Anyone Coach Junior Sport

[GB72]

Just looking for a bit of advice really. My brother coaches his son's rugby team (age 7) and is just about to quit. Every week he has parents who do nothing complaining that he is not giving their kids enough time on the pitch and accusing him of picking his son over their children. He does try and be fair and give everyone a go but he is getting fed up with the constant whinging from parents who do not lift a finger to help.

It would be a real shame to see him quit as he is great with the kids, a good coach and has put loads to time in getting all of the necessary qualifications etc. With rugby and cricket he coaches kids for no payment for 52 weeks a year.

Anyone experienced this and got any advice on how to deal with it in a peaceful manner that does not end up with him falling out with the parents and depriving the kids of a game of rugby

 

[DCB]

Unfortunately every parent standing on the touchline thinks their kid is the next best thing since sliced bread. It happens in every sport. We had a lad at the golf club who got his handicap down from a starting 28 to 24 and his dad was on the phone asking when he'd be playing in the team. It's hard to let them down gently I'm afraid.

I have been involved with our Juniors for four years now and I try to be as fair to all. Human nature dictates you will get on better with some than with others, but as long as you are uniform in your approach to them all it leaves no room for parents to argue the toss if it comes to that.

 

[Doon frae Troon]

I have been involved in junior golf coaching for 40 years.
Stopped a couple of years ago.

You really have to be a bit thick skinned but at the same time honest with the parents and kids.
On occasions we have refused to coach kids due to the attitude of the parents. It is amazing how quickly the parents change their attitude once they realise that they are an embarassment to the children.
Or...... despite what they say little Angus really hates golf.

It is very sad that there are so few folk ready to put something back into sport....trotting off the usual, too busy, Elf and Saftey CRO check or OH Yea Scoutmaster? comments.

I have always stood my ground against parents who try to bully volunteers. Sadly many like your brother give up, and you can't blame them.

It would be interesting to find how many on this board give a few hours help for any junior groups...not many I would think.

 

[hackerjack99]

Coach 10 year old rugby myself. Agree to DCB commnet about parents thinking their children are great. Left two kids on the sideline of a match last week for the first half and eventhough they played a full half one dad came up and gave out to me for starting the kid who was 'crap' according to him. Crazy how personal parents take giving another kid a chance, lets have some perspective, they are 10 years old!

 

[GB72]

I have been involved in junior golf coaching for 40 years.
Stopped a couple of years ago.

You really have to be a bit thick skinned but at the same time honest with the parents and kids.
On occasions we have refused to coach kids due to the attitude of the parents. It is amazing how quickly the parents change their attitude once they realise that they are an embarassment to the children.
Or...... despite what they say little Angus really hates golf.

It is very sad that there are so few folk ready to put something back into sport....trotting off the usual, too busy, Elf and Saftey CRO check or OH Yea Scoutmaster? comments.

I have always stood my ground against parents who try to bully volunteers. Sadly many like your brother give up, and you can't blame them.

It would be interesting to find how many on this board give a few hours help for any junior groups...not many I would think.

As long as my brother keeps it up then I will be helping with coaching the team in the future. I played in the scrum for 27 years so my skill set is not of my use until the kids are old enough to play contact rugby but then I am in like a shot. Would not have got anywhere near as much out of rugby if it were not for people like my brother giving up their time when I was a kid so it is only fair to give something back when I get the chance.

 

[chrisd]

I know that some of our football managers of the younger groups have had similar problems. We agreed to limit the numbers so that all the kids got roughly equal time, we agreed not to be selective (although we may lose some better players than we have now, but then some blossom late) and then we told the managers to tell the parents to either butt out or take their kids elsewhere!

 

[bladeplayer]

Greg i coached underage soccer for a few years , the parents thing will never go away, it always has & always will be a problem .. it was easier for me as i didnt have kids of my own on the team , my local GAA wont let adults coach teams their kids are on ..

