Smack or not?

[bladeplayer]

Again the thread being taken out of context. This is not about saying to a child eat your cabbage or you get a smack.

Very true its also gone from a "gentle smack " in your OP to out right violence ,

I agree with your OP .. just gona opt outa this thread now tho , for obvious reasons , good luck with it staying a sensible conversation ,

 

[Hobbit]

My mum was a bully in this dept. Excessive force, inc belts/shoes etc on a regular basis way beyond the age when simple reasoning would have sufficed. In fact, if she'd used more reason she wouldn't have had a rebellious little sod who argued back so often. Still loved her though, but the level of respect for her was a little lacking.

Did it turn me into an habitual thrasher? No, not at all. It had the opposite effect.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

What you are suggesting here is that a child is getting regular smacks, what this thread is about is the parents rights to discipline their child by smacking them appropriately should the circumstance necessitate.

Does a parent have a right to cause what could be significant long term psychological damage on a child for what is short term benefit - when the parent has no idea how the psychological pain or damage inflicted might manifest itself through time. 'It's only a smack' you might say 'for his own good' - but you don't actually know whether it is for his own long term good at all. You have no idea of the damage you are doing.

 

[woody69]

I'd like to see any clinical studies you can provide to prove that smacking has detrimental effects?

I don't have any 'proof' to which method is better but I do know a few simple things. I could walk home from the pub quite safely when I was younger, very much doubt that is the case now. Not very scientific but a pretty clear indication to me.

It's hardly definitive, after all it's not particularly easy to create a fair trial, but here is an an example or two

- http://www.nhs.uk/news/2014/05May/Pages/Smacking-children-doesnt-work-study-finds.aspx
- http://www.kidspot.com.au/research-shows-that-smacking-does-not-work/

I'm sure if you looked though you'd find studies that suggested smacking had no detrimental effect or even helped

Regarding "walking home from the pub quite safely when I was younger", that's an entirely different debate but I suggest you stop reading the news other than the local paper and you'll see it's not that scary out there really.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

And for the record, kids have always carried guns, knives and all sorts of other weapons. Are you honestly trying to suggest that because parents are smacking their children less, kids are becoming more violent? Really?




If you were regularly slapped by your mother for misbehaving it doesn't say much more it as a tool for good behaviour does it?

Teachers maintain discipline in schools by teaching children respect and boundaries. Trying to engage them meaningfully and through positive reinforcement. Threats of violence is never and will never be the answer.

I didn't say kids are becoming more violent (although I think they are) but they are certainly becoming less disciplined. My generation was afraid of the police, now kids face up to them with no respect.

Also, I wasn't regularly slapped by my mother and on the few occasions it did happen it was deserved.

Finally, teachers maintaining discipline in schools? Something that hasn't happened for a very long time because all the tools to do so have been taken away from them.

"Sit down please Johnny.......PLEASE sit down Johnny......OK Johnny, you win, do whatever you want"

 

[Doon frae Troon]

The most popular and respected teacher at my school [early 1960's] was the sports master.
Step out of line with him and you got a fierce whack on your backside with your gym shoe.
How often did he use it ?

A couple of times in 3 years.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

My final comment on this thread

There is a world of difference between discipline and abuse, I don't think any of the 'pro smacking' brigade are suggesting that children should be abused!

 

[G.U.R]

The most popular and respected teacher at my school [early 1960's] was the sports master.
Step out of line with him and you got a fierce whack on your backside with your gym shoe.
How often did he use it ?

A couple of times in 3 years.

Are you not confusing respect with fear? I n the same way we feared the head teacher because he had a cane?

 

[Pin-seeker]

I didn't say kids are becoming more violent (although I think they are) but they are certainly becoming less disciplined. My generation was afraid of the police, now kids face up to them with no respect.

Also, I wasn't regularly slapped by my mother and on the few occasions it did happen it was deserved.

Finally, teachers maintaining discipline in schools? Something that hasn't happened for a very long time because all the tools to do so have been taken away from them.

"Sit down please Johnny.......PLEASE sit down Johnny......OK Johnny, you win, do whatever you want"

Agree with everything you've said on this post.
I ad the odd slap from my mother when I was a child,I even ad the slipper.
I deserved it & it did no harm apart from a sore bum for an hour or so.

 

[Khamelion]

Does a parent have a right to cause what could be significant long term psychological damage on a child for what is short term benefit - when the parent has no idea how the psychological pain or damage inflicted might manifest itself through time. 'It's only a smack' you might say 'for his own good' - but you don't actually know whether it is for his own long term good at all. You have no idea of the damage you are doing.

As a parent you have the right to do what you see best for your child, how you go about doing that, be it through verbal reasoning, a smack or an element of both is your choice. But again you word your response as if the child if under continual physical abuse and if this was the situation, then there would be a very good case for citing long term psychological damage.

Continual physical abuse as you are suggesting could be the reason some children become psychologically affected in later years, but when a parent smacks a child once in a blue moon for something that is deserved, I do not believe that carries sufficient psychological distress to warrant them becoming the type of person you suggest.

