Weddings

[Voyager EMH]

The finances are not the big problem. It’s do I give her more than her sister, even though sister says it’s fine.
Then it’s how his his family would feel if we pay for everything and if they don’t mind how much is everything?
Do we put on a free bar etc?

Never, ever do that one.
I've seen a lot of disasters, ill feeling, regrets, resentments. Just not worth it.

Those who want to get hammered can do it at their own expense - they are usually quite used to that.

 

[IanM]

I'd like a helicopter to take me to Queenwood twice a week for a game. Doesn't mean it is going to happen.

 

[Lucifer MorningStar]

I'd like a helicopter to take me to Queenwood twice a week for a game. Doesn't mean it is going to happen.

I’d like to take me there for a game just once

I agree with you though, boundaries need setting out from the initial chat altogether and being stuck to no matter what eye lids get batted at you and what upset it might cause the end result is a wedding for a happy couple not to bankrupt the bank of dad for a wannabe fairytale day

 

[Lord Tyrion]

Trouble is, nowadays kids see things on social media and want the same. Never mind the cost and that half (most?) of what is posted on social media isn't real, they think that they should have the same and what for? To post a few pictures of their own?

Easy to tar a whole generation but I've had this discussion with my daughter, 23 and no wedding in sights for a while to come. Her and her friends have talked about weddings and none want a lavish affair. Low key is the common denominator. If anything, we are trying to persuade her that if the day comes, who knows if it will, then we would like to be there and a wedding does not have to be a grand affair. They can be whatever scale you want them to be. She seems to worry that a wedding has to be big and she absolutely does not want that. It doesn't, it can be any size you want it to be.

As to the OP. Equal amounts, end of. Any more required and the bride and groom can provide that.

 

[irip]

Never, ever do that one.
I've seen a lot of disasters, ill feeling, regrets, resentments. Just not worth it.

Those who want to get hammered can do it at their own expense - they are usually quite used to that.

I agree, I think it’s a thing of the past. If it ever was.
I don’t think anyone would expect it
It’s sounding like Jamaica is the favourite destination but I’m not going to pay for others to go there.
That is the difference between her sisters wedding and what we gave her.
It’s like comparing apples to oranges m.
I’m so confused

 

[Lucifer MorningStar]

I agree, I think it’s a thing of the past. If it ever was.
I don’t think anyone would expect it
It’s sounding like Jamaica is the favourite destination but I’m not going to pay for others to go there.
That is the difference between her sisters wedding and what we gave her.
It’s like comparing apples to oranges m.
I’m so confused

This is a win of a situation we contributed to it for the abroad wedding £5k covered literally the majority of it but the caveat was all guests pay for themselves because outside of the ceremony they’re getting a holiday which is their responsibility and wasn’t mine.

 

[IanM]

None of my business, and I know nothing of the circumstances of the people, but some of the items listed are funny. Three Hen-dos? Poor girl must need more than that!

Is that actually part of the wedding?

Set them a budget. What they decide is their business, if they need more, they can fund it.

 

[irip]

This is a win of a situation we contributed to it for the abroad wedding £5k covered literally the majority of it but the caveat was all guests pay for themselves because outside of the ceremony they’re getting a holiday which is their responsibility and wasn’t mine.

The problem is I can see us paying for half of his family and ours.
No problem paying for people you want there but I’m not paying for Great Aunt Mildred.
The good thing with a wedding abroad is you find out who really wants to come.
Also it rules out Westminster Abbey

 

[Lucifer MorningStar]

The problem is I can see us paying for half of his family and ours.
No problem paying for people you want there but I’m not paying for Great Aunt Mildred.
The good thing with a wedding abroad is you find out who really wants to come.
Also it rules out Westminster Abbey

I genuinely don’t get this! Why should you be paying for half his family.

If they can’t afford it then the bride and groom need to consider how important that specific location is. It’s not about you being out of pocket and ultimately if people can’t afford it that’s not your problem and they shouldn’t be expecting you to foot that bill. personally I’d be embarrassed for someone else paying for me to attend a wedding abroad.

