Laughter - the best medicine

[Slime]

 

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Waiter : "How do you like your steak, sir?"

Me : "Like winning an argument with my wife."

Waiter : "Rare it is, then."

 

[Slime]

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.
"Bollocks", he says, with anger and sadness in his eyes, "the word was celebrate!"

 

[jim8flog]

 

[Slime]

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5."
The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah."
Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped:



"They won't let me in without a bleedin' tie!”

 

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[Dando]

It’s disgusting that people are letting off fireworks so early.
My dog is so scared, he’s hiding under the Xmas tree

 

[Dando]

 

[Blue in Munich]

For Slime…

 

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[Imurg]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1579031408299106305

 

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This could be a younger me!

 

[Dando]