Are you adopted? (adoption thoughts and stories)

[JustOne]

I was adopted as a baby and have often thought about finding/contacting by birth Mother. I know her name and some other details but have held back from actually searching for her.

Has anyone else been adopted? How do you feel about it? Has anyone contacted their long lost relative and how do you think YOU would feel if suddenly someone cropped up saying they were a long lost child (of an ex girlfriend) for example...

Thoughts and experiences please. :thup:

 

[Norrin Radd]

a girl i once went out with was adopted ,when she was about mid twentys she decided to try and find her birth mother. well she found out where she lived and that she was married with two other children.
she got in touch with her and was totally rebuked ,her mother didnt want to know ,so she left it at that.
not what you wanted to hear im sure but thats my only experience of adoption.

 

[richart]

I was adopted as a baby and have often thought about finding/contacting by birth Mother. I know her name and some other details but have held back from actually searching for her.

Has anyone else been adopted? How do you feel about it? Has anyone contacted their long lost relative and how do you think YOU would feel if suddenly someone cropped up saying they were a long lost child (of an ex girlfriend) for example...

Thoughts and experiences please. :thup:

She must be ancient James. Are you sure she could stand the shock of you turning up ?

I have a feeling there will be good and bad results with these circumstances. Is a mother allowed to trace a child, or can it only be the other way round ?

 

[gregers]

not been adopted,
but my parents split when i was about 5.my mum remarried and my step dad really bought me up,top bloke he was,sadly he died 5 years ago.

i got to know my real father when i was around 17,in secret because his wife didnt like me AT ALL.she wore the trousers.when i met my partner and she was pregnant with our 1st we went round to there house to share the news,and basically i was told to push off and to stop bothering them.
CAN YOU HANDLE REJECTION?,coz i couldnt,i was heartbroken.my attitude changed to my father and the wicked stepmother after that,he died about 8-9 years ago.and she no longer shares the air with me either thank god.total waste of space and a very bitter woman.

i dont know your situation but good luck in the decision you make,are you close to your adopted parents???because at the end of the day there the 1s who matter.its not about who made you biologically but its the 1s who mould you into the person you are today.

 

[Hobbit]

One of my sisters is adopted. She, at age 49, made contact via various agencies. She had a happy outcome but she didn't do enough to reassure my mum, who felt deeply let down that it had all been done without talking it through with her. My mum had adopted my sister when she was 11 months old, and she didn't even know she was adopted till she started asking why am I black and you're white, age about 10.

 

[JustOne]

I have a feeling there will be good and bad results with these circumstances. Is a mother allowed to trace a child, or can it only be the other way round ?

Rejection is my middle name

A mother can TRY thru an intermediary to trace a child if it's over 18yrs old, normally with fair results. They can also TRY thru an intermediary if the child is younger if (for example) an illness is discovered within the family, harder if there's no reason for contact I would imagine. But in current 'internet ways' it seems to be somewhat of a free for all with people posting stuff on facebook etc and family members who seem to simply turn up on doorsteps, eg: I could post the name of my birth mum right here on this thread and if someone was searching her name this thread might pop up in Google results and bingo they'd know I was searching for her..... however if she wanted to keep it a secret her life might take an unwelcome twist (the question is - what are her rights to be in denial seeing as she birthed a child who is bound to want to know stuff?)

I am at ease with the concept of rejection and I don't think there is really ever a GOOD story behind a child being adopted, some Mothers have been forced to give up children (even by their parents), I've read stories of abused girls who got pregnant, mentally/physically disabled girls who could never raise a child by themselves and countless one night stands.... I'm prepared for the 'back story' of my adoption, I realise it probably won't be pretty.

 

[Tashyboy]

heyup just one, me man. Al post now before the night gets long and my bottle of red has me talking rubbish.
Me and Missis tash adopted our youngest when she was 2 yr 11 months old she has just turned 22 and has been "estranged" from us for five yrs. she has two children aged 3 and 10 months old. Not spoke to her for a year and she turned up week before Christmas, two days before her 22nd birthday. It was the first time Missis T saw her youngest grandson.
your questions/ thoughts/ enquiries are not yes or no answers and there are many many answers or thoughts.
Before you think about tracing anyone, speak to social services/ adoption and try to find out about why you were adopted and any family history on both your and your parents side. You mention about searching for your mother but not your father. Why? You don't need to answer on here. Having said that last bit, I totally understand why you may not wanna know your birth dad, because my daughters birth father beat the **** out of her and she spent her first New Year's Eve in intensive care aged 12 days old.
Re social services, do not be surprised if you get stressed with them coz quite frankly when they were involved in letting my daughter know of her birth family history, they created more problems than they solved. Tossers is an understatement.
would totally understand if my daughter wanted to search for her birth mother but we would be massively upset if she did not speak to us first. Even if she is estranged. We would be able to help her more than she knows.
You must talk to your parents, won't be easy but you must. Someone along the way will get upset, parents, you, birth mother, brothers and sisters. But in a way your parents will of known and been prepared for this day coming.
what I find interesting is for this to be mentioned on New Year's Eve.
I have a feeling you already have made up your mind. I say go for it and hope it all turns out well for you.
one last thing you mentioned was you don't think there was ever a good story regards a child being adopted. Well yes there is. some parents put there kids up for adoption because they know they cannot provide for what they believe there kids deserve, and spend a lifetime regretting it.
good luck me man.

 

[fripnchips]

I was adopted at a very young age (not sure exactly but couldn't of been more than a few months). I personally have never considered looking for my real parents.
I'm grateful for them having me and they obviously had their reasons but as far as i'm concerned my parents are the ones who have done everything for me and couldn't ask for better. They have been open and honest with me for as long as i can remember and have offered me information on my real parents and to help find them if i wanted my response has always been the same that i'm not interested. Maybe thats harsh but i'm happy and feel it's disrespectful in my situation to everything i have been given. My brother on the other hand is interested and i would support him in looking.
But my nature has never really been to dwell on the past and what will be will be.

 

[JustOne]

Thanks for the reply Frip, do you have children? do you think they may have the right to know that you may have biological brothers/sisters (some kind of extended blood* family). I have felt quite isolated at times and I don't want them necessarily to think that their family tree stops at me and subsequently wonder themselves who is who and what is what.

*I don't like that term but cannot think of another.

 

[Fish]

I'm adopted, I did go through a phase of wanting to know, went to St Catherines house, the hospital I born at in Greenwich and a bit more digging but then just stopped!

I know the surroundings of why I was adopted, or at least 1 side of the story, but I always got the feeling that it would hurt my adopted parents if they knew I was actively looking for my birth mother/father.

Some programmes on the TV can make me think to start looking again and sometimes I just go within myself, quiet and deep thinking about if she's thinking about me on my birthdays or if she's still alive.

I think that whilst we would all like a happy ending if looking and finding our birth mothers, the reality could be something quite different and something left be....

 

[fripnchips]

Thanks for the reply Frip, do you have children? do you think they may have the right to know that you may have biological brothers/sisters (some kind of extended blood* family). I have felt quite isolated at times and I don't want them necessarily to think that their family tree stops at me and subsequently wonder themselves who is who and what is what.

*I don't like that term but cannot think of another.

I don't at the minute. So had never though of it that way. I'm fairly open with it all however never mention or think about being adopted but if questioned will happily speak about it. So on that basis my instinctive thought would be to always let them know i am adopted and give them the choice once old enough if they want to know more and make a decision that is best for my family at the time.

 

[Bunkermagnet]

As someone who has seen another side of this, just think long and hard about any repercussions that may occur within the birth parents family/ies (if one or either are still alive that is