Smack or not?

[Deleted Member 1156]

I'm with the OP on this. I was smacked as a child, I have grown into a respectful and polite adult that has never been involved in trouble. From memory, I think my daughter was smacked only 2 or 3 times and she has grown into a well behaved, respectful adult.

Well done to all the goody 2 shoes PC brigade, kids now carry guns, knives and all sorts of other weapons. Real success story there :thup:

 

[G.U.R]

oh some of the verbals i see are unbelievable, I am not going to sterotype the parent...

Which school GUR?

Up at the Willows mate, my three kids went there as I believed in sending your kids to your local Primary. I was a Governor there as well so had first hand experience of some of the families, they had to start a breakfast club to make sure kids had something to eat in the morning! My kids came out more rounded and did/are doing well at secondary school so it shows it's not the schools.

 

[bladeplayer]

Its like all things , extremes cause the problem .

If you smack a child regularly ,that will have no effect on the child what so ever , just becomes the norm . if the child pushes it too much or is extremely bold or whatever a stingy slap to the leg will teach some kids when they have crossed the line ..

So far ive been lucky , ive never had to smack mine & cannot honestly say ive never seen Hid do it either ,
as we dont normally raise our voices too much sometimes a loud cross OIH will have the shock factor to suffice ,

Ive seen kids smacked sometimes ive wanted to smack the parent to be honest ,
other times ive seen the parent give a stingy slap to the leg or back of the hand & its worked ..

Personally i would have no problem with the slap to the hand or leg with an open hand , after that its too much

Dragging and shaking a child can be as bad ..

 

[Hacker Khan]

But , when the child sees something he is after on the worktop and keeps going to try and get it, what happens ?

You move them out of harms way and then tell them not to do it again?

 

[woody69]

There are far more effective methods of parenting without the need to resort to hitting a child. When you hit a child, you are effectively teaching them it is OK to hit another person under certain circumstances as deemed appropriate by you.

Bringing up a child is hard work, but as their parent it is your job to keep them safe and teach them respect. How do you do that by occasionally under certain circumstances hitting them? It's abuse and dressing it up as "a clip around the ear" or smacking doesn't make it OK.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

So kids have been smacked for 000's of years yet grew up into well balanced adults. Were we doing it wrong all that time?

 

[delc]

There are far more effective methods of parenting without the need to resort to hitting a child. When you hit a child, you are effectively teaching them it is OK to hit another person under certain circumstances as deemed appropriate by you.

Bringing up a child is hard work, but as their parent it is your job to keep them safe and teach them respect. How do you do that by occasionally under certain circumstances hitting them? It's abuse and dressing it up as "a clip around the ear" or smacking doesn't make it OK.

I was a rather wilful child and was regularly slapped by my mother for misbehaving. Taught me good behaviour and I'm grateful for that. Also when I was at school teachers were still allowed to administer corporal punishment in a formalised way, so that was another reminder. Don't understand how teachers can maintain discipline in schools these days as there are no real sanctions! Lord protect us from do-gooders!

 

[hovis]

My daughter is 14 months old and when i took a small coin off her that she had found she hit me. i gave her a gentle smack on the back of her hand. She was shocked and whimpered. She's never done it since.


I do think smacking a child is ok. But beating and smacking seem to be interpreted differently by folk. On the other hand, my brother smacks his child and he doesn't care one bit when he gets smacked. So whats the point on smacking him?

I think its a simple case of showing a child you mean business. Good parenting is finding a way to do that .
My dad smacked me once and it hurt like hell. That was enough for me to think " I'll do as I'm told from now on"

Kids today are off the rails. A todler kicked my daughter in the back of the head in a soft pkay area and the mom said '' the're just being kids" got a feeling that childs future is bleak

 

[Hacker Khan]

I'm with the OP on this. I was smacked as a child, I have grown into a respectful and polite adult that has never been involved in trouble. From memory, I think my daughter was smacked only 2 or 3 times and she has grown into a well behaved, respectful adult.

Well done to all the goody 2 shoes PC brigade, kids now carry guns, knives and all sorts of other weapons. Real success story there :thup:

And I am sure you can point to many clinical studies where there has been a proven causal link between being hit as a child and growing up into a respectful and polite adult who never gets into trouble? And they are not just 2 completely unrelated things with no scientific proof of a link whatsoever.

You may as well say you read Enid Blyton to your daughter and she has grown up into a well behave respectful adult (and not that I'm doubting how well behaved your daughter is, but let's face it, which parent would not say that about their child). So we should make reading Enid Blyton compulsory.

 

[bladeplayer]

So kids have been smacked for 000's of years yet grew up into well balanced adults. Were we doing it wrong all that time?

It would seem so , wouldnt it ..

Guess the need for ASBOS for school kids . kids bringing knives to school to hurt others , teachers been stabbed & assaulted , school drop out rates was always there we just didnt hear of it ..

My daughter is 14 months old and when i took a small coin off her that she had found she hit me. i gave her a gentle smack on the back of her hand. She was shocked and whimpered. She never done it since.


I do think smacking a child is ok. But beating and smacking seen to be interpreted different by folk.

I think its a simple case of showing a child you mean business business. Good parenting is finding that out.
My dad smacked me once and it hurt like hell. That was enough for me to think " I'll do as I'm told from now on"

I like this post , well said

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Well I think most adults at my age were prob subjected to at least one smack on the bottom or arm etc which I believe back then was acceptable and within limits I believe is acceptable right now but there must be limits of course

There does seem to be a great deal more issues with discipline within kids and young adults - could certainly see the lack of respect for elders and rank within the military

Is there a right answer ? I don't think but I also don't think smacking within reason should be banned.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

I'm with the OP on this. I was smacked as a child, I have grown into a respectful and polite adult that has never been involved in trouble. From memory, I think my daughter was smacked only 2 or 3 times and she has grown into a well behaved, respectful adult.

