Your Best Golfing One Liner

[Doon frae Troon]

My one was at St Kissocks last year.
Playing an away day we were told by the Starter that there were two four balls of Americans about 30 minutes ahead.
We caught up to them on the second.
They were deadly slow and the eight caddies looked embarrassed.
They were not hackers but mainly in the 50 to 60 age group. Two were dressed head to foot ala Ricki Fowler and at least five of them were 8 months pregnant [or the male equivelant.]
The second four ball let us through on the 4th and my playing partner said that the two Ricki Fowlers looked like a pair of circus clowns.
We were running out of patience by the 7th where we had to wait for them to search for balls in the big hollow. I commented that they were just a bunch of jokers.

We were standing in the middle of the fairway after a couple of good drives when I said

'Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right and here I am stuck in the middle with you.'

[RIP Gerry Rafferty]

 

[chrisd]

a few years back, we had played a fourball and afterwards were standing in the queue to order some lunch at the counter. It was my turn and there was a fair bit of banter going on with the chef involved as I dithered about what to have. I finally decided and the the chef said "what about the vegetables" and I heard myself say "they can order their own" as I wandered off

 

[6inchcup]

i have played in a few celebrity/am comps over the years and played with a well known scouse comedian(!!!!!) who was the worst person i have ever played with for being up his own arse,the 4 ball consisted of myself, the celeb a chap from some add agency and a builder from Leeds,the celebrity teed off and in a loud voice so the people on the first could hear said" well that's the start of 5 hours of boredom!!" as the builder placed his ball on the tee in an equally loud voice said "yes,a bit like watching one of your shows!!" crowd roured with laughter,i wondered why celeb (J.T) never spoke to him after .

 

[Doon frae Troon]

Nice one 6 inch,Tarbut was always such a pillowk on the golf course. [and the stage]

I think it was the legendry Eric Brown who, when asked about the prospects of a match play opponent said,
'Him, a could beat him playing wi a gum boot and an orange'.

 

[Deleted member 1418]

I thought JustOne's about me last Monday at Camberley Heath: "On the tee...........representing Ginsters".

Good job I hit a perfect drive straight down the middle and was therefore in a good mood.....! :whoo:

 

[drawboy]

I was playing once with a portly chap, on the tee he announced "This hole suits my shape" I said "What! round is it"?