pigmeister
Assistant Pro
The kitchen looked like a bomb site. Club`s, gloves, shoes and various bits of golfing paraphernalier were attempting to dry in the kitchen. My bag had been hosed down to get rid of the mud, various water plants and anything i had dregded up off the bottom of the stream. The powercaddy that had been dunked but had bravly got my clubs from the incident back to the car had been lovingly wiped down and put in the shed for the night. I attempted to charge the skycaddy, but to no avail. After pushing various buttons and a few expletives hurld at it, it still refused to cooperate. Totally buggered!
The alarm went at 7, damn, the swine flu I was hoping for had not materialised. Two bacon rolls and a shower later i had loaded the car with my other bag, clubs, shoes and powercaddy.
I pulled into the car park, yes, a space.
Is`nt it funny how you don`t see certain people for ages then all off a sudden they crawl out of the woodwork. "Hello, been fishing lately", "did you catch anything", "got your speados on today just incase". Oh how i laughed. Walked to the pro shop trying not to make eye contact, quick through the door. "Hello flipper".
Back at the car the bag and clubs were made ready, shoes on, powercaddy erected, battery on. Yes, a flashing light, i love you. Right lets get to the 9th tee(texas scramble). Nothing. Press the button again. Nothing. Press the button harder. Nothing. You are f****** kidding me. Panic. Off in ten minutes. Rush into the pro shop, "Shags, lend me your trolly". When he had finished laughing he handed me the handle to one of those trollies that your bag always fall off of. Cheers mate.
Powercaddy loving put in the boot i was off across the car park smiling and nodding politly at various comments that were shouted at me. Made the 9th with minutes to spare. A couple of practice swings and whack, split the fairway. My drive was selected(unfortunatly i cannot tell you how far it went, well you know why). We engaged in small talk walking up to the green. "I surpose you heard what happened yesterday", "no, what was that then, Captain Birdeye". Snigger. B*****ds.
We finished with a gross 58, minus 3.1 h`cap allowance, net 54.9. Thats surely got to be good enough! We finished second. Bugger again. A great day, lovely weather and lots of p*** taking. Wonderful. It a good job i can take it!
We have a monthly magazine at John O`Gaunt. Its a glossy mag with 11 pages and has captains page, course managers page, juniors course diary etc. I was ask if i would like to do a crime watch style reconstruction of the events of the preivious day. Only this time ,as there was no camera phone present, all the original parties would play themselves, a camera crew, stunt men and inflatable dingy would be provided free of charge. A lifeguard would be made available, but would be billed to my account in the pro shop. The second word was OFF.
The alarm went at 7, damn, the swine flu I was hoping for had not materialised. Two bacon rolls and a shower later i had loaded the car with my other bag, clubs, shoes and powercaddy.
I pulled into the car park, yes, a space.
Is`nt it funny how you don`t see certain people for ages then all off a sudden they crawl out of the woodwork. "Hello, been fishing lately", "did you catch anything", "got your speados on today just incase". Oh how i laughed. Walked to the pro shop trying not to make eye contact, quick through the door. "Hello flipper".
Back at the car the bag and clubs were made ready, shoes on, powercaddy erected, battery on. Yes, a flashing light, i love you. Right lets get to the 9th tee(texas scramble). Nothing. Press the button again. Nothing. Press the button harder. Nothing. You are f****** kidding me. Panic. Off in ten minutes. Rush into the pro shop, "Shags, lend me your trolly". When he had finished laughing he handed me the handle to one of those trollies that your bag always fall off of. Cheers mate.
Powercaddy loving put in the boot i was off across the car park smiling and nodding politly at various comments that were shouted at me. Made the 9th with minutes to spare. A couple of practice swings and whack, split the fairway. My drive was selected(unfortunatly i cannot tell you how far it went, well you know why). We engaged in small talk walking up to the green. "I surpose you heard what happened yesterday", "no, what was that then, Captain Birdeye". Snigger. B*****ds.
We finished with a gross 58, minus 3.1 h`cap allowance, net 54.9. Thats surely got to be good enough! We finished second. Bugger again. A great day, lovely weather and lots of p*** taking. Wonderful. It a good job i can take it!
We have a monthly magazine at John O`Gaunt. Its a glossy mag with 11 pages and has captains page, course managers page, juniors course diary etc. I was ask if i would like to do a crime watch style reconstruction of the events of the preivious day. Only this time ,as there was no camera phone present, all the original parties would play themselves, a camera crew, stunt men and inflatable dingy would be provided free of charge. A lifeguard would be made available, but would be billed to my account in the pro shop. The second word was OFF.
