Slab
Occasional Tour Caddy
So's not to detract from the serious business in the proper thread...
What with Zika risk assessments getting carried out by male golfers and rules breaches in Majors, some of the lads are bound to be getting a bit nervy about now with first tee off in 48hours.
What should they do if they encounter that 1 in a million issue this week & have questions:
• There’s sand in my pants after bunker shot, it itches. Could I have caught the Zika virus?
• It’s a bit breezy (Tour storm is >12mph) should we call a halt?
• I don’t understand my caddy’s accent
• Why have all the tour trucks prefixed their brand name with ‘Mc’
• The gallery won’t give my ball back
• The marshals all have little signs that say ‘haud yer wheesht’ what does it mean?
• The rain makes the ground wet, what to do next?
• The R&A say there’s a possible rule violation captured on TV but they’ve only got it on betamax and its a 28 day turnaround to convert it. Can I still be DQ’d next month?
• The caddy’s interpreter says the average round in Scotland takes 90 minutes but we need to get round in 78 as he’s got three more bags booked today
• That 9yr old autograph hunter has a pen that turns into a flick knife (he says it’s his Sharpie & I should give him my cap!)
• What’s a links course?
• What the hell is tablet & why does that old woman with blue hair keep offering it out of a round biscuit tin!!
• That man’s wrapped in a travel rug & got no pants on, help
• Rory keeps looking at me funny when I hit a good shot, might he have toothache (or the Zika virus)
• The caddy says he’ll ‘nut me’ if I miss the cut, is that a good thing?
• There’s Sky cameras in my bathroom at the hotel, they say the R&A told them it was OK
• Peter Alliss has a stand in the tented village selling fitted kitchens, is 75% off fascias and appliances a good deal?
• Why are Pringles sooo expensive here?
• Dear god is that a midge!
• Seriously if that’s a midge I’m outta here, I knew it wasn’t worth the risk, I don't even drink claret...
Roll on Thursday
What with Zika risk assessments getting carried out by male golfers and rules breaches in Majors, some of the lads are bound to be getting a bit nervy about now with first tee off in 48hours.
What should they do if they encounter that 1 in a million issue this week & have questions:
• There’s sand in my pants after bunker shot, it itches. Could I have caught the Zika virus?
• It’s a bit breezy (Tour storm is >12mph) should we call a halt?
• I don’t understand my caddy’s accent
• Why have all the tour trucks prefixed their brand name with ‘Mc’
• The gallery won’t give my ball back
• The marshals all have little signs that say ‘haud yer wheesht’ what does it mean?
• The rain makes the ground wet, what to do next?
• The R&A say there’s a possible rule violation captured on TV but they’ve only got it on betamax and its a 28 day turnaround to convert it. Can I still be DQ’d next month?
• The caddy’s interpreter says the average round in Scotland takes 90 minutes but we need to get round in 78 as he’s got three more bags booked today
• That 9yr old autograph hunter has a pen that turns into a flick knife (he says it’s his Sharpie & I should give him my cap!)
• What’s a links course?
• What the hell is tablet & why does that old woman with blue hair keep offering it out of a round biscuit tin!!
• That man’s wrapped in a travel rug & got no pants on, help
• Rory keeps looking at me funny when I hit a good shot, might he have toothache (or the Zika virus)
• The caddy says he’ll ‘nut me’ if I miss the cut, is that a good thing?
• There’s Sky cameras in my bathroom at the hotel, they say the R&A told them it was OK
• Peter Alliss has a stand in the tented village selling fitted kitchens, is 75% off fascias and appliances a good deal?
• Why are Pringles sooo expensive here?
• Dear god is that a midge!
• Seriously if that’s a midge I’m outta here, I knew it wasn’t worth the risk, I don't even drink claret...
Roll on Thursday