Any greif i use to get id tell them the training r coaching times & ask them to come along and after a month of matches & training thet can have a say in picking the team .. that shut alot of them up ..

 

[Captainron]

I coach mini rugby too. Our club has a code of conduct which the parents sign up to if they want their child to be a part of the club. Thankfully I have never had a parent complain about this yet but I am sure it will come. My main concern is for the kids. As coach I am best able to judge who is to be on the field at any one time. I rotate players in the interests of fairness and thankfully we are not judged on results and rather that the kids are enjoying themselves and like playing rugby. I really don't give a stuff about what a parent thinks as long as I can keep his/her kid interested and learning

 

[Scouser]

Coached kids cricket for a good few years.

IMO

The first question he needs to ask is are the kids playing to win or have fun. At the age of 7 IMO fun is the most important (yes you need to win to keep kids interest but ultimately at that age it is about FUN!)

I would suggest your brother gathers all the parents before a training session and explains to them what he hopes to achieve how he plans to achieve this and above all he wants the kids to have fun.

If that doesn't work then sometimes a more direct approach is needed. And individual talks may work.

Good Luck!

 

[Robobum]

..........a code of conduct which the parents sign up to if they want their child to be a part of the club.

This, be inclusive too and involve the parents and kids in compiling it so that it becomes "their" team.

If that fails show them where the exit door is.

 

[Bigfoot]

I ran a number of cricket teams and always tried to keep it fair in terms of selection. It was easy at one stage because up to 13 they played 8 a side, pairs cricket and everyone in the team had to bowl and bat. At under 13, we were in two leagues. The pairs and normal 11 a side. I had two wicketkeepers. One poor - he played in the pairs and the other very good in the 11 a side. We had a very quick county bowler and did not play him in the pairs.At under 14 they only played 11 a side. I could never use the poor keeper again as he could never get close to the quick bowlers slow balls, let alone the quick ones. He struggled with most of the ordinary players bowling anyway.

His parents complained that he was not keeping, forgetting that I had made sure he got games the year before. If I had played him, the rest of the team would have given up. I gave him games as a batsman even though he could not bat either.

Parents will never see all of the picture. You just have to try to help them to see it.

 

[Mattyboy]

I help coach an under 10's footi team. We sent out a set of rules to parents covering everything from their behaviour, what they can do to help, to their childs behavior, fund raising etc.

The very least you should do is ask a willing parent to keep a record of who is on the pitch for what time.

Whilst our list of 'rules' is rather long winded, I would suggest something similar. I can pass you a draft of what is within ours if you wish to use it as a start. PM me if required.

Remember - its about fun.


Good luck and please dont quit.:thup:

 

[Doon frae Troon]

I remember banning a junior for a month...can't remember what he did but it must have been bad.

Father went balistic and threatened me with all sorts.

I calmly pointed out to him that for most of the summer holidays he dropped his lad off at 8am and picked him up at 5.30pm. He was basically using the club as a free child care facility whilst he and his wife worked.
The lad was obviously bored and got up to mischief.

'My lad would never do anything like that' was met by 'well you obviously don't know your son very well, perhaps you should spend more time with him'.

Teenage boys Eh!!

 

[Dodger]

I remember banning a junior for a month...can't remember what he did but it must have been bad.

Father went balistic and threatened me with all sorts.

I calmly pointed out to him that for most of the summer holidays he dropped his lad off at 8am and picked him up at 5.30pm. He was basically using the club as a free child care facility whilst he and his wife worked.
The lad was obviously bored and got up to mischief.

'My lad would never do anything like that' was met by 'well you obviously don't know your son very well, perhaps you should spend more time with him'.

Teenage boys Eh!!

Shouldn't be a problem if the kid spends all day at the club though surely?

