Recent content by Paul_Stewart

I did hear a few more off-colour ones but would probably get an infraction if I posted them!

Michael Clarke had a duck That David Warner got to know And everywhere that Warner went That duck was sure to go

I was talking at work with a German colleague about this sort of thing recently and asked him if the German air bases do anything similar. "No you shot down all our decent planes" he replied proving that some Germans do have a sense of humour.

Advice I was given on a recent County rules evening was to announce the result of each hole and the match score as you walk off the green. If you listen to any Ryder Cup match, you hear this being done. "Europe wins the hole in three, match is 2 up". Saves any confusion.

Does Simon Bates still do "My tune" each morning?

It's a nice enough track but the 4th hole with its 90 degree dog leg is a bit of a joke. They have extended the 9th into a monster par-4 that would befit a US PGA finishing hole but the rest of the course is pretty bog standard.

Smiffy Then Seve, Nick Faldo and Justin Rose. Right at the bottom, just below the ******* who deliberately kept putting me off during a recent match, Tiger Woods.

Are there any places that do Rottweiler custom fitting? Could a future issue of Golf Monthly test all different Rottweilers and recommend the best one to get?

Is this the film where chrisd plays himself in the crowd at the Open? ;)

I'm a five wedge man which I know is incredibly gay. 48, 52, 56, 60 and 64. I have to decide at most courses whether to go 5-iron or the 60 degree lob wedge. Decisions, decisions.

The sooner new BMWs come with front-mounted cannons the better. End of problem.

Some of the books I've bought .. "Short cuts round Kent and the M20" by Chrisd "How to play Lydd" by Smiffy "My best commentaries of the last 20 years" by Peter Alliss On a real note, a cheap trolley from Argos. It almost made it round the front nine. Wouldn't have minded too much but the...

Lovely course and always been well-treated when I've gone there. Good combination of holes, varying directions, long/short etc. Definitely worth a visit for that price.

You need your bats with you when you are called. No excuses, if you're not ready, you lose your spot. Definitely worth hiring a caddy - they know what they are doing. It's about £45-50 plus tip.

My first hole-in-one was on a 267-yard par-4 in 1997. Albatross! Albatross! Do you get wafers with it?