Smacking children, should you do it.

[pokerjoke]

You mean lazy posting by you IMHO

Did you think about actually adding something to the thread or perhaps replying to my first sentence or do you think it is just rubbish ? You did not even ask how many times I have smacked my son, but by all means you judge away :lol: :wink:

Actually I deleted my post because I didn't mean to link it to your post but for some reason it got posted, apologies.

 

[Deleted member 18121]

What do you think is the best course of action then?

My own way of dealing with it is to pull my son to one side where no one can hear and talk really quietly but sternly to him about what he did wrong and what the "punishment" will be (its the way my mum dealt with me), in my mind he then understands the seriousness of the situation...... he's nearly 6 and so far so good.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

I think that is the crux of it. Previous generations didn't know the potential harm it can cause and there's no way anyone can blame them.

However, it's all well and good all of the older 'it didnt do me any harm' generation on here saying 'it worked for me' and not having an issue with it. But in reality you should consider yourselves fortunate to not have been negatively effected by it.

Even putting my moral compass aside for a second, scientific research studies have shown there are no benefits to smacking children - it doesnt result in 'learning' better/different behaviours, yet it has conclusively been linked to slower development, increased aggression, mental health, depression, substance abuse etc. All things that are right at the fore of society in 2018.

No benefits, lots of negatives and morally questionable.

As a parent it feels as if every decision you make around raising children is judged and therefore I am loathed to judge any parent, but physical discipline to a powerless child is something I'll never be on board with.

I think you have kinda shot yourself in the foot with the highlighted bit. Us 'older generation' that were smacked as kids generally have better manners, more respect and a better 'moral compass' than the younger kids of today who have grown up in a society of less smacking and more 'lets discuss your bad behaviour' syndrome.

 

[Deleted member 21258]

Actually I deleted my post because I didn't mean to link it to your post but for some reason it got posted, apologies.

No worries with me, new forum gremlins :lol:

This whole subject is such a minefield and just do not think one answer solves everything, would be great if it did, as parenting would be so much easier, its hard. Just ask my parents and most parents, as parents you just want the 'best' for your children but what is the best and how do you get there, still don't have the answer haha.

 

[Don Barzini]

I think you have kinda shot yourself in the foot with the highlighted bit. Us 'older generation' that were smacked as kids generally have better manners, more respect and a better 'moral compass' than the younger kids of today who have grown up in a society of less smacking and more 'lets discuss your bad behaviour' syndrome.

Any actual hard evidence of this? Or is this just your own perception?

 

[TheDiablo]

I think you have kinda shot yourself in the foot with the highlighted bit. Us 'older generation' that were smacked as kids generally have better manners, more respect and a better 'moral compass' than the younger kids of today who have grown up in a society of less smacking and more 'lets discuss your bad behaviour' syndrome.

I've shot myself in the foot by referring to peer reviewed extensive academia as opposed to anecdotal evidence by older golfers? OK then.

I'd argue the younger generation gave better manners, more respect and a certainly a better moral compass than the older generation. We can all just argue that with anecdotal stories until the cows come home and nobody will have changed their mind.

Every generation believes the ones to follow them behave worse. I couldn't put it any better than Socrates who was quoted by Don Barzini above.

 

[pokerjoke]

I think you have kinda shot yourself in the foot with the highlighted bit. Us 'older generation' that were smacked as kids generally have better manners, more respect and a better 'moral compass' than the younger kids of today who have grown up in a society of less smacking and more 'lets discuss your bad behaviour' syndrome.

Don't agree with this at all.
I would say I as a kid who was smacked and smacked hard really wanted to make sure I never treated my kids the same way.
Did smacking do me any harm,I would say it did in lots of ways.
Bringing up my kids without smacking has given me great joy,my kids have all been so well behaved and are so well mannered,and this has been mentioned many times in public by people I've never met.
We all see kids that we are glad are not ours because they seem un bearable and seem so badly behaved.
Who knows what goes on behind closed doors or even if the child has mental issues.
IMO and its only an opinion hitting,smacking is wrong because I believe talking is better,whether its the right way who knows but its work for me,and my kids are much politer than I ever was.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

Any actual hard evidence of this? Or is this just your own perception?

There is plenty of evidence, just try a quick google search. Knife crime at record levels, do you think these crimes are being carried out by us 'silver surfers' or perhaps more likely teens and 20 somethings? God forbid if someone pulls a knife on you in the street but good luck trying to reason with them.

 

[patricks148]

I think you have kinda shot yourself in the foot with the highlighted bit. Us 'older generation' that were smacked as kids generally have better manners, more respect and a better 'moral compass' than the younger kids of today who have grown up in a society of less smacking and more 'lets discuss your bad behaviour' syndrome.

i don't usually agree with you, but in this instance.. do totally. the behavior of the younger generations appalls me at times

 

[Deleted member 16999]

There is plenty of evidence, just try a quick google search. Knife crime at record levels, do you think these crimes are being carried out by us 'silver surfers' or perhaps more likely teens and 20 somethings? God forbid if someone pulls a knife on you in the street but good luck trying to reason with them.

