Time For A Change?

[GB72]

After a particularly bad round on Saturday I think that I have reached the decision that it is time for a change. I have finally realised that my days of being competitive at golf are disappearing. I simply do not have the time due to work commitments to practice and I only get to play maybe once a week at best for most of the year. As such, I turn up on a Saturday morning with whatever swing I can cobble together and maybe 3/4s of the way round I finally start playing some average golf. By then, of course, it is far too late to put in any sort of competitive card.
People will say that it is not about the winning, it is you verses the course etc and to a certain extent that is true. The thing is I came from a competitive background playing rugby to a reasonable level and I cannot just be there to make up the numbers. It is not about expecting to win, it is about standing on the first tee thinking that there is a chance that this could be my day for a handicap cut or even to challenge the top of the leaderboard. Without more time to dedicate to the game, that is never going to happen.
Then there is the other element of the game, the social element, the friendly round and the banter. With my old group at Stoke that was the most fun I could have on a course. 4 ball better ball on a Saturday morning, very competitive, huge amounts of banter and all to avoid handing over a fiver. Don’t get me wrong, my current group are nice but they do not get the need to be competitive in a friendly knock. They are happy just to amble round hitting a ball for 4 hours. They are nice but they are very staid. The club has no roll ups at weekends either (except the Sunday one for the great and the good of the club that you need to be invited to) so no chance to put myself in a more competitive environment.
I am also playing less golf this year. My wife and her family are not from a sporting background and do not understand my desire to play some form of sport at the weekend. They see it as a silly game, a waste of time and so will not take my desire to fit one round of golf in at a weekend as part of their plans. It is something that I should put to one side whenever necessary. I think I played twice in September as a result and my game has gone a little further downhill as a result.
There is also the social element. I am used to being a member of a sporting club, to be fully involved in the club and to be committed to it socially as well as using it to play sport. That side has never developed. I have tried but the clubhouse is a bit stuffy and I cannot go to endless dinner dances where I am the youngest in the room by at least 20 years. That is not a slight on the club, that is me. I just do not fit in with the ‘traditional’ club member that my club wishes everyone to aspire to be. At present I am not a member of a club, I do not feel connected to the club beyond playing the course.
This may sound like me having a rant or wanting to change the traditions of a long established club or me throwing my toys out of the pram because I am not winning, it is not. It is actually a bit sad to write this but the simple fact is that I am falling out of love with the game at the moment. I have involuntarily become a car park golfer because golf club life just does not suit me and my lack of time to practice, play or even warm up has meant that my game has become a source of frustration and for the first time on Saturday I was walking round the course with a feeling that I did not want to be there.
This is not me giving up the game totally. There is a new pro at out place who does seem to want to bring about some changes. If those involve weekend roll ups etc then I may give it another year. At least I have until April to see what happens with that. If there are no changes, I am not going to keep paying for a course I do not play that often in an environment that I do not enjoy. The local little 9 hole course at Sudbrook is £150 to be a member and £4.00 for a round thereafter. I can use that to maintain a handicap, play the odd open if I feel like it and play as a members guest at my current club or at Stapleford Park as the need arises. What I have realised is that I need to change something before the frustrations of my game and club life make me give up the game for good.

 

[Alex1975]

Hmm, A lot going on there....

My opinion: Its not a problem to fall out of love with golf from time to time. When you feel that coming, come on here and have a little moan but don't make any plans, the hunger can come back fast! You cant know how you are going to feel in a week or month.

Do not talk like a looser or you will become one. You say your a competitive person from a sporting back ground... if that's true you know you need to keep your head right. A sports person does not give up, make a bunch of excuses or put things in their own way. Don't worry about anyone else, crack on and be commutative. Your a 15 handicap, better than the average golfer. Give yourself some respect. You can go out and play good golf, practice or not, warm up or not.

Its possible you will give your family a lot, it might well be that you deserve a little time doing something that's important to you, they do not need to understand but if you feel they do then make them. Sight heath, head space and the need to feel self respect.

Enjoy yourself!! Many many many times I have started badly and made buffer, PB, a good personal scrap.... Fight from hole one to 18 one shot at a time!

 

[pokerjoke]

Take a break see how it goes you never know whats around the corner.

My dad has just made the same decision and has asked me to sell all his gear.
His reason is different and im gutted but as I said things can change quickly.

 

[Hacker Khan]

Interesting points you make as through the secret shopper thing I do where I pretend I want to be a member of a club and get a look round, I heard very similar things to what you said, especially about the social side of your club. Lovely track but very traditional and a bit stuffy.

Hope you find somewhere to play to keep your interest as the game also needs to cater for those who do especially want or value all the traditional membership side of things, but just want to play some golf on a decent track.

