Your funniest golf story/joke?

[drawboy]

a man and his wife were enjoying another lovely round on the 14th hole, they reached the green and the lady clutched her chest in agony, fell to her knees and shouted "Jim, I'm having an attack, quick go get help"!
Jim shot off. 15 minutes later he strolled back onto the green, picked up his putter and lined up his putt.
"Jim, you swine, I'm having a heart attack and you are putting out, I don't believe you" shouted the wife. Jim calmly replied " Calm down Susan, I got to the first tee and luckily Doctor Anderson was waiting to tee off, he said he'll come and see you".
"But Jim it'll take him ages to get here from the first, I could die" groaned the wife.
"Don't worry love" Jim said " I've had a word with the lads and they have agree to let him play through"!!

 

[palindromicbob]

Organising a game with a couple of forummers and chatting about it for a fortnight or so on twitter/text between ourselves only for one of the chaps to drive 1 1/2 in the wrong direction and then boast about being early and the course looking in great condition :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I don't think it was ever mentioned on here though

Not funny in the slightest.

 

[smange]

Organising a game with a couple of forummers and chatting about it for a fortnight or so on twitter/text between ourselves only for one of the chaps to drive 1 1/2 in the wrong direction and then boast about being early and the course looking in great condition :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I don't think it was ever mentioned on here though

Or the same forummer being late (AGAIN) and having to run onto the first tee and change shoes there while I hit my tee shot or the next time we played with that same forummer, telling him the tee time was a half hour earlier than it actually was just to get him there in time and he arrived an hour before the supposed tee time meaning he had to stand around for an hour and a half :rofl:

That forummers name shall remain undisclosed to save his embarrassment

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Not funny in the slightest.

 

[Odvan]

Organising a game with a couple of forummers and chatting about it for a fortnight or so on twitter/text between ourselves only for one of the chaps to drive 1 1/2 in the wrong direction and then boast about being early and the course looking in great condition :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I don't think it was ever mentioned on here though

Or the same forummer being late (AGAIN) and having to run onto the first tee and change shoes there while I hit my tee shot or the next time we played with that same forummer, telling him the tee time was a half hour earlier than it actually was just to get him there in time and he arrived an hour before the supposed tee time meaning he had to stand around for an hour and a half :rofl:

That forummers name shall remain undisclosed to save his embarrassment

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Not funny in the slightest.

Quality, absolute quality! :clap:

 

[Imurg]

This has been posted before as well but it's worth repeating

At the first Blackmoor meet I played with TXL and Aztec in the morning.
On the 9th (par3) I tee'd off, refilled my divot with mixture before TXL did the same.
As Aztec was setting up to drive, TXL got a huge trowel-full of divot mixture, enough for about 10, and handed it to Jon as he turned......
The look on his face was a treat....

 

[USER1999]

Dave and Martin are sharing a buggy. They get to the par 5 13 th, and dave stripes his drive down the middle, as does Martin. Dave has to play first. He pulls a 3w and bangs it up onto the green. Great shot says Martin, except he notices dave putting the club back into HIS bag. He queries this with dave, saying I think you have played one of my clubs.

Dave's reply is priceless.

I thought it was a bit odd, because I don't even own a 3w!



Happened last Saturday.

 

[Andy808]

Just told the wife a couple of these and she said "I'm such a golf widow. If I'm going to be a golf widow I want my house spotless"
To which I replied " you'll have plenty of time to do it while I'm playing golf!"
I'll let you know how the fight goes!

 

[HickoryShaft]

Funniest antic I have seen on the course was on a society day. A couple of guys in our group had us laughing most of the round with the banter then on about the 14th one of the group took an enormous divot.

One of the live wires ran over and said "just what I have been looking for" and placed it on his bald patch then proceeded to play the rest of the round with it on. I guess you had to be there to get the full effect but it had us all laughing back to the clubhouse where he got a massive cheer from the society guys we were with.

 

[SocketRocket]

Two guys playing in a competition and both hit their balls into a bunker.

As they get there the first guy says to the other "Which ball is yours"

The second guy says "Mines a Titliest 2"

The first says "So is mine"

The second says "I mark mine with two black dots"

The first says "So do I"

The second says" We had better ask the Course Marshall"

The Marshall comes over and peers into the bunker for a few minutes then looks up and says "Which one is playing the yellow ball"

 

[Foxholer]

Being the only one with a course planner, Homer not telling his forum playing partners there was a huge pond just out of sight in the middle of the fairway at Camberley always makes me chuckle.