I like you, believe society has gone downhill, but aren’t the younger generations our children and grandchildren?
Therefore, is it us who have failed them if our parents got it right with us?

 

[patricks148]

I like you, believe society has gone downhill, but aren’t the younger generations our children and grandchildren?
Therefore, is it us who have failed them if our parents got it right with us?

all you lot who won't smack your kids

 

[Reemul]

Smacking is crap and does not work. I was smacked for stuff, I accidentally smashed a window, smacked, answered back, smacked etc etc. I was never an overly rude or unruly child, now my brother was and he never got smacked.

We both grew up to be well adjusted adults. I still look back annoyed etc that I got smacked for stuff that in no way deserved it. There is no way I would ever smack my kids let alone for the reasons why my dad did to me. The reason I got smacked wasn't because I did wrong but because my dad was angry and it made him feel better.

My Boys are 11 and 8, never been smacked and are ace kids, behave well, work and play well. It's the bringing them up that is hard, not the smacking them.

I always wonder why when my wife does something wrong I don't just smack her, you know make her realise she did wrong and smack her ensuring she wont do it again, i mean it's the same thing isn't it, why stop at kids.

People say I was smacked and back in the day kids were better behaved, this may be true you can't attribute the smacking to the better behaviour more than likely having a parent at home most of the time really helped and just maybe better parenting occurred then than now.

 

[Reemul]

There are lots of reasons why we have the issues we have to day, anyone that thinks it down to not smacking kids enough, needs taking outside and giving a good smacking for being so stupid....

 

[Deleted member 18121]

I always wonder why when my wife does something wrong I don't just smack her, you know make her realise she did wrong and smack her ensuring she wont do it again, i mean it's the same thing isn't it, why stop at kids.

👍👍👍 Well said.

I honestly don't think this discussion will ever change someone's opinions on smacking, but as long as it makes you think that maybe there is another means to deal with a situation then hopefully it serves a purpose.

 

[Fish]

I remember being curled up in a ball whilst being striped with a belt!

Did it stop me misbehaving or make me think any different as a kid, no!

Did it create any platform or foundation to make me think differently, no!

Did it result in me no longer staying in touch and effectively going it alone ASAP, he’ll yeah.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Flippin Eck. My posts usually last about four comments.
Found D4S comments interesting, in essence kids are worse at school now, than when we were kids. But as has been mentioned the cane was a deterrent in the olden days.
Me and Missis T were approved for adoption and in our last meeting I mentioned I had smacked my son. They picked up on it and said " sorry we cannot let you adopt, you might have a child placed in you care who has been physically abused" Missis T said " no problems you can shove your adoption". She also pointed out we could have a child that has been sexually assaulted and that assault started with a cuddle, something we give our kids every night. Are we to now stop cuddling our kids when they go to bed at night.
I don't think there is a fine line between a smack and physical violence. Ironically the birth mother of adopted daughter then sent a letter with 20 questions one of which said " do you smack you children". Let me tell you if she had been in that room when I read it, there would of been violence. With the injuries her daughter suffered before she was taken into care. She had some balls to ask that question.
I mentioned smacking to Missis T, she recalled an incident in Tycross Zoo years ago. A mother chimpanzee was trying to settle its baby chimp in its straw bed. The baby was proper playing up wanting to play. Mother gave it a clout on its backside. Baby squealed and me and Missis Ts jaws just hit the floor. It was astonishing to see. But it worked .
Re policing it indoors, cannot see how you can, but said woman on telly when asked " if you see a child in a supermarket get a smack for being naughty, what would you do if the law has banned smacking". She said " I would ask the parent, can I help you". Am sure that would help.

And so you shouldnt be able to adopt - sorry but you told them you raise your hand to a child - no sane adoption agency is ever going to let you adopt after saying that.

 

[Tashyboy]

And so you shouldnt be able to adopt - sorry but you told them you raise your hand to a child - no sane adoption agency is ever going to let you adopt after saying that.

Because? And seeing as it was a council adoption service they thought otherwise.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Because? And seeing as it was a council adoption service they thought otherwise.

Because ? Why do you think ?

 

[TheDiablo]

There is plenty of evidence, just try a quick google search. Knife crime at record levels, do you think these crimes are being carried out by us 'silver surfers' or perhaps more likely teens and 20 somethings? God forbid if someone pulls a knife on you in the street but good luck trying to reason with them.

You know there is proven links between violence towards children and those children growing up to commit violent crime?

Have you got any more feet left to shoot?!

 

[Tashyboy]

Because ? Why do you think ?

Because that's your opinion, but the experts at the time thought otherwise. As stated which you must of read, we told the adoption agency that if we were not allowed to smack our children ( should we feel the need) then we were more than happy to walk away.
Phil you have had children for a year, I am talking about 20 years ago. The daughter I adopted had, burns on her body, brain shaking and a fractured knee within two weeks of being born. There is a differance between that and a potential smack.