H.I.V. 664

[Smiffy]

Young lad goes to the doctors 'cos he's not feeling too well. Doc runs a few tests on him and after a few minutes turns round and says "I'm sorry to have to tell you Mr Jones, but you've got HIV664"
"HIV664?" says the guy. "What's HIV664?"
"Unfortunately it's a new strain of H.I.V. and you've only got 3 days to live"
The lad is distraught. He goes home to his Mum, really upset.
"What's the matter love?" says his Mum.
"I've got HIV664" he says, "and I'm going to be dead in 3 days!!"
"Never mind dear" says Mum. "Why not come to bingo with me tonight and try to cheer yourself up. You never know, your luck might change"
So off they go to the local bingo hall. The lad can't go wrong. He wins everything!! Four corners, top line, middle line, full house, you name it he wins it.
As he goes up to receive his prize money, the guy handing the cash out says "bloody hell mate. You've cleaned up tonight. How lucky are you!!!"
"Lucky? LUCKY?????? You must be joking. I've got HIV664" says the lad.
"HIV664?" says the cashier. "Feck me, you've only won the bloody raffle as well!!"

 

[pokerjoke]

Thought it was nikes new driver,funny though

 

[drawboy]

nice one Smifster
Try this one
A fella goes up to a man in a pub who is covered in acne and says innocently, VD? The man turns round and nuts the poor guy sending him to the floor. He gets back up and wipes his nose. He says to the man at the side of him who has cold sores on his lip, VD? Wallop! the man puts one on his chin and knocks him over again. He gets up again and goes up to the man at the fruit machine who has snot coming out of his nose and cotton wool in his ears and asks again VD? Yes, replies the guy. Thank god for that says the lad bleeding, you've won the football card!

 

[Yerman]

.. -not a classic.

 

[stevek1969]

Thought it was nikes new driver,funny though

No mate its Tigers number at the clinic

 

[big_russ]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '£ 250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have football boots.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'

Boy - '£750'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'
The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'

The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a £1,000..'

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sins.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.


The boy says, 'Dark in here'..

The priest says, 'Don't start that again you little [****], you're in my cupboard now'!!

 

[Bigfoot]

I like that one.