depending on the circumstances, it is about maintaining confidence in the face of adversity. Seeing flaws and perceived failures as challenges to overcome. Like you said there will be very few rounds when when everything goes wrong and similarly when everything goes right. If you can separate the good from the bad and take confidence from what went right and use the not so good stuff as feedback to work on then you can gain and maintain confidence over time.

The pro ranks can be even more ego orientated than the rest of us and certain players can never be the same after blowing a chance when the world is watching. More likely this could build over time if they regularly fail in certain areas or at certain times. Human beings (like most mammals) are hard wired to remember negative experiences, it keeps us alive and free from harm. The memories of these experiences are remembered far more vividly and emotionally than good experiences. Unlike animals though we also dwell on them and worry about more in the future. What we have to do is make a conscious decision to remember the good and forget the bad and use certain techniques to help us do that.

The ego/mastery scale as I said is not one or the other. Tiger and Nicklaus were both incredibly competitive, loved winning and hated losing. They were also mastery golfers though able to park their ego and work very hard at improving throughout their careers taking confidence from the good and playing down the bad. They were able to change the facts to suit them and shape their own realities. Being a mastery golfer does not mean you are not competitive, but it does mean that victory and defeat does not define you or predict your future.

Obviously I would prefer not to snap hook a drive oob but I do not allow that shot to define me as a golfer anymore like I used to with my slice. I can separate that result and view it as part of the process of continued improvement. If you are overly ego orientated then it would be difficult to push that away and make a free swing on the next shot or hole. If you can do that then great but some golfers can't and prefer to let it beat them up and effect their confidence and the rest of their round.

As you say it is too complicated to put your position on a scale which would require at least 1 if not 2 or 3 questionnaires and then analyse and discuss the results. You do seem to be a little towards the ego side of things if you do take confidence from each individual round and lose confidence after one bad range session. Depending on circumstances those shanks could be due to a number of things and by thinking about them clearly and viewing them as a challenge to overcome you can take plenty from that range session which will help you improve for next time. If you become angry and emotional about them then you take nothing but a knock to your confidence and a bad mood away with you. Similarly after your great round, which of course it was and you are right to enjoy it and feel confident about it. If you are looking to constantly improve though it is important to look at those shots you played and learn from them. How can you repeat them next time and what can you do better to improve even more.

 

[bladeplayer]

Ok firstly I don't mean playing with a chip on your shoulder or being an arrogant person or golfer necessarily. By ego I mean focussed on results. Do you dwell on your score, your results and those of other golfers? Do you care more about how others perceive you as a golfer than perhaps you do yourself? Can you enjoy a game of golf without playing well or even while playing badly? Do you get embarrassed and frustrated by poor shots/holes/rounds?

Ok i was with you here Greg , & these are the type of questions id expect

This was me. I started to fall out of love with golf about 10 weeks ago. My scores were not coming down, I was trying to avoid mistakes especially when playing in comps with strangers. I felt constantly judged by other golfers especially doing what I do and yet having such a high handicap. I made a 2-3 week neck injury last 8 weeks. I stopped coming on this very forum because I was sick of being judged (real and imagined) based on that bloody number that defined me as a golfer.

Here i see you suffering from what you are trying to help the above with , an alcoholic telling me to stop drinking or smoker telling me i shouldnt smoke

Last week I went out in a comp with two players I have never me before I shot 102 of the indigo's over the round I lost three balls oob, one in the water and shot a 12 on the par 5 17th with 4 shots from one bunker. I can honestly say I have never ever enjoyed golf more.

In this it seems to me you and i have total different aims in golf , im not sure how anyone who could be happy playing like that cant understand how anyone could have enjoyed golf more , might have enjoyed the company or the walk but in no way the golf , i cannot relate to this so im not sure how you in return can relate to me as im the exact opposite ..

I no longer cared what they thought, I no longer cared about my short term score on any given day. I have spent the last month reading and absorbing everything I can find on Flow, Kaizen, Mindfulness and anything and everything else I can get my hands on in that area. The most important thing I have learned is that Mastery beats Ego in the long run.

How can you realy master something if you dont care about short term score on any day , no offence but you can read all you like but proper practice will lead to mastering something , not reading . anfd with proper practice comes caring about scores & ball striking etc..