 

[MendieGK]

its them Adams irons mate, they've ruined your game

 

[GB72]

Totally the opposite. They are very nice and have probably stopped me feeling like this sooner

 

[ScienceBoy]

Short courses are the answer! Nothing re-invigorated my passion like the local par 3 course I played, the advantage is the shorter time taken to play.

There will always be a place for the par 72 club golfer but the majority of the future lies in courses 3000-5500 yards with a good mix of par 3s, short par 4s and the odd longer hole or par 5.

They take up less land, cost less to run, take less time to play and are just as fun (for most of us).

Courses like sudbrook more are the future and we should have lots LOTS more of them instead of new "championship" layouts that fold 10 years later...

EDIT: This is my ideal course to be a member at: http://www.avingtongolf.co.uk/scorecard

Locally to me this is my preferred choice for membership: http://www.girtongolf.co.uk/course.aspx?course=74 Probably a little on the long side

 

[jamielaing]

Ultimately if you want to play then play, if you don't then don't.

If I were you I would not force myself to play over the winter but instead play if I felt the need/want to. At the end of the winter this may gave you a clear indication of where your feelings are.

It sounds to me that your club isn't suiting you also. For me, this really depends what you want from the club. It sounds like we are similar ages (I'm 30) and I use the club for golf and a little social before and after the round. I have tried to support it by attending the dances which is difficult because it ends up just being me and my group with a bunch of 60 year olds. Ultimately this just means that we go to town when we want a social night.

What does sound difficult here is that your wife and her family don't factor in your golf. Or rather time to yourself. I can relate because at times my missus complains about the amount of golf I play although I play 3-4 times a week so she may have a point. Her family play sport and her dad played golf so they certainly understand my need but what I would say is that you should be able to take a few hours to yourself a couple of times a week. I think, reading what you have written that it may be external pressures that are making you feel you don't have time etc and are therefore struggling to enjoy it. We all need time to ourselves, golf is mine. I established that with my missus and now she is saying there is something wrong with me because I haven't played this week!

If you do want to play I would suggest saying to your missus and her family that a Saturday morning is when you will be doing your own thing and do whatever it is you want during that time. If it's golf, great. If it's not, you have your answer.

 

[Hobbit]

Play as long as you can! You'll miss it if its taken away from you.

I've struggled with the game for several years now, sometimes producing really good rounds. But on other occasions, usually, as the back and the hip have given out I've produced some dross. Half a round will see some great golf, absolutely fabulous golf, whilst the other half of a round sees me struggling to make contact with the ball, and most shots come with the added benefit of real serious pain.

I have, today, been given a very stark choice. Stop, or ................... stop. I'd give my right arm to be fit enough to continue - sorry, black humour.

Sorry if its a bit me, me, me. If you can manage yours and your family's expectations, keep playing... only you can manage them. But don't give up if you can accommodate those expectations. As for the club you're at, why play somewhere you don't like... no sense in that.

 

[Curls]

Have to say the social side, from spin ups to the atmosphere in the clubhouse, is a massively important part of golf for me. Its the being part of a club feeling, getting to know folk and having a laugh with them that takes the sting out of a poor round of golf. I'd say join a more sociable club, sounds like a big part of what you were missing.

 

[daverollo]

It's a tough one GB, it very much sounds as though you need to find some new playing partners to mix things up a bit. Playing with the same folk week in week out can dampen your sharpness (from my experience) unless the banter is good and their is some cash/thing on the line, which clearly is lacking at the moment.

Do you have colleagues who aren't members their that you play golf with as well? or literally just at the club?

Golf is a game that requires some work if you want to keep improving, but even if you can get to the course 45mins before your tee time that should give you enough time to either hit a few balls on the range, or do some chipping and putting and get you head into 'golf' mode. That and playing with complete strangers will see you soon playing better again.

The last part, about playing with strangers, can work in many different ways.
- You don't want to look an arse and so will get focused on the golf
- You might find some interesting people to relax and have some banter with
- If they aren't talkers then you can just focus on your own game and get absorbed in that.

to name a few!

I recall playing Belton Park around 20 odd years ago, cracking track from what I can remember

Just another thought, have you ever entered any 'open' events at other clubs? One thing I am looking forward to next year is entering a few, reduced green fees, courses normally in cracking nick and a chance to win a few quid if you play well. Failing that, you have played on a new track.

 

[Crow]

I totally agree on the social side Greg, it's a shame you don't live closer to my course, it pretty much has all you're looking for.

