I rang Babestation the other night and the women said "Hi sexy, what can I do for you?"
I said "Hide, my wife's coming and I can't find the remote!"
I said "Hide, my wife's coming and I can't find the remote!"
Funny Stuff
- Thread starter Fish
- Start date
MKDave
Challenge Tour Pro
What's green and smells of bacon?!
Kermits finger
Kermits finger
jgozza
Assistant Pro
Why does a squirrel swim on its back??
To keep his nuts dry
To keep his nuts dry
DappaDonDave
Journeyman Pro
How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
JustOne
Ryder Cup Winner
My wife told me to pack and leave the other day. As I was walking out the door she said...
"I hope you die a long and painful death"
Typical I thought... now she wants me to stay!
"I hope you die a long and painful death"
Typical I thought... now she wants me to stay!
Like it JO.
Chuzzlewit
Assistant Pro
How do you confuse an idiot?
Purple.
My boss text me the other day, asking me to send him a joke. I replied "I can't right now, I'm really busy", he replied "that's great, send me another"....
Purple.
My boss text me the other day, asking me to send him a joke. I replied "I can't right now, I'm really busy", he replied "that's great, send me another"....
Phil2511
Global Moderator
The makers of GoalRef and Hawk-Eye goal-line technology have told Rangers they can't use the system next season.Apparently it doesn't work with goal posts made from jumpers.
I said to my girlfriend, "Please get me a newspaper.""Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."That spider never knew what hit it.
I said to my girlfriend, "Please get me a newspaper.""Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."That spider never knew what hit it.
Paul_Stewart
Tour Rookie
I used to be Captain Ahab's harpoon boy. Until my head went blunt.
My wife wanted to see Jeremy Kyle live for her birthday, so I got her sister pregnant, did her mum as well and now she's on next week!
GreiginFife
Money List Winner
My wife's been missing for a week now.
The police have told me to prepare for the worst...
So I went down the charity shop and got her clothes back!
The police have told me to prepare for the worst...
So I went down the charity shop and got her clothes back!
Doon frae Troon
Ryder Cup Winner
Sister,Sister they have found a case of syphalis in the convent.
That's good, I was getting a bit fed up of the Cotes du Rhone.
That's good, I was getting a bit fed up of the Cotes du Rhone.
Whereditgo
Journeyman Pro
I've been banned from the pool at my gym. I was having a pee in the deep end but the lifeguard must have noticed ........he blew his whistle that loud I almost fell in!
Went into the bakers shop and asked for 2 wasps please.
We don't sell wasps said the sharp assistant!
Yes you do I said, you've 2 in the window!
Boom boom.
We don't sell wasps said the sharp assistant!
Yes you do I said, you've 2 in the window!
Boom boom.
GreiginFife
Money List Winner
Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had been overly-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they popped into the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and didnot want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her bum that said......
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.' "
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had been overly-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they popped into the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and didnot want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her bum that said......
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.' "
Mattyboy
Tour Rookie
Got thrown out of the swimming pool the other week cause the 's' had fallen off of my trunks..........
williamalex1
Money List Winner
the misses left a note on the telly for me 'it's not working i'm leaving. i plugged it in turned it on, and there's f/ all wrong with it.:whoo:
Paul_Stewart
Tour Rookie
Two O2 mobile phones got married. The ceremony was lovely but the reception was *****.
Sponge1980
Challenge Tour Pro
What do call a man on a motorbike wearing a suit of armour?
Medieval Kinevel.
Medieval Kinevel.
Sponge1980
Challenge Tour Pro
A man walks into a bakers and asks the baker how much his cakes cost.
"They're all £2, except for the one in the window its £10" says the baker.
"Why does that one cost more?" asks the man.
"Because that's maderia cake" replies the baker.
"They're all £2, except for the one in the window its £10" says the baker.
"Why does that one cost more?" asks the man.
"Because that's maderia cake" replies the baker.