Mastery orientated people care about the process of long term improvement not quick fixes and short term scores. A mastery mindset will insulate you from what others think and having to impress. Mastery will make your practice sessions far more focussed and effective and your golf way way more enjoyable. Golf has this overwhelming undeniable yard stick that follows you everywhere. What is the first question you get asked by other golfers or friends/family members after a round..."how did you play?" followed in a close second by "What did you shoot?" What do people ask when they find out you are a golfer "What is your handicap?" The ego trap in laid everywhere and you must make a conscious decision to ignore it.

This i found a bit heavy , i wouldnt class myself as a master at thinking or playing , to me desire will make your practice more focussed , if im struggling with a shot il practice it and play it over & over til i get it , i wont read & read about it , i defo dont ask people what their handicap is , i normally ask where do you play out of , i dont care what people play of , i think when you are concerned with improving your game you dont ask , why ? because it doesnt bother you (well me) in the least i only worry bout my own game ..

In a separate thread someone was asking if something another golfer was trying had worked, had it reduced his or anyone else's handicap. Someone else claimed they were gullable suckers wasting money and yet another called it 'guff'. His reply was an almost perfect reply of a mastery mindset. His handicap has gone up but he did not avoid the question. He is enjoying golf more than ever and more importantly enjoying the process of long term improvement. He is dedicated to this new way of thinking and playing and confident it will work in the long run. I would wish him luck but he genuinely does not need it

.

Again i wont knock NWT or any of your ideas but to me time on the couch (chair) would be better spent on the range or the course ..

Good luck with all your work

 

[G_Mulligan]

But I am a psychologist I have to spend time in a chair reading, it's part of the job. Obviously I can't improve my technique from there but I focussed my research into one or two key areas and it ran true with the way I used to think when playing and practicing golf. Reading helped me to realise I was not practicing what I preach and so I changed and will continue to do so day after day until I am where I want to be.

I don't see how you can't understand my new mind set and enjoyment based on what I have said even if it is not for you. I had been shooting in the 94-96 range for a while and practicing regularly but not really with the correct frame of mind and becoming very frustrated at my lack of improvement based on my scores. I then went out after 2 weeks of much more diligent and focussed practice having not played in around 10 weeks. The difference in my thinking was fantastic, I was liberated from concerns of having to play well and worries of looking bad. I could concentrate on the good parts of my game and take the bad shots and come up with a plan to fix them diligently over time. I could play relaxed and with a smile on my face knowing my game would come together and it does not matter if that is this week, next week or next year. I can see the incremental improvements and I have 100% confidence it will all come together and my handicap will take care of itself.

 

[bladeplayer]

But I am a psychologist I have to spend time in a chair reading, it's part of the job. Obviously I can't improve my technique from there but I focussed my research into one or two key areas and it ran true with the way I used to think when playing and practicing golf. Reading helped me to realise I was not practicing what I preach and so I changed and will continue to do so day after day until I am where I want to be.

I don't see how you can't understand my new mind set and enjoyment based on what I have said even if it is not for you. I had been shooting in the 94-96 range for a while and practicing regularly but not really with the correct frame of mind and becoming very frustrated at my lack of improvement based on my scores. I then went out after 2 weeks of much more diligent and focussed practice having not played in around 10 weeks. The difference in my thinking was fantastic, I was liberated from concerns of having to play well and worries of looking bad. I could concentrate on the good parts of my game and take the bad shots and come up with a plan to fix them diligently over time. I could play relaxed and with a smile on my face knowing my game would come together and it does not matter if that is this week, next week or next year. I can see the incremental improvements and I have 100% confidence it will all come together and my handicap will take care of itself.

& the very best of luck with that mate , im not closed minded enough to think my way is the only way , my attitude is , if it works for you , fill your boots ,

Good luck with both

 

[G_Mulligan]

So today was a bit of a breakthrough in bringing together what I have been doing over the last few weeks. I started ok but a few poor swings thrown in but kept going and turned in 18 points. Then I nailed a hybrid off the 10th and never looked back, the swing was where it had been threatening for a while. My head was clear of previous clutter, I was calm and confident and I just let it happen. I got a bit ahead of myself by the 15th but stayed loose and focussed on each shot and came back with 23 points.

