Robster59
Tour Rookie
Reading this gets me quite emotional. We had the same thing with my Father in Law. I tried to take as much as I could off my missus but in the end she had to be off work for 6 months with stress. If I'm being honest, she's never been the same since.It’s odd but me and Missis T had the same conversation last night. We both think that both my mum and dad will say “we are ok”. Me Mum was upset on the phone yesterday. Basically the penny has dropped re me dads condition. Both me and Missis T has been telling her what to expect re me dad’s dementia. Both from having seen it when Missis Ts father passed away with it. But the experience Missis T had gained as a nurse.
My mum said “ don’t get on at me when you come round”. The problem is, me mum has a good idea and sticks with it and you cannot advice her. She told me yesterday that she is putting bin liners under his bed sheets. I have told her there is proper bed and chair liners. After the poppy count yesterday I called into ASDA and fetched her some and some proper Mens Tena pants. The ones from Aldi she has put an”F” on the front so she knows which way they go.
My mother is stubborn and hates being wrong. I told her in March if she books another holiday abroad I am not going round to see her again. Apart from being robbed in Benidorm, apart from nearly missing plane on another holiday, apart from not getting me dads water infection sorted on a cruise when he has Luekemia, etc etc . They have been ok.
Around May I had to take him to the drs as his back is agony. It hurts because he fell over a suitcase when they were being loaded into the taxi to take them to the airport. It since transpires he was in agony for 2 weeks. I found out when he told the dr. I was bloody livid.
Me mum asked me the week before I took him to the drs to change my mind. I was adamant I wouldn’t, it was me or holidays. I tried explaining that what happens to dad if anything happens to her on holiday. She said “ insurance would look after him”. I had taken her out for a meal and when I got home I spoke to my brother who is a great help. He said “ do you know mum fell over on the garden today and couldn’t get up”. I was bloody livid. My mother is very cute at what she wants to tell me. She has given my dad a bollocking for letting out things that have happened and she has said” I told you not to say anything”. Completely forgetting that with dementia he will actually forget he has been told
Up until yesterday I have been quite chilled about everything and took it in my stride. But I knew I was getting stressed. I took grandkids to the poppy count and Layla Tash nudged the table which had £200 counted on it, the money spilled onto uncounted money and I nearly blew my top. I never said a word but inside I was seething. I calmed down after half an hour but it was a stupid straw that nearly broke a camels back. I thought mum, dad, me needs help now.
Getting some stuff off me chest before am out in 20 mins taking down Poppy, soldier silhouettes.
Thanks for the advice guys.
Get all the help you can and keep coming on here. It was such a big help for me being able to talk about it on here. My missus has no other family so it was basically on us. She has a son, but whilst he is a great lad, I don't think he really understood the gravity of the situation. 5 years on and working with disadvantaged teenagers, he would be a different person, but that's what lifes experiences brings you.
You think you've been quite chilled, but I think you're probably bottling it up and then suddenly something makes it blow, like the money incident. It's not your fault, we're all like that and it's just what we do.
What I do know from my experience with both my Mother and Father-in-Law is that I don't want to put my kids through that. They have their lives to live, and looking after me should not be part of it. I've watched my Father die in agony, my Mother and Father in Law deterioate, it's not easy.
It never leaves you. All these years on I can still feel myself filling up.
