A sign of the times?

[Alex1975]

The context is important, you are correct. How attractive you may consider yourself is not. Your example involved going up to a complete stranger at a bus stop and commenting on her appearance. That's just never ok in my opinion. You're just some random ******** that's decided to pester her.

Women are a diverse bunch but I promise you very few, if any, are happy to be hit on by random strangers on the street or on public transport.

My comment was "if he's attractive to you".

You then go on to say that women are diverse but you assure me very few if any like being hit on..... madness. This just cannot be the case?

Btw I'm in a 24 year relationship with 100% fidelity so don't hit on anyone but hid. Just think your statements are hugely sweeping?!

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

Yeah exactly, if I'd told him to "do one" I'd likely have got a mouthful of abuse or worse.

You're an intelligent woman, why would you chose to do that instead of politely saying thank you and walking away? That would diffuse most situations from my experience.

 

[FairwayDodger]

I'm sorry but I fail to see how passing a nice comment such as 'I really like your coat/shoes/dress' or whatever to someone whilst waiting at a bus stop is pestering someone. I would call it passing the time of day until the bus turns up.

That lack of empathy is your problem, I've tried to explain it from my perspective.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

That lack of empathy is your problem, I've tried to explain it from my perspective.

I have enough 'people skills' to understand when someone isn't interested in passing the time of day and know when not to pursue a conversation. Don't think that every male that strikes up a conversation with you is making a pass, some are quite simply trying to be pleasant.

 

[FairwayDodger]

My comment was "if he's attractive to you".

You then go on to say that women are diverse but you assure me very few if any like being hit on..... madness. This just cannot be the case?

Btw I'm in a 24 year relationship with 100% fidelity so don't hit on anyone but hid. Just think your statements are hugely sweeping?!

My point was that context was important. You selectively ignored the precise situation that I was referring to, which was relevant to your original example of pestering a woman at a bus stop.

 

[FairwayDodger]

I have enough 'people skills' to understand when someone isn't interested in passing the time of day and know when not to pursue a conversation.

I'm sure you do but very many don't and won't take a hint and get violent if ignored or rejected and women know that so put up with a lot of unwelcome crap.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

I'm sure you do but very many don't and won't take a hint and get violent if ignored or rejected and women know that so put up with a lot of unwelcome crap.

Maybe the issue lies with the people of Edinburgh because that certainly isn't the case down here in Bournemouth.

 

[FairwayDodger]

You're an intelligent woman, why would you chose to do that instead of politely saying thank you and walking away? That would diffuse most situations from my experience.

In this situation I was walking to work and this guy matched my pace and started walking with me. I couldn't just walk away.

 

[FairwayDodger]

Maybe the issue lies with the people of Edinburgh because that certainly isn't the case down here in Bournemouth.

You'd be surprised I think. Probably most men would if they saw what women put up with on a regular basis.

 

[Alex1975]

My point was that context was important. You selectively ignored the precise situation that I was referring to, which was relevant to your original example of pestering a woman at a bus stop.

I'm not trying to catch you out, just having the conversation. I spotted you had said that context was relevant. I also don't think matching someone's pace when walking is an acceptable approach.

 

[Pin-seeker]

Yeah exactly, if I'd told him to "do one" I'd likely have got a mouthful of abuse or worse.

Or maybe he'd av just wished you a good day.

You really do appear to have a dim view of the male species.

It must be so hard being a female in this world,I doff my hat to you.

 

[FairwayDodger]

Or maybe he'd av just wished you a good day.

You really do appear to have a dim view of the male species.

It must be so hard being a female in this world,I doff my hat to you.

Yeah, maybe. Just generally doesn't seem worth the risk though.

Your sarcasm does you no credit. This a serious subject and I'm just sad that some of you can't see it from the other side.

 

[Pin-seeker]

Yeah, maybe. Just generally doesn't seem worth the risk though.

Your sarcasm does you no credit. This a serious subject and I'm just sad that some of you can't see it from the other side.

Sorry but you make out that if a man gets knocked back by a women he suddenly turns into Jack the Ripper.

 

[HowlingGale]

Have to say if anyone paid a complete stranger a compliment like 'you look nice' or that's a nice dress it would seem to me like the start of the 'chatting up' process. If it's at a bus stop in the middle of the day it would seem a bit creepy coming from a guy. Especially an older one.

The only time it would occur to me to say something like that would be when I'm blootered. However id lose any articulation and instead of 'you look nice' it would be 'you're pure gorgeous, by the way'.

Having spoken to a number of female friends and colleagues about similar situations, believe me, unless they find you attractive it does come across as creepy.

 

[Alex1975]

Have to say if anyone paid a complete stranger a compliment like 'you look nice' or that's a nice dress it would seem to me like the start of the 'chatting up' process. If it's at a bus stop in the middle of the day it would seem a bit creepy coming from a guy. Especially an older one.

The only time it would occur to me to say something like that would be when I'm blootered. However id lose any articulation and instead of 'you look nice' it would be 'you're pure gorgeous, by the way'.

Having spoken to a number of female friends and colleagues about similar situations, believe me, unless they find you attractive it does come across as creepy.

But how are you going to know?

 

[Farmergeddon]

I once hit on a woman I didnt know by telling her she looked great, we have now been married 45 years, just how do men chat up a woman these days???
ANd on the subject of sexual harassment, I used to work for IBM fixing Punches and verifiers (the 70s!) some places had hundreds of these things all worked by women most of which were divorced just walking in some places was scary. One day I squatted down behind a machine and my trousers split, how on earth anybody heard with all the racket the machines made I have no idea but I know what happened next..

 

[Doon frae Troon]

Maybe the issue lies with the people of Edinburgh because that certainly isn't the case down here in Bournemouth.

Give over.....no women being attacked in Bournemouth.
Bet the local paper tells a different story.

 

[Blue in Munich]

When I was a kid, a wolfwhistle to a woman was a compliment.

Do I need to practice my wolf whistle for Sunday week………

 

[FairwayDodger]

Sorry but you make out that if a man gets knocked back by a women he suddenly turns into Jack the Ripper.

I've tried to explain but I actually think you're deliberately missing the point. I've been "hit on" twice recently in situations where I was alone and unable to get away. Both times by men who refused to take the hint and leave me alone. The attention was very unwelcome and, rationally or not, I was intimidated and scared.

I'm sure you'll now laugh at me for that reaction but I'm asking you to try and see it from my perspective and apply a little empathy.

 

[Alex1975]

I once hit on a woman I didnt know by telling her she looked great, we have now been married 45 years, just how do men chat up a woman these days???
ANd on the subject of sexual harassment, I used to work for IBM fixing Punches and verifiers (the 70s!) some places had hundreds of these things all worked by women most of which were divorced just walking in some places was scary. One day I squatted down behind a machine and my trousers split, how on earth anybody heard with all the racket the machines made I have no idea but I know what happened next..

:clap::thup::cheers: