Golf jokes

[JohnnyDee]

I have something coming up soon and have to tell a few jokes or anecdotes, ideally golf related rather than the

Take my mother-in-law...I wish someone bloomin would... variety

Anyone aware of any good online resources for this kind of thing?

 

[HomerJSimpson]

The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks I'm having fun.

 

[ScienceBoy]

The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife. She thinks I'm having fun.

I'm sorry, I can't believe it bugs her AND she cleans your clubs....

I have to do double chores to get 18 holes of golf.

 

[Doh]

The problem with telling golf jokes is that there hasn't been a new one out for years so most people have heard them.
Perhaps a joke or two about something topical would be better.

Sorry forgot to say there must be hundreds of golf jokes on here if you have time to search.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

I'm sorry, I can't believe it bugs her AND she cleans your clubs....

I have to do double chores to get 18 holes of golf.

Wow..total sense of humour bypass. It was a joke (pulled unashamedly off the web) as asked in the OP

 

[SVB]

Dispite the barr humbug, I'll offer this vintage joke:

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: “Please allow me to help”, she offered. “I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me”, she told him earnestly.

“Ummph, oooh, nooo, I’ll be alright...I’ll be fine in a few minutes”, he replied breathlessly as he remained in the foetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: “Does that feel better”? To which he replied: “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell!”

 

[SocketRocket]

A few lines from the Labour Manifesto should get them splitting their sides

 

[6inchcup]

old golf joke warning*****


man attends coroners court over the death of his wife when playing golf with him.
coroner--"when examined your wife had a pro v 1 golf ball wedge inside her anus,how do explain that ?
man----- "that was my tee shot sir"
coroner----"well HOW do you explain the srixon z star wedge in her vagina then "
man----- "thats simple it was my provisional and i always use a different ball sir "



TAXI____