Long way to go and plenty to work on and improve for next time but the frame of mind I am in I know anything is possible and just can't wait to get back on the practice ground to keep working my flaws out and make the good stuff better and more consistent.

 

[SGC001]

G_mulligan: have you any idea what part golf pschology / psychologists may play in the set up of golf coaching in your localitity e.g. county coaching? Have you thought about seeing if you could involved in that or what you may have to do to be able to get involved in it?

 

[chrisd]

I have ready plenty on golf psychology, had plenty of lesson and my form has, like most on here, has gone from bad to good and yo yo'd about along with my handicap but feel these days I hit the ball better than I've ever done.

What I would say is that there is a clear distinction between the psychology and the practical swing. I personally feel that most people who work hard on, and practise, the mechanics of the swing can get to a mid teen handicap quite easily. I understand that panic on the first tee or a wedge over a pond brings it's own mental issues, but a good technique will largely overcome the self doubt. I found that as my handicap came nearer to 10 that I used the psychology more to try and save just a couple of shots here and there by a better thought process, rather than a band aid to a poor action.


One other thing that came home to me a few years ago is that you can't play well if you put pressure on yourself to do so. I had times when I stood on the first tee and said to myself that I've got to score well and get my handicap down today, it didn't happen because I put too much pressure on myself. I realised, seeing the leading golfer being asked in interviews, what their plan for the final round was, and, without exception the answer always was " I'm going to try and enjoy myself and see how it goes" well I realised that is all you can do and if you're relaxed and play well you can do well and, in our case, as amateurs, better our score and get a handicap cut.

So I'd say, get good lessons, practise hard and enjoy playing

 

[G_Mulligan]

I have ready plenty on golf psychology, had plenty of lesson and my form has, like most on here, has gone from bad to good and yo yo'd about along with my handicap but feel these days I hit the ball better than I've ever done.

What I would say is that there is a clear distinction between the psychology and the practical swing. I personally feel that most people who work hard on, and practise, the mechanics of the swing can get to a mid teen handicap quite easily. I understand that panic on the first tee or a wedge over a pond brings it's own mental issues, but a good technique will largely overcome the self doubt. I found that as my handicap came nearer to 10 that I used the psychology more to try and save just a couple of shots here and there by a better thought process, rather than a band aid to a poor action.


One other thing that came home to me a few years ago is that you can't play well if you put pressure on yourself to do so. I had times when I stood on the first tee and said to myself that I've got to score well and get my handicap down today, it didn't happen because I put too much pressure on myself. I realised, seeing the leading golfer being asked in interviews, what their plan for the final round was, and, without exception the answer always was " I'm going to try and enjoy myself and see how it goes" well I realised that is all you can do and if you're relaxed and play well you can do well and, in our case, as amateurs, better our score and get a handicap cut.

So I'd say, get good lessons, practise hard and enjoy playing

Whilst much of what you said is true some of the stuff I have been reading recently has really opened my eyes to a number of new avenues that I can take golf psychology. Not just overcoming individual problems but creating a positive mental state for play and practice that is conducive to flow. It brings together a number of different aspects including main stays such as confidence, focus and handling pressure but takes them all to a whole new level.

I agree a good technique is the most important and the ultimate goal, I have never viewed psychology as a band aid or an alternative to practice. I would always assume my clients will practice and take lessons but if I did get someone who didn't I would certainly be able to enjoy their golf more and help them play better in other ways. The way I go about practicing in order to improve has now totally changed. It is amazing how free and calm I am know on the course, how patient and diligent I am in practice. Those days when I used to heap pressure on myself to play well and the frustration of not improving my scores even though I had lessons and practiced are gone and never to return. If I have a bad round like last week thats ok, I can look at the positives and use the faults as feedback I can enjoy it as part of the overall process and see the bigger picture like I never could before. Golf is telling me what I need to practice and improve and I just need to take notice and go fix it. On days like today when I got into a flow state on the back 9 it was the most amazing feeling.

 

[G_Mulligan]

G_mulligan: have you any idea what part golf pschology / psychologists may play in the set up of golf coaching in your localitity e.g. county coaching? Have you thought about seeing if you could involved in that or what you may have to do to be able to get involved in it?

