Gazp
Assistant Pro
If you've never heard of them, read on & you'll get the idea....enjoy !
Eighth Place: In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place: A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his
daily run.
Sixth Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at
the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on
the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost
an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place: Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when
the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with
friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place: After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the
front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on
robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer
was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the
would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target
pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and
several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced
dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators
located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy
revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7
different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION: Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just
driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss
out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice
that the window was closed.
RUNNER UP: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local
bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at
least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one
end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany )
fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a
rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on
top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...
'[****] happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM
THE GENE POOL.
Eighth Place: In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place: A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his
daily run.
Sixth Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at
the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on
the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out
but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost
an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place: Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when
the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with
friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place: After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the
front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on
robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer
was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the
would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target
pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and
several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced
dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators
located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy
revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7
different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION: Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just
driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss
out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice
that the window was closed.
RUNNER UP: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local
bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at
least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one
end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany )
fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a
rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on
top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...
'[****] happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM
THE GENE POOL.
