Thanks gent's its good to get some stuff off the chest once in a while , i try really hard not to let it take over our lives and fortunately my daughter has really stepped up
and is an absolute godsend .I think i am a bit "old school" and try to be the head of the family (oldest child ) but my brother does not cope very well with situations like this
he almost had a breakdown when our mum passed but i think he could do more he just seems to choose not too.
I realized some time ago i would need help and reached out and once i did , believe me , things seemed to reach a new , more manageable perspective .
As said , when you reach the point of accepting you are not superman, then things get easier, not too easy, but a damn sight easier and when you find out how
widespread this is you do ease up on the guilt of putting them in care ,IT IS THE BEST THING FOR THEIR SAFETY and i put that in capitals to emphasize that .
Not only their safety but your mental health as well if you collapse your family gets a whole set of extra problems they do not need so look after yourself and those around you .
The feeling of guilt never goes but you have to put it in perspective .
For several years a very good friend of ours kept saying the best thing was to put them where they got the best care. You can only provide xx hours of amateur care, and with the best will in the world emotions getting in the way. A home can provide 24 hrs of professional care with passion for the job, not emotion. Someone who is passionate for the job is far better than someone who is emotional for it.
Good luck.