It is certainly something I have thought about but I wanted to work with individuals first and grow my reputation within one or two clubs and push on from there. I will contact them in the future and ask if that is something they have a need for or use already and see if there is a way in

 

[SocketRocket]

1) There are two types of golf shots. a: Good ones. b: learning ones.

2) When you can walk on rice paper with spikes on and not leave a mark then you will learn a secret Grasshopper!

 

[chrisd]

Whilst much of what you said is true some of the stuff I have been reading recently has really opened my eyes to a number of new avenues that I can take golf psychology. Not just overcoming individual problems but creating a positive mental state for play and practice that is conducive to flow. It brings together a number of different aspects including main stays such as confidence, focus and handling pressure but takes them all to a whole new level.

I agree a good technique is the most important and the ultimate goal, I have never viewed psychology as a band aid or an alternative to practice. I would always assume my clients will practice and take lessons but if I did get someone who didn't I would certainly be able to enjoy their golf more and help them play better in other ways. The way I go about practicing in order to improve has now totally changed. It is amazing how free and calm I am know on the course, how patient and diligent I am in practice. Those days when I used to heap pressure on myself to play well and the frustration of not improving my scores even though I had lessons and practiced are gone and never to return. If I have a bad round like last week thats ok, I can look at the positives and use the faults as feedback I can enjoy it as part of the overall process and see the bigger picture like I never could before. Golf is telling me what I need to practice and improve and I just need to take notice and go fix it. On days like today when I got into a flow state on the back 9 it was the most amazing feeling.

But to play off 26 suggests various poor swing problems or alternately one or two really bad ones. These aren't going to be solved by psychology, although I really do believe in it, but no amount of poor technique is going to be resolved by mind control. To improve I think it's important to analyse where you lose the bulk of your shots, driving, chipping, putting or whatever, and work solely on that until it's not the weakest link anymore and then something else will be the obvious weak link and the thing to concentrate on next but hopefully a good coach will sort out any major swing faults first.

 

[G_Mulligan]

But to play off 26 suggests various poor swing problems or alternately one or two really bad ones. These aren't going to be solved by psychology, although I really do believe in it, but no amount of poor technique is going to be resolved by mind control. To improve I think it's important to analyse where you lose the bulk of your shots, driving, chipping, putting or whatever, and work solely on that until it's not the weakest link anymore and then something else will be the obvious weak link and the thing to concentrate on next but hopefully a good coach will sort out any major swing faults first.

Sorry mate but not sure of your point? It's like you are repeating what I just said but somehow disagreeing.

 

[TheClaw]

But to play off 26 suggests various poor swing problems or alternately one or two really bad ones. These aren't going to be solved by psychology, although I really do believe in it, but no amount of poor technique is going to be resolved by mind control. To improve I think it's important to analyse where you lose the bulk of your shots, driving, chipping, putting or whatever, and work solely on that until it's not the weakest link anymore and then something else will be the obvious weak link and the thing to concentrate on next but hopefully a good coach will sort out any major swing faults first.

I totally agree with you but I'm waiting for the 'how psychology can help you practice' answer. Obviously since we think about the way we go about things psychology will be able to be justified. However, I think all this flow, zen, zone, ego etc etc is unnecessary.

Identify your weaknesses....sort them out with appropriate practice.
This will lead to better golf shots.
This will lead to improved confidence.
This will lead to better scores.

 

[garyinderry]

Quick point. Until you get to a certain skill level, psychology will only play a minimal part of your development as a player.


Using psychology you can change your enjoyment of the game at any stage. Although, I've never struggled to enjoyed the game myself even when I was completely rubbish. At that time in my life/golfing life, didn't know any thing about handicaps, I just played for fun.

Looking at scores and focusing on handicaps at an early stage to a new golfer could be detrimental to their development as a golfer.


This is a new way of thinking with modern youth sports. They don't play to find winners. Just to enjoy it and expand their knowledge of that game. The time for proper competition comes when they are actually ready to compete, not during development.

 

[chrisd]

Sorry mate but not sure of your point? It's like you are repeating what I just said but somehow disagreeing.