I don't have a regular group but know I can drop into any group with a spare place going (we use on-line booking) and be it a comp or a social I'll be welcomed. If it's a social then 9 times out of 10 there'll be some form of comp for a few pounds plus bragging rights.
We also have a pretty active social side to the club

I hope that the new Pro shakes things up a bit for you and introduces some life into the club social side, stick it out until then and see how you feel come subs time.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

It's very difficult. As a teenager I was half decent. Now I'm decent twice a year and I feel the frustration that the work and time I'm putting in doesn't always reap the rewards I feel it should. However on the other side of the coin it's only my wife and I and she has her own interests, mainly her garden which is her pride and joy, and so is happy for me to play.

Clearly it sounds like the OP has pressure from the family about the time golf takes and that's a tough balancing act. I hope he can get get back into golf in a way he likes and that doesn't impact on family time.

 

[Smiffy]

For the first time on Saturday I was walking round the course with a feeling that I did not want to be there.

Been there, (quite recently in fact), and got the t-shirt.
I find that a break helps wonders.
Sometimes quite a long one too.

 

[la_lucha]

I played at the weekend, my first round since the end of July for the same reasons as you Greg. I haven't missed the weekly round even though the company at the course each week was outstanding. Last week was the first time that I really fancied a game in quite a while and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I didn't keep score but played a match with the father in law and I think that made a big difference.

I'm in no rush to get back out though and will be surprised if I get out again before christmas. Sometimes a break is just what you need, but don't sell off the gear.

 

[PhilTheFragger]

Anyone got a hankie?

Uncalled for. Greg has been a member of this forum for years, is an ex moderator and works behind the scenes for the H4H event,
He is also an extremely nice bloke, so when someone like that has a problem and turns to the forum for help / advice it should be forthcoming.

If you have any helpful comments or suggestions then wade in, otherwise jog on

 

[TheCaddie]

Certainly sounds like a tough situation. Difficult family and course isn't giving you what you need.

This might be two steps back one step forward, but why don't you take a break from the competitive side? Hear me out....

Practice hard with the time you have and immerse yourself in the actual golf side. If you play alone, you can get up at the crack of dawn and the the first one out on a Saturday or Sunday morning (or both) and get back in time for family stuff mid morning so everyone is happy.

As you focus on the golf, you will quickly start to improve at the rate you want and then you can start entering competitive golf again next year.

I am from a slightly different situation, I am relatively new to golf and I want to be able to play to an OK level before entering comps. I am really lucky in the fact that I play with my partner, but for me, it's about working hard on my game now so that I can enter comps at some stage next year, get an OK handicap and then go from there.

I still have the same pressures and also played sport to a competitive level my whole life and can only play once a week, have a hectic diary, and family dotted around the country, so for the winter it probably will be once a week, work hard as i can, and count down for the summer months!!

 

[Craigg]

Been there, (quite recently in fact), and got the t-shirt.
I find that a break helps wonders.
Sometimes quite a long one too.

You're not wrong there.
I took a 15 year break but never sold up. Been back around a year now and loving it.
To the op. You have to do what's right for you in your mind. (Don't sell the bats though)

 

[virtuocity]

Putting my golfer's hat on, I would suggest that you really consider fun-over-stature when it comes to golf. I've been lucky enough in my 4 years of golf to play a number of nice courses up here, as well as join in forum meets, driving 5 hours to hit balls around with sticks.

My findings:

-GM forum meets are really exciting and an amazing laugh. I had a complete blast at Gainsborough this year and instantly booked up for the next year. In fact, if this trip were not to be continued for many a year to come, then I'd be legitimately gutted. This shows that the company is most important to me

-I always enjoy playing new courses, but it's important to recognise your own feelings when it comes to picking your home course. I've chopped and changed clubs and as daft as it seems, the only time I feel a buzz of excitement prior to golfing is when I know I'm going to my first club, a short 9 holer. Most folk would consider this as crazy but I know what course 'does it' for me

Putting my social worker hat on:

-Golf is a time-consuming game. With four kids under my roof, it's a huge task for anyone to handle the weekend kids runs, food shopping etc with a squad in tow. I couldn't, or rather wouldn't, play regular weekend golf without Mrs V understanding its importance to me. It's not even about the game itself, it's about the recognition of it's subsidiary benefits: time to relax, get a little exercise, recharge my mental batteries after a long week, spend rare time with friends and to make a few deposits into the bank of self-esteem when I hit a few good shots. Golf itself (14 clubs, balls, tees, grass, greens, holes) isn't that important to me. It's the, often unacknowledged, benefits that would be a huge loss to me. Mrs V recognises this and therefore supports me. It's important that you can have the discussion with others about what golf gives to you.

Good luck!

 

[Deleted member 15344]

It would a shame if you stopped playing golf but you wouldn't be the first to take a break and then find you would miss it

Hopefully that is the case as have heard nothing but good things about you and you are one of the guys who I would have liked to have a round with at a forum meet