I guess that also means you missed the fairly large sign stating something like 'Distance to Lake 216 yds' (maybe 206)

 

[richart]

I guess that also means you missed the fairly large sign stating something like 'Distance to Lake 216 yds' (maybe 206)

Who said I was one of the forumers ? Perhaps someone was standing in front of the sign so no one could see it.

 

[Foxholer]

Who said I was one of the forumers ? Perhaps someone was standing in front of the sign so no one could see it.

Indeed. I missed that subtlety. It is a rther lrfe sign though - 6 ot 7 inches high and 3 feet wide. It was after 15 holes with Homer though, so..... :smirk:

Another demonstration of a situation where GPS has an advantage over Laser!

 

[mat100p]

3 blokes on the first tee at Augusta are approach by a lady golfer asking would they mind if she made up a four ball, they inquired to her handicap to which she replies scratch, the first nine proceeds well and the lady is level par "I'm so pleased she says it's always been my dream to play Augusta and I'm level par after nine" she says
After 17 she's one under "I can't believe it she says I'm one under par with one to play at Augusta it's a dream come true, The lady hits a great drive down the middle of the 18 fairway then her 2nd makes the front edge of the green she putts up to 3 foot, " I can,t believe it she says just this 3 footer and I've played Augusta in 1 under
It's my lives ambition come true""if any of you 3 can help with the line of my putt I'll take you in the trees and show you a good time!!!!!"
1st guy"I've been a member at Augusta for 10years left edge and slow"
2nd guy"I've been a member at Augusta for20 years straight and firm "
3rd guy"I've been a member at Augusta for 30 years and you can have the putt"

 

[Ethan]

I guess that also means you missed the fairly large sign stating something like 'Distance to Lake 216 yds' (maybe 206)

That unnecessary and out of character hazard spoils an otherwise decent hole on a very good course.

 

[Paul_Stewart]

Two women go into Muirfield and ask to join. The Secretary says yes OK.

or


A thread about jokes and gags on this forum goes four pages without someone making a complaint and a Mod going over the top and banning someone.

 

[Ethan]

A thread about jokes and gags on this forum goes four pages without a Mod going over the top and banning someone.

Must .... resist ........ temptation ....

 

[markgs]

standing in a bunker that had quicksand in it and getting pulled out with a tractor, That was one mighty hazard. Next year they are putting land mines in the rough as a deterrent to keep on the fairway can not wait

 

[PhilTheFragger]

This has been posted before as well but it's worth repeating

At the first Blackmoor meet I played with TXL and Aztec in the morning.
On the 9th (par3) I tee'd off, refilled my divot with mixture before TXL did the same.
As Aztec was setting up to drive, TXL got a huge trowel-full of divot mixture, enough for about 10, and handed it to Jon as he turned......
The look on his face was a treat....

Or last years H4H day at the 18th when Imurg was pin high but unfortunately 40 yards right in thick heather facing a steep uphill chip with everybody watching from the terrace

He hits it flush, airmails the green and carries onto the terrace , bounces around , everyone scatters and the ball bounces down a drain hole

Duncan ruled that he gets relief for an unmovable object, but that the terrace was OOB
Oh how we laughed

 

[Imurg]

Or last years H4H day at the 18th when Imurg was pin high but unfortunately 40 yards right in thick heather facing a steep uphill chip with everybody watching from the terrace

He hits it flush, airmails the green and carries onto the terrace , bounces around , everyone scatters and the ball bounces down a drain hole

Duncan ruled that he gets relief for an unmovable object, but that the terrace was OOB
Oh how we laughed

That was funny - not sure Sandy was too pleased - nearly killed her!

And I challenge anyone to get a cleaner strike from 12" heather!!

 

[joma1108]

20 years ago standing at the second at Barshaw Park in Paisley, playing with my brother.

I nailed a drive and woke up in an ambulance.

turns out it had hit a bin 5 yards in front of me (i now know you CAN shank a driver) came back at me like a rocket, hit on the left eyebrow split me open (needed 12 stitches) had mild concussion and spent a night in hospital after a brian scan (they found one thankfully)

Met my brother the next day and he had this gem

"its your own fault, if you had shouted fore then you might have had a chance to get out of the way of it" !?!?!?!?

i laughed and it hurt