Declining a Wedding Invitation

[Deleted member 21784]

The first time I was invited to a non Sikh wedding and there was little poem at the bottom asking for cash instead of gifts I was blown away. I couldn't believe what I was reading, just wasn't used to seeing something like that. I of course was going to take a gift but was just shocked to be asked for one.

We put in a poem about cash,

We had lived together for a year before getting married (old days never happened) which meant we had everything we needed pots, pans etc

So put in a poem and said we were using the cash towards our honeymoon

Apparently my Nan thought was lovely ? so that was enough for me

 

[Voyager EMH]

I did that with my brothers latest wedding hes just started talking to us again sadly

We waited until both my brothers would be out of the country at the same time, then got married at short notice. "Oh what a shame, you'll be away, never mind."

 

[Bazz]

We put in a poem about cash,

We had lived together for a year before getting married (old days never happened) which meant we had everything we needed pots, pans etc

So put in a poem and said we were using the cash towards our honeymoon

Apparently my Nan thought was lovely ? so that was enough for me

Better than getting three sandwich makers mate.

 

[Tashyboy]

Better than getting three sandwich makers mate.

