Real Golf Rules - feel free to add your own.

[USER1999]

If your practice putts keep dropping, you'll hole nothing out on the golf course.

 

[Foxholer]

Rule 1.
A Provisional ball will always go bullet straight down the middle of the fairway

Liverpool Phil and Foxholer will reply to every post on here, regardless

Clearly close but wrong - and that's another 'rule' - but I'll reply to 2 at once!

Provisional only goes rocket straight 80% of the time. 10% in exactly the same place; 10% as far as possible across the opposite side!

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Attempting a club twirl after hitting a shot will invariably crack you in the shins !

 

[Hacker Khan]

On the hole with a blind tee shot, that cracking drive you just nailed out of the screws straight down the middle, that's a lost ball that is. On the other hand the horrible slice will be easily found.

 

[USER1999]

You can watch a good shot all the way, but you can never watch where a bad one goes.

 

[c1973]

A level 5s front nine for a high handicapper will be followed with a back nine containing at least one 10.

You will be held up by slow play but never hold others up yourself.

Your driver will laugh at you when your putter is your friend.

Your putter will laugh at you when driver is now your friend.

 

[Coatsy79]

After a great tee shot your second will always be a duff

 

[SaintHacker]

Despite you knowing it has no ears, you will still shout instructions at your golf ball in mid flight/roll.

 

[Hacker Khan]

Despite the fact that trees are allegedly 90% air, they do a good job of getting in the way of some of your best shots.

 

[GB72]

There is always too much or not enough sand in the bunkers

 

[sev112]

Everyone in the same comp would have won if they hadn't had 3 blobs

 

[HomerJSimpson]

You'll only thin a 7 iron in the middle of January with the temperature -2. It won't stop vibrating through you arm for three holes

 

[chrisd]

You will never win a 4bbb if you win the first hole

 

[Karl102]

Your ball 'always' lands in a bunker that somebody has not raked properly!

 

[London mike 61]

You can never find that bright pink castle tee on the green grass on the teeing area.......ever!

 

[Deleted member 15344]

You can never find that bright pink castle tee on the green grass on the teeing area.......ever!

They are normally on the ladies tee

 

[Evesdad]

If you put your waterproofs on at the start as heavy rain is forecast, it won't the sun will come out and you end up like a boil in the bag.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

You never own a golf ball, you just look after it for a while.

 

[bozza]

You always say you were "scared of it" when you leave a downhill putt short.

 

[Deleted member 18645]

1.Anyone asked how far they drive a ball, will automatically add 30 yards to their real answer.

1a. Unless the above question is asked on this forum, in which case it is 70 yards.

2.Anyone over the handicap of 10 scoring 40 or more points will be called a bandit. Anyone under 10 has merely played to their real ability.

3. Anyone who receives more than a shot a hole, will automatically become an expert on which ball to use to give them the best feel and spin around the green.

4. Anyone joining a club committee, will immediately forget all the good ideas and suggestions they had before they took office.