 

[Khamelion]

My final comment on this thread

There is a world of difference between discipline and abuse, I don't think any of the 'pro smacking' brigade are suggesting that children should be abused!

Exactly

 

[Hobbit]

As a parent you have the right to do what you see best for your child, how you go about doing that, be it through verbal reasoning, a smack or an element of both is your choice. But again you word your response as if the child if under continual physical abuse and if this was the situation, then there would be a very good case for citing long term psychological damage.

Continual physical abuse as you are suggesting could be the reason some children become psychologically affected in later years, but when a parent smacks a child once in a blue moon for something that is deserved, I do not believe that carries sufficient psychological distress to warrant them becoming the type of person you suggest.

Having spent last weekend golfing with you Dave I can testify to you being damaged! Along with that tee marker you smacked full on:rofl:

 

[Khamelion]

Are you not confusing respect with fear? I n the same way we feared the head teacher because he had a cane?

Respect and Fear are indeed two different things, but either way the result was the same, the lined was toed and the need to discipline was next to naught.

 

[G.U.R]

Respect and Fear are indeed two different things, but either way the result was the same, the lined was toed and the need to discipline was next to naught.

I agree, at school, at home I think the days of the father figure as one to be feared are gone, I for one would not want my daughters to be in fear of me.

 

[Khamelion]

Having spent last weekend golfing with you Dave I can testify to you being damaged! Along with that tee marker you smacked full on:rofl:

If only I could be that accurate on purpose.

 

[delc]

I know people that were never smacked as kids and they grew up into respectful and polite adults. I have met a few that were smacked on occasion and they're nothing but trouble, so what does that prove? Absolutely nothing.

And for the record, kids have always carried guns, knives and all sorts of other weapons. Are you honestly trying to suggest that because parents are smacking their children less, kids are becoming more violent? Really?




If you were regularly slapped by your mother for misbehaving it doesn't say much more it as a tool for good behaviour does it?

Teachers maintain discipline in schools by teaching children respect and boundaries. Trying to engage them meaningfully and through positive reinforcement. Threats of violence is never and will never be the answer.

Rubbish! One of the most violent societies in the Western World is the U.S., where the teaching of Dr (not Mister) Spock that you must never smack children has been the norm for many years. That is why most young Americans are, at best, spoilt brats.

 

[davidy233]

Smacked my eldest once - he was terrified, smacked his wee brother once too - he just stared at me - that's when I realised it doesn't work with everyone and neither were ever smacked again - they've both grown up as nice lads. Environment and example are what teaches kids - not violence.

 

[Khamelion]

Smacked my eldest once - he was terrified, smacked his wee brother once too - he just stared at me - that's when I realised it doesn't work with everyone and neither were ever smacked again - they've both grown up as nice lads. Environment and example are what teaches kids - not violence.

I agree violence is not always the answer, but there are occasions where a smack is necessary and appropriate. I also agree that smacking some does not work and alternative methods of discipline are required.

 

[Alex1975]

He who says that a smack from a parent never affected him - how does he know? Can he look across at his 'non-smacked' self to see if they are identical. No - he can't.

I was smacked as a child. And I had fear in me if I knew I was going to get it off my dad when he got home from work. As a result I think that fear affected my feelings for him as I grew up and that would have affected our relationship. I also think- though how would I know for sure - that it affected my self-confidence; maybe I felt ashamed that I was being smacked - and that my father smacked me. After all as far as I was concerned none of my pals got smacked - it's not exactly something you talked about.

i did well at school and never got into any trouble with authority, but I was shy and low in self-confidence (manifestation of the fear I felt?) - and I still am. How much of that I can put down to being smacked as a child and having a father who did the smacking - I don't know for sure. But certainly it affected how I felt about my father, and I suspect it has affected my life and who I am today.

This is spot on!

Smacking has one use.... it makes the smacker feel better!

In my opinion if I was smacked, someone else was going to get a smack. If I was smacked I was going to do what I did again.... In fact I was going to do whatever I wanted.

THINK!!!! its so simple, do not teach children to think that violence or physical contact of any sort is the way to get someone to adhere to your will. As a human you are far far far better than that. If you teach your child respect and values there will never be a time you have to use violence to make them behave.

Give your child the time your meant to....


"I was smacked and im alright" says who? On what level... on the level that you think its ok to hit children.... BRAVE! It is the scared people who say things like "goody goodys" and the like. The scared, the unintelligent and likely the people who were smacked.

Its ok to do things better.....

 

[Rooter]

I agree violence is not always the answer, but there are occasions where a smack is necessary and appropriate. I also agree that smacking some does not work and alternative methods of discipline are required.

The way i define a 'smack' on a child is not violent in my opinion, it is done as a shock tactic to break the behavior that is happening. Now other people obviously have a different concept of smacking, I again would use as a last resort to stop a situation that talking or even shouting wouldn't sort,

For example a toddler biting, it has to be pretty major in my opinion, not because they don't tidy their toys away or answer back etc. Often i find a really loud clap can work in a similar manner in creating that pause or stop of behavior.