Well done to all the goody 2 shoes PC brigade, kids now carry guns, knives and all sorts of other weapons. Real success story there :thup:

What about those who are smacked and react differently to it than you did? And whilst they might not become violent child-beaters as adults their life may have been significantly affected by the psychological damage the smacking caused. All very well say 'I'm alright Jack' - but unfortunately I guess that's how so much is today.

 

[Khamelion]

From some of the posts so far, it seems like for some smacking was a daily if not very regular occurrence, whatever the reason for this only the posters will know, but this thread is not about smacking a child for no reason, I'm writing about the need to discipline your child if the need arise and that the European court, United Nations of Human right wants it to be made illegal. What gives those people the right to say how a family brings up and disciplines their child?

Sometimes there is a need to smack a child, the shock of the smack is required to enforce a point. So your child repeatedly makes for the oven or cooker hob, you told them no, many times, you've picked them up and moved them away, yet they still persist, what do you do then, lock them in another room where you cannot keep an eye on them? or smack them and tell them no?

Stop, or I'll tell you to stop again, not always the best method.

 

[freddielong]

Do as I say or I will beat you, people have even stopped training dogs that way.

 

[Khamelion]

What about those who are smacked and react differently to it than you did? And whilst they might not become violent child-beaters as adults their life may have been significantly affected by the psychological damage the smacking caused. All very well say 'I'm alright Jack' - but unfortunately I guess that's how so much is today.

What you are suggesting here is that a child is getting regular smacks, what this thread is about is the parents rights to discipline their child by smacking them appropriately should the circumstance necessitate.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

From some of the posts so far, it seems like for some smacking was a daily if not very regular occurrence, whatever the reason for this only the posters will know, but this thread is not about smacking a child for no reason, I'm writing about the need to discipline your child if the need arise and that the European court, United Nations of Human right wants it to be made illegal. What gives those people the right to say how a family brings up and disciplines their child?

Sometimes there is a need to smack a child, the shock of the smack is required to enforce a point. So your child repeatedly makes for the oven or cooker hob, you told them no, many times, you've picked them up and moved them away, yet they still persist, what do you do then, lock them in another room where you cannot keep an eye on them? or smack them and tell them no?

Stop, or I'll tell you to stop again, not always the best method.

You may think that sometimes there is reason to smack a child - though I'd suggest that there is never any need to do so - but whilst the smack may have the intended outcome and the child will eventually stop crying - who is to know how the smacking is affecting the child deep down psychologically? And who can predict what short, medium and long term affect that damage might have - both on the child and on his relationship and perception of his parent. Nobody. Nobody CAN know - we cannot look into the future - yet in smacking a child the short term result is all, and we ignore the possible longer term impact.

 

[Khamelion]

Do as I say or I will beat you, people have even stopped training dogs that way.

Again the thread being taken out of context. This is not about saying to a child eat your cabbage or you get a smack.

 

[Khamelion]

You may think that sometimes there is reason to smack a child - though I'd suggest that there is never any need to do so - but whilst the smack may have the intended outcome and the child will eventually stop crying - who is to know how the smacking is affecting the child deep down psychologically? And who can predict what short, medium and long term affect that damage might have - both on the child and on his relationship and perception of his parent. Nobody. Nobody CAN know - we cannot look into the future - yet in smacking a child the short term result is all, and we ignore the possible longer term impact.

To smack a child to stop crying is not and should not be your first option. The child is crying for a reason, find out what that reason is, comfort them, if however the child is crying because it did not gets its own way, tell it to be quiet, tell it again, and then smack.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

And I am sure you can point to many clinical studies where there has been a proven causal link between being hit as a child and growing up into a respectful and polite adult who never gets into trouble? And they are not just 2 completely unrelated things with no scientific proof of a link whatsoever.

You may as well say you read Enid Blyton to your daughter and she has grown up into a well behave respectful adult (and not that I'm doubting how well behaved your daughter is, but let's face it, which parent would not say that about their child). So we should make reading Enid Blyton compulsory.

I'd like to see any clinical studies you can provide to prove that smacking has detrimental effects?

I don't have any 'proof' to which method is better but I do know a few simple things. I could walk home from the pub quite safely when I was younger, very much doubt that is the case now. Not very scientific but a pretty clear indication to me.

 

[woody69]

I'm with the OP on this. I was smacked as a child, I have grown into a respectful and polite adult that has never been involved in trouble. From memory, I think my daughter was smacked only 2 or 3 times and she has grown into a well behaved, respectful adult.

Well done to all the goody 2 shoes PC brigade, kids now carry guns, knives and all sorts of other weapons. Real success story there :thup:

I know people that were never smacked as kids and they grew up into respectful and polite adults. I have met a few that were smacked on occasion and they're nothing but trouble, so what does that prove? Absolutely nothing.

And for the record, kids have always carried guns, knives and all sorts of other weapons. Are you honestly trying to suggest that because parents are smacking their children less, kids are becoming more violent? Really?

I was a rather wilful child and was regularly slapped by my mother for misbehaving. Taught me good behaviour and I'm grateful for that. Also when I was at school teachers were still allowed to administer corporal punishment in a formalised way, so that was another reminder. Don't understand how teachers can maintain discipline in schools these days as there are no real sanctions! Lord protect us from do-gooders!

If you were regularly slapped by your mother for misbehaving it doesn't say much more it as a tool for good behaviour does it?

Teachers maintain discipline in schools by teaching children respect and boundaries. Trying to engage them meaningfully and through positive reinforcement. Threats of violence is never and will never be the answer.