# Funny Golf Stories



## patricks148 (Sep 20, 2012)

I'm off to a club match Vs Western Gailes on Friday and i've been told by the Club Captain to " expect to stand up and tell a funny golf story"

Now i know many funny stories, none suitable for mixed company, not that there will be any ladies as its a mens club.

Anyone got any good golf tales?


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## Ethan (Sep 20, 2012)

David Feherty told a story which I thought was pretty funny. 

Years ago as a young assistant pro, he was playing in a winter competition in Northern Ireland, and it was a horrible day, wet and windy. He was in deep rough and hacked his ball out, out of bounds. So he had to drop another one. In those days you dropped over your shoulder, but when he turned round he could not find the ball in the heavy wet rough, so eventually he had to drop another at the cost of 2 more shots. He found this one and played on with it. A couple of holes later the rain eventually relented so he took off his rain jacket. A ball fell out of the hood.


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## HawkeyeMS (Sep 20, 2012)

I've told this on here before but a fella who plays in our society but doesn't play very often was playing in a 4-ball. It was his turn to play but he was staring at his ball looking confused. One of the other guys asked him if he was gonna play and the conversation went...

"I can't, it's on the sprinkler head"
"Move it then"
"I can't, it's cemented in"

Cue histerical fits of laughter before one of the group managed to say "The ball you moron, move the ball"


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## bluewolf (Sep 20, 2012)

Played in a 4 ball with a couple of strangers earlier this year. We all teed off on our 5th and one of the guys hit it into the trees on the right. Before we got to help him find it, he magically found it in a decent position and played his second shot to the green. On reaching the green my usual playing partner walked past the "magic" ball, he then turned to the guy and said "it must have hit the trees pretty hard, as it's knocked the titleist right off it and replaced it with Top Flite". Cue a hissy fit and a walk of shame off the course.


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## SwingsitlikeHogan (Sep 20, 2012)

First tee at the Old Course between Christmas and New Year - early morning in a gale - hellish hangover from night before.  Playing with a member of the R&A and two members of The New.  Being the low h'cap (off 6 at the time) I was invited to show the way.  So backswing - buffetted by wind and ... just tickled the ball off the front of the tee.  Oops.  Everyone else drives off nicely.  I wander up to my ball just off the front of the tee and cream a three iron under the gale straight at the flag.  Turns around nodding approvingly to myself.  Three partners standing there arms folded, smiling and shaking their heads.  Member says ' aye - good shot son - wrong golf course'.  I belted my ball straight out of bounds at a flag on the neighbouring (Jubilee?) course.  Oh well - that's St Andrews for you.

Don't know if it's very funny - but everyone in the fourball laughed - even me with my hangover


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## SocketRocket (Sep 20, 2012)

Two guys are playing together in a competition and both hit their balls into the same bunker.  
When they get to it the first guy says "I'm playing a Pro V 1'
the second guy says "So am I"
The first guy says "Mines a No 2"
The second guy says "So is mine"
The first guy says "I have a red dot over the letter i"
The second guy says "So do I"
They decide to call over the course Marshall for a decision.

The Marshall stands looking into the bunker for a minute and then says:

"Which one of you is playing the yellow ball then"


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## Scadge (Sep 20, 2012)

My former boss was a great story teller and his great golf story was as follows...

A few days after taking delivery of his new Company car, a really smashing BMW 6 series, as promised he decided to take his secretary out for a spin as she had chased the delivery and generally been brilliant sorting the order.  

As they are driving along she points to one of the controls and asks what does that do ? "that's cruise control for maintaining an even speed" he replies, 
what's that pocket for ? "that's for my sunglasses", 
what's that button ? "that's for the heated sets"
what are those for she says pointing to few golf tees in a tray by the handbreak ? "those are for putting your balls on"

*"wow" she says "BMW really think of everything"*


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## golfdub (Sep 21, 2012)

The BMW joke was the best yet !!!


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## CMAC (Sep 21, 2012)

golfdub said:



			The BMW joke was the oldest yet !!!
		
Click to expand...

Corrected for you.

So how did the match and 'comedy speech' go?


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## CliveW (Sep 21, 2012)

SwingsitlikeHogan said:



			First tee at the Old Course between Christmas and New Year - early morning in a gale - hellish hangover from night before. Playing with a member of the R&A and two members of The New. Being the low h'cap (off 6 at the time) I was invited to show the way. So backswing - buffetted by wind and ... just tickled the ball off the front of the tee. Oops. Everyone else drives off nicely. I wander up to my ball just off the front of the tee and cream a three iron under the gale straight at the flag. Turns around nodding approvingly to myself. Three partners standing there arms folded, smiling and shaking their heads. Member says ' aye - good shot son - wrong golf course'. I belted my ball straight out of bounds at a flag on the neighbouring (Jubilee?) course. Oh well - that's St Andrews for you.

Don't know if it's very funny - but everyone in the fourball laughed - even me with my hangover
		
Click to expand...

That was some three iron!!! It's about half a mile to the nearest pin on the other courses.


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## SwingsitlikeHogan (Sep 21, 2012)

Before we got married my Mrs drove a knackered old Metro.  One day she comes to me and says the lighting stalk has broken - snapped - it broke when I tried to flash someone.  

Strange I thinks as I go to have a look - and there hanging from the steering column is a very broken and sad looking *indicator* stalk.  On drawing my beloved's attention to this detail she mutters - 'oh dear - I thought that was for the lights' 

Yup for ages she had been 'indicating' using the lighting stalk and doing her lights using the indicator stalk.  So all that time pulling on the indicator stalk to flash her lights eventually weakened the stalk so much it just snapped.  Goodness knows how she never spotted that her indicator lights were never blinking - but for all that time she hadn't been indicating either.  I still married her!


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