Tashyboy
Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
I complained to Amazon yesterday about a missing parcel so they asked me to send photographic evidence......
Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
- Start date
jim8flog
Journeyman Pro
Customer: "We bought a computer from you yesterday and it won’t turn on."
Tech Support: "Press the big button."
Customer: "I have."
Tech Support: "Try the cord at the back — maybe it’s disconnected?"
Customer: "I’ll get a flashlight. Don’t go away!"
Tech Support: "Press the big button."
Customer: "I have."
Tech Support: "Try the cord at the back — maybe it’s disconnected?"
Customer: "I’ll get a flashlight. Don’t go away!"
Slime
Tour Winner
The vodka in my local shop just went up a penny to £20.
Sod that!
I'm still going to party like it's £19. 99.
Sod that!
I'm still going to party like it's £19. 99.
nickjdavis
Head Pro
The secret to a successful marriage...
venger
Well-known member
Norrin Radd
Tour Winner
To all those that don't like what I post.
I hope you have to pee three times tonight and only wake up twice
I hope you have to pee three times tonight and only wake up twice
Slime
Tour Winner
....................... and your next poo is a porcupine.
Slime
Tour Winner
Slime
Tour Winner
venger
Well-known member
PhilTheFragger
Provider of Entertainment for the Golfing Gods 🙄
SatchFan
Q-School Graduate
jim8flog
Journeyman Pro
Slime
Tour Winner
Slime
Tour Winner
Paddy had been drinking at his local pub all day and most of the night, celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
Mick, the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’.
Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
‘Damn’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ‘oh bleedin damn!’
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
‘Be-Jesus... I’m in bleedin trouble,’ he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says ‘No bleedin way....’
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed’. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ‘damn it’ and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?’
Paddy says, ‘I did, Jess. I was bleedin hammered. But how did you know?’
‘Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub'.
Mick, the bartender says, ‘You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy’.
Paddy replies, ‘OK Mick, I’ll be on my way then’. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
‘Damn’ he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ‘oh bleedin damn!’
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
‘Be-Jesus... I’m in bleedin trouble,’ he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.
He takes a look up the stairs and says ‘No bleedin way....’
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says ‘I can make it to the bed’. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says ‘damn it’ and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, ‘Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?’
Paddy says, ‘I did, Jess. I was bleedin hammered. But how did you know?’
‘Mick phoned .. . . You left your wheelchair at the pub'.
AussieKB
Well-known member
AussieKB
Well-known member
AussieKB
Well-known member
The Madam opened the brothel door in New York City and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
“May I help you, sir?” she asked.
The man replied, “I want to see Rosie.”
She said, “Sir, Rosie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you'd prefer someone else.”
He replied, “No, I must see Rosie.”
Just then, Rosie appeared and announced that she charged $10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out the cash and handed it to her. They went upstairs. After an hour, he calmly left.
The next night, the man returned and again asked for Rosie. She was surprised — no one had ever come back two nights in a row. “There are no discounts,” she said. “The price is still $10,000.”
Again, the man paid in full, and they went upstairs.
On the third night, he showed up again. Everyone was stunned. But he paid the same $10,000, and up they went.
After their time together, Rosie asked, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”
“Brooklyn,” he replied.
She said, “Really? I have family in Brooklyn!”
“I know,” he said. “Your sister died. I’m her lawyer. She asked me to deliver your $30,000 inheritance.”
Moral of the story:
Three things in life are certain:
Death
Taxes
And being screwed by a lawyer... 
“May I help you, sir?” she asked.
The man replied, “I want to see Rosie.”
She said, “Sir, Rosie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you'd prefer someone else.”
He replied, “No, I must see Rosie.”
Just then, Rosie appeared and announced that she charged $10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out the cash and handed it to her. They went upstairs. After an hour, he calmly left.
The next night, the man returned and again asked for Rosie. She was surprised — no one had ever come back two nights in a row. “There are no discounts,” she said. “The price is still $10,000.”
Again, the man paid in full, and they went upstairs.
On the third night, he showed up again. Everyone was stunned. But he paid the same $10,000, and up they went.
After their time together, Rosie asked, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”
“Brooklyn,” he replied.
She said, “Really? I have family in Brooklyn!”
“I know,” he said. “Your sister died. I’m her lawyer. She asked me to deliver your $30,000 inheritance.”
Moral of the story:
Three things in life are certain:
Death Taxes And being screwed by a lawyer... nickjdavis
Head Pro
venger
Well-known member
