Serious question.

[haplesshacker]

I'm in a bit of turmoil at the moment.

And I'm interested in how others have coped. But please pm me if you'd prefer not to air it openly on the forum.

Are there any separated / divorced fathers on here, that had young children when the split happened? The chances are that the kids will stay with the wife, which means that I won't see them that much. This is what's the hardest part. How did any of you cope, because I'm in knots about it at the moment.

It's very early days yet, but the signs for us aren't looking good, but I swear the kids are the only thing keeping us together.

Just interested in how you coped.

 

[Aztecs27]

I can't offer any advice, but just wanted to wish you all the best mate.

Hope things work out ok.

 

[Oddsocks]

Hapless, see pm.

 

[Evesdad]

Pm sent

 

[Losttheplot]

Hope all turns out ok Hapless. All the best.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Can't give you any advice other than I hope it works out to some degree for you. Whatever else, they will never forget you are their dad.

 

[haplesshacker]

Thanks to everyone that has left a message here, but more importantly to those that have pm'd me. Your messages are all things that have been running through my mind.

As always, there are a lot of other things going on in these things, particularly with the circumstances with the move that I've eluded to before. And no, I've not been a naughty boy! But I've been out for most of tonight sat on a hill thinking, and perhaps other presures are causing issues, which I won't go into now.

I don't know any of you really, just in this little cyber community. But somehow and in someway it's helped.

Thanks.

 

[ademac]

Hi Hapless,
I hope things work out well for you!
I will briefly tell you my story and in the open.
I split with my ex when my son was 6 months old, he is now 2 and1/2. Quite a few times in the two years we have been apart many issues/arguments have come up, such as, custody,csa payments, times that I may have my son etc. Although when these arguments have occured they have been really difficult to deal with they have never been harder to deal with than the thoughts I have concerning me and my sons relationship.
Obviously he is still very young but sometimes I cant help thinking that he will grow up with a different father and I will be forgotten about and tbh I have on lots of ocassions just gone somewhere on my own and just cried!
However as it is in my case I have my son 3 days a week and allways push to have him more! I also have found out a lot of information on court proceedings sometimes it seems the only way!
Sorry if I have rambled on a bit! !
Anyhow I guess I want to say that in my opinion, if you are a good father and put the effort in then NOBODY can replace you!
If this helps at all or if you would like to speak or even go for a round of golf together to talk then please dont hesitate to pm me!
If it hasnt helped at all I am sorry and wish you all the best, keep your chin up mate,
All the best,
Ade

 

[19thagain]

I don't see this area being addressed on here BUT relationships do create BIG problems, or so they seem at the time. Money or lack of, embracing each others different ways or just feeling the loss of identity, the I changed to we .. can all dictate large changes in partners.

The retention of the unit can end up wonderful for all concerned and is a price worth fighting for .. that is the internal fight as well as the external one.

Only you know how far down the 'bad' road your relationship has gone and what is required to steer it back on course BUT pride is a horrible thing and if this is, in any way, a contributory factor, boot it into touch!

All the best!

 

[GB72]

I note that you mention other pressures possibly causing issues. I will not pry in to what they may be but I can tell you that suffering alone is not the way forward. As we are in the spirit of being open here I am happy to let you know of my experience. I am a typical unreconstucted male. The only time you will see me at a doctors is when I am gushing blood. Anyway, work, finances the full works had been getting to me for ages, years if I am honest and all of that was having a real impact on my marriage to the extent that I thought it was all over on a couple of occasions. In a bit of a last ditch effort I went to the doctor and have been in counselling for the last couple of months. It helps. It has made me take a good look at myself, what I think, what I assume and how I react and slowly but surely it is helping me change. My relationship with my wife is improving as is my mood and my enjoyment of life. A few months ago I would have dismissed counselling as new age crap but I can honestly say that it is doing me some good. I am eternally greatful for my doctor refusing to let me go down the medication route and pushing me to do something to change my life as opposed to masking the symptoms.

Not sure if I am totally off message here but if not, give it a go.

 

[vig]

Graham

I don't want to scramble your head further but would endorse what Greg said about counselling.
Always thought it was gosh.
Was sent to anger management counsellor 4 years ago and it was a revelation.
Worth a try but if you choose not to, I hope it all works out for all of you.