With my daughters wedding the grooms and her grandparents didn’t come because it wasn’t mine or his parents responsibility to pay for people to be there. It’s down to the bride and groom to understand that’s what is part and parcel of an abroad wedding.

 

[irip]

I genuinely don’t get this! Why should you be paying for half his family.

If they can’t afford it then the bride and groom need to consider how important that specific location is. It’s not about you being out of pocket and ultimately if people can’t afford it that’s not your problem and they shouldn’t be expecting you to foot that bill. personally I’d be embarrassed for someone else paying for me to attend a wedding abroad.

With my daughters wedding the grooms and her grandparents didn’t come because it wasn’t mine or his parents responsibility to pay for people to be there. It’s down to the bride and groom to understand that’s what is part and parcel of an abroad wedding.

To be fair he is very close to his mum and one of his uncles. I’m not sure of their financial positions but he has often spoken about them and if a situation arises that they could not afford to attend I would be happy to pay for them. I don’t want to pay for people who have had no interest in them but fancy a free holiday.

 

[irip]

To be fair he is very close to his mum and one of his uncles. I’m not sure of their financial positions but he has often spoken about them and if a situation arises that they could not afford to attend I would be happy to pay for them. I don’t want to pay for people who have had no interest in them but fancy a free holiday.

Me and the Mrs have had chat and agreed an amount we will give to the couple. This is the final amount with no extras. Let’s see what’s.l happens tonight

 

[Slab]

Me and the Mrs have had chat and agreed an amount we will give to the couple. This is the final amount with no extras. Let’s see what’s.l happens tonight

Stay strong
You can always ask daughter to state her case on here if she's looking for a bigger budget , we got you

 

[Lord Tyrion]

'But dad, I need a 3 day wedding '
'I'm sorry, the fellas on the forum say it's the same as your sister and that's the end of it '
'Who'
'The fellas, they know their stuff '

I think that should work well.

I'm sure I speak for everyone on here when I say we expect a full debrief after the family meeting

 

[Lucifer MorningStar]

'But dad, I need a 3 day wedding '
'I'm sorry, the fellas on the forum say it's the same as your sister and that's the end of it '
'Who'
'The fellas, they know their stuff '

I think that should work well.

I'm sure I speak for everyone on here when I say we expect a full debrief after the family meeting

I’ve got the popcorn ready for the debrief.

 

[KenL]

I just can’t get my head around the amount of money “wasted” on weddings, especially if the couple have been living together for a long time.

 

[HampshireHog]

I say be even handed and give the same amount and support that you gave your first daughter.

I’d also give them cash for them to manage as their wedding budget rather than funding a specific element of the wedding.

I don’t think many people expect a free bar these days at a wedding. Drinks on arrival, wine on the table, and toasts

 

[Hobbit]

I just can’t get my head around the amount of money “wasted” on weddings, especially if the couple have been living together for a long time.

Daughter #1 had a reasonably quite affair, all paid for by her and her husband.

Daughter #2 went for the full Monty, which I didn’t have a problem with. It most definitely wasn’t cheap. 11 months later she kicked him out and got a restraining order…. Actually, I paid him several thousand to leave, at his suggestion, and I happily paid it. All told it ran well into 5 figures, over £2k a month…

 

[CliveW]

I might be old fashioned, but if they’ve been living together for seven years and have a two year old child they do not deserve a lavish wedding.

 

[Tashyboy]

I am of the ilk that if one has a lolly, they all have a lolly.

So if you have spent 10K on one daughter, you spend 10 K on the other. To not do so can and will cause division.
But stick to your figure. No shifting. If said daughter needs more for the fairytale wedding. SHE finds the extra.
If she only spends 8K. 2 K can go on the honeymoon or house.
The bottom line is that you have a budget and that’s it. They also have to contribute.
Even if the wedding cost 8K and the other in laws give X pounds. I would still give the same as other daughter recieved.

 

[Pin-seeker]

I cant get my head around spending so much on 1 day.
Could have a couple of nice holidays.