Tashyboy
Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
So when I was 60 in March. The NHS as its way of thanking me sent me a “ Poo Kit”. Bottom line scoop a piece of yer poo with a Barbie sized spatula, put it in a tube and post it. Now as part of my endeavours to include my grandkids in everything, for some reason Layla Tash declined to help me when I asked. So off me Poo sample went to the Poo lab. A week or two later I get a letter asking me to go for a colonoscopy. To save folk from Googling the big word. Bottom line ( sorry for the pun) They shove a Hubble sized camera up your southern exit. Well it felt like it.
Anyway today was the day, but before I talk about me being legally violated. Thursday night and Friday morning was a whole new experience. Reason being I had two doses of Moviprep. Now that stuff helps you pass water like I did when I had a highest tiddle up the toilet wall competition with Aidy Reynolds when I was 9 yr old at python hill school. But this tiddle comes out of yer Butt. Dear God.
So at 10.30 this morning I turned up at Kings Mill Hospital. After a three hour wait it was Tashyboys turn. First thing on is the paper underpants with a large slot in the back. Cannot believe Missis T never brought me any of these home coz they are unique. Anyway lie on yer left hand side, loadsa lube and insert
. It was at that point that my opinion of things should come out of yer Butt and not in unfortunately through now gained experience was endorsed. Each to their own though. Now I had seen that the large bowel does have a couple of bends in it but I thought it was just diagrams. No. It felt they were driving a caravan round the corner and they caught the wall. Am sure the words I used were similar to missing that 2 ft putt for a birdie on Tuesday. Now they did tell me the camera was going all the way to my Appendix. Which was nice coz Ave never seen it before. But on the way to Appendix land they found a Polyp. It could best be described as the shape of action man’s testicles, but hanging a bit more. They banged a bit of adrenaline in it and continued. Once they got there they took a small detour into my small bowel entrance. And let’s just say it’s not a place you would want to go on holiday. It looked dirty unlike my immaculate Large intestine. We got back to Action mans testicles and by with time the stem on the Polyp had turned grey. They “ lassoed” it and burnt it off. They then put a clip on it and for future reference they then gave me a Tattoo on the site so they can find it in three years time ( Oh joy of bloody joys). Now I asked for something like a fish tattoo, it looks more like an octopus dump. But hey Ho, it cost me nowt. A couple on inches further they found a second polyp. That two was lassoed, clipped and put into a bag and removed.
So after both polyps were removed they were measured. One at 15mm and one at 13mm.
So now for the serious bit. I went for the test because I had Poo in my blood. I was convinced that it was due to an untroublesome pile. The lady who legally violated me told me it was. But I went for the test because the colonoscopy would 100% confirm this. It did. But it also confirmed that if I had not gone the two polyps if left undetected would have given me problems later in life.
The Polyps will be sent off for a biopsy so they still could be crap results
But as I am now I feel a stitch in time and all that.
So as I sign off could I urge all folk that if the occasion arises that you have a poo kit drop through your door. Get it done. It could well save your life.
just means no golf next week.
Anyway today was the day, but before I talk about me being legally violated. Thursday night and Friday morning was a whole new experience. Reason being I had two doses of Moviprep. Now that stuff helps you pass water like I did when I had a highest tiddle up the toilet wall competition with Aidy Reynolds when I was 9 yr old at python hill school. But this tiddle comes out of yer Butt. Dear God.
So at 10.30 this morning I turned up at Kings Mill Hospital. After a three hour wait it was Tashyboys turn. First thing on is the paper underpants with a large slot in the back. Cannot believe Missis T never brought me any of these home coz they are unique. Anyway lie on yer left hand side, loadsa lube and insert
. It was at that point that my opinion of things should come out of yer Butt and not in unfortunately through now gained experience was endorsed. Each to their own though. Now I had seen that the large bowel does have a couple of bends in it but I thought it was just diagrams. No. It felt they were driving a caravan round the corner and they caught the wall. Am sure the words I used were similar to missing that 2 ft putt for a birdie on Tuesday. Now they did tell me the camera was going all the way to my Appendix. Which was nice coz Ave never seen it before. But on the way to Appendix land they found a Polyp. It could best be described as the shape of action man’s testicles, but hanging a bit more. They banged a bit of adrenaline in it and continued. Once they got there they took a small detour into my small bowel entrance. And let’s just say it’s not a place you would want to go on holiday. It looked dirty unlike my immaculate Large intestine. We got back to Action mans testicles and by with time the stem on the Polyp had turned grey. They “ lassoed” it and burnt it off. They then put a clip on it and for future reference they then gave me a Tattoo on the site so they can find it in three years time ( Oh joy of bloody joys). Now I asked for something like a fish tattoo, it looks more like an octopus dump. But hey Ho, it cost me nowt. A couple on inches further they found a second polyp. That two was lassoed, clipped and put into a bag and removed.So after both polyps were removed they were measured. One at 15mm and one at 13mm.
So now for the serious bit. I went for the test because I had Poo in my blood. I was convinced that it was due to an untroublesome pile. The lady who legally violated me told me it was. But I went for the test because the colonoscopy would 100% confirm this. It did. But it also confirmed that if I had not gone the two polyps if left undetected would have given me problems later in life.
The Polyps will be sent off for a biopsy so they still could be crap results
But as I am now I feel a stitch in time and all that.So as I sign off could I urge all folk that if the occasion arises that you have a poo kit drop through your door. Get it done. It could well save your life.
just means no golf next week.