 

[PaulE]

I've just started coaching under 7's and 8's tag rugby.
I only became involved because my youngest wanted to play and no-one else stepped up to coach the team.
I haven't played rugby for 30 years and I'm learning as much as the kids are!
My older son plays in the under 10's and his coach has his own son playing in the team.
His son gets an award every week come what may and it does wind people up.
It's something that I'm determined not to do.
If anything I'll probably go too far the other way to avoid accusations of favouritism.
In fact, in our first game on Sunday I started my youngest on the bench to be sure.

 

[Doon frae Troon]

Shouldn't be a problem if the kid spends all day at the club though surely?

Not if they are playing golf......as I said they get bored especially as it was Mon-Fri.
I have known parents drop 8 and 9 year olds off for the day.

 

[GB72]

I've just started coaching under 7's and 8's tag rugby.
I only became involved because my youngest wanted to play and no-one else stepped up to coach the team.
I haven't played rugby for 30 years and I'm learning as much as the kids are!
My older son plays in the under 10's and his coach has his own son playing in the team.
His son gets an award every week come what may and it does wind people up.
It's something that I'm determined not to do.
If anything I'll probably go too far the other way to avoid accusations of favouritism.
In fact, in our first game on Sunday I started my youngest on the bench to be sure.

This is pretty much what my brother had to do. He already coached junior cricket but there was nobody willing to take charge of the under 7s rugby so he stepped up. He does bench his son pretty regularly and ensures that everyone has a good run out but on Sunday he took them all to a local tournament and parents were complaining that there kids were not in every match and expected his son to play less games than their kids so as there own little darlings could get more time on the pitch. Poor bloke is knackered as he works very long hours, takes groups of kids to watch the Tigers on Saturdays then on Sundays is up at the crack of dawn to coach rugby/cricket and I think the lack of appreciation this weekend was just the straw that broke the camels back. He hates confrontation at the best of times so I think that he had just been letting his annoyance build. Hopefully he will have calmed down and be back again this week.

 

[SaintHacker]

I coach an under 8 football team, its my first year in charge although I have been helping out with one of the older teams for a while.
Ive seen some pretty ugly sights at kids football matches over the years, so I basically read the parents the riot act at the start of the season. The FA are having a go at stamping it out at grassroots level with the Respect campaign, but in my opinion it wont do any real good until they get hard on it at the top level, which is basically where little johnny learns it from.

 

[GB72]

I coach an under 8 football team, its my first year in charge although I have been helping out with one of the older teams for a while.
Ive seen some pretty ugly sights at kids football matches over the years, so I basically read the parents the riot act at the start of the season. The FA are having a go at stamping it out at grassroots level with the Respect campaign, but in my opinion it wont do any real good until they get hard on it at the top level, which is basically where little johnny learns it from.

You have my sympathy there, the football teams play on some adjacent pitches and the way some of the parents behave and the language used should not be allowed at a full adult Sunday league match let alone at a kids match where having fun is the main aim.

 

[PaulE]

This is pretty much what my brother had to do. He already coached junior cricket but there was nobody willing to take charge of the under 7s rugby so he stepped up. He does bench his son pretty regularly and ensures that everyone has a good run out but on Sunday he took them all to a local tournament and parents were complaining that there kids were not in every match and expected his son to play less games than their kids so as there own little darlings could get more time on the pitch. Poor bloke is knackered as he works very long hours, takes groups of kids to watch the Tigers on Saturdays then on Sundays is up at the crack of dawn to coach rugby/cricket and I think the lack of appreciation this weekend was just the straw that broke the camels back. He hates confrontation at the best of times so I think that he had just been letting his annoyance build. Hopefully he will have calmed down and be back again this week.

This is my first time at coaching anything and it can be a bit daunting at times.
Suddenly, I'm responsible for the safety, coaching and happines of 10-12 kids (+ parents).
So far all of the parents seem to understand that there's a learning curve for all of us but I don't know how long that will last!
I did have someone on the touchline and they were rolling subs on and off every couple of minutes to give them all the same amount of game time and it worked quite well.
Bring on the cold weather, that'll test them!