williamalex1
Money List Winner
After writing my new will , i shouted through to my wife " thats it finished , i'm leaving everything to you now . She shouted back " you've been doing that for years, you lazy git."
Last edited:
funnies
- Thread starter williamalex1
- Start date
chrisd
Major Champion
The wife jut said that her brother was going to London for a lecture!
I said why doesn't he pop round here and save the train fare?
I'm watching the Arsenal game in some silence now!
I said why doesn't he pop round here and save the train fare?
I'm watching the Arsenal game in some silence now!
DappaDonDave
Journeyman Pro
I either don't get that joke or its not funny.
Is the brother suppose to be going to watch arsenal?...but called it a lecture?
Slime
Tour Winner
Actually, I thought it was very good.
I think chrisd is intimating that his wife is pretty good at giving lectures.
Slime.
chrisd
Major Champion
Thanks Slime for the explanation. It's an absolutely true story and did happen this evening!
SocketRocket
Ryder Cup Winner
I've not spoken to my Mother in Law for 6 months. I dont like to interrupt her.
williamalex1
Money List Winner
If you don't have a sense of humour don't read funnies, sarcasm is on another thread .
DappaDonDave
Journeyman Pro
We'll give you two secs to untwist those knickers...
"I can see for miles."
Said Miles's guide dog, quite unexpectedly."
Darth Fader
Club Champion
I walked into the living room tonight, the curtains were drawn, everything else looked real enough.
chrisd
Major Champion
........... And you said mine wasn't funny?
Jay Gee
Assistant Pro
I got home a bit late last night following a quick 9 holes after work, to find a note from my wife stuck to the TV. It read "It's not working, I'm leaving".
However, when I tried it, the TV was working just fine. Silly girl. I don't recall her saying she was staying out last night either.
However, when I tried it, the TV was working just fine. Silly girl. I don't recall her saying she was staying out last night either.
Paul_Stewart
Tour Rookie
Paddy and Mick are waiting for a flight at Belfast Airport.
"I wish I'd brought the TV" said Mick.
"Why? Don't you like the wait?" said Paddy.
"No the passports are on them" replied Mick.
"I wish I'd brought the TV" said Mick.
"Why? Don't you like the wait?" said Paddy.
"No the passports are on them" replied Mick.
gripitripit
Tour Rookie
A soft drinks factory has suffered a major leak flooding a nearby village with thousands of litres of lemonade.
Reports suggest dozens of people have been Schwepped away..
My wife was in a panic earlier "I've lost my sex tape!" she screamed "It will end up on You tube I bet"
"Oh my god, I'll end up getting slaughtered if anyone sees me" I said panicking.
"You're not in it you idiot" she replied.
Reports suggest dozens of people have been Schwepped away..
My wife was in a panic earlier "I've lost my sex tape!" she screamed "It will end up on You tube I bet"
"Oh my god, I'll end up getting slaughtered if anyone sees me" I said panicking.
"You're not in it you idiot" she replied.
DappaDonDave
Journeyman Pro
Mine was true at least ...........................
Khamelion
Tour Winner
Horse walks into a bar, barman asks, "Why the long face?", Horse Replies, "Some Geordie punched me"
paisleyboy86
Club Champion
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"
Confused, the bartender says no.
"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"
SocketRocket
Ryder Cup Winner
What about the shades?
Slime
Tour Winner
Point out that 'mother in law' is an anagram of 'woman hitler', that might do the trick.
Slime.
upsidedown
Tour Winner
My brother pointed out a bush in the garden by the 18th on his course that is the garden of a urology specialist which had been shaped into a very good likeness of his particular specialty. Took 4 months apparently for it to be complained about and was then amended back to a ball shape 
williamalex1
Money List Winner
Bill Roach, Jim Davidson, Rolf Haris , Stuart Hall, Freddie Star--- you've got to admit it the prison panto is looking good this year