I am saying, I hope, that anyone worrying about the mental side of golf when playing badly off 26 is not putting 95% of the emphasis where it needs to be. I do agree with a lot you say, I'm a firm believer in using the mental side, but there is a point in golf, as the two posts just after mine say, that thinking psychology will "help them play better in other ways" is unlikely to be the case. If after hitting your 15th drive in to the woods then no amount of mental help will stop the 16th from doing what maybe a, pro taught, grip change could accomplish!

 

[Fish]

I need help with my bar skittles, I lose control of my legs towards the end of the night and forget if I've won or lost by the next morning, what should I concentrate my thoughts on to overcome this dilemma?

 

[Smiffy]

I need to find a way of losing the silly holes

And you honestly think lessons, practice, lessons, practice and yet more lessons and practice are the way to do this????
I can be sailing along having a great game and then suddenly come to a hole that I totally cock up.
I walk off of it cursing myself for playing it like a prat but the thought of having a lesson to sort it out doesn't even enter my head.

 

[sandmagnet]

I need help with my bar skittles, I lose control of my legs towards the end of the night and forget if I've won or lost by the next morning, what should I concentrate my thoughts on to overcome this dilemma?

Stop drinking Stella and move onto the carling :ears:

 

[G_Mulligan]

I totally agree with you but I'm waiting for the 'how psychology can help you practice' answer. Obviously since we think about the way we go about things psychology will be able to be justified. However, I think all this flow, zen, zone, ego etc etc is unnecessary.

Identify your weaknesses....sort them out with appropriate practice.
This will lead to better golf shots.
This will lead to improved confidence.
This will lead to better scores.

I have already given several examples as to how psychology can help you practice better and also take it to the course. How dropping the ego from golf can help play with more enjoyment and perform under pressure. Flow can be hugely beneficial to performance if you can open your mind to the concept. If you don't want to or fail to see the point, as I said before, go to it just get on playing the way you want. I am posting here to perhaps help those with similar problems that I have had to overcome them. Golfers who identify with some of the things I am saying but didn't know it was a problem or how to think differently.

I have seen many posts from people who have practiced and had lessons but failed to improve, golfers who say they hit it great on the range but can't take it to the course. Can play well for the front nine then it falls apart or start badly and only get it together when it is too late or not at all and leave the course angry and frustrated. If thats not you then great you don't need my help but perhaps others do.

 

[G_Mulligan]

But to play off 26 suggests various poor swing problems or alternately one or two really bad ones. These aren't going to be solved by psychology, although I really do believe in it, but no amount of poor technique is going to be resolved by mind control. To improve I think it's important to analyse where you lose the bulk of your shots, driving, chipping, putting or whatever, and work solely on that until it's not the weakest link anymore and then something else will be the obvious weak link and the thing to concentrate on next but hopefully a good coach will sort out any major swing faults first.

I am saying, I hope, that anyone worrying about the mental side of golf when playing badly off 26 is not putting 95% of the emphasis where it needs to be. I do agree with a lot you say, I'm a firm believer in using the mental side, but there is a point in golf, as the two posts just after mine say, that thinking psychology will "help them play better in other ways" is unlikely to be the case. If after hitting your 15th drive in to the woods then no amount of mental help will stop the 16th from doing what maybe a, pro taught, grip change could accomplish!

At no point have I said 'mind control' can help overcome a swing fault or poor technique. I have basically said the exact same thing as you with regards to identifying weak points of the game and working to improve them but with the addition that a clearer mind set and developing a mastery not ego orientation can help in this process and avoid frustration and self doubt.

Lets say you have hit every drive of the day into the woods, you have had lessons and trying to implement the new grip, takeaway, transition, plane, or whatever it may be. You keep slicing or hooking, you get angry, frustrated and embarrassed each time it happens. You are tight and tense, sure that the next will go the same way as the last. What if you can stop all of that right there, relax, breath, remove the tension and the doubt. Accept that the changes have not come together yet but be patient that they will eventually. Just swing loose and free, stop trying to fix the swing on the course but swing with freedom and a clear quiet mind. Perhaps you still will hit into the woods but I guarantee the chances will be reduced and you will punish yourself less if you do.

Everything I have said has not been about focussing or worrying about mental side of things. It has been about removing certain negative aspects, approaching golf with a new way of thinking and tackling the problems in your game with a clear mind and a diligent focus and patience which will carry over onto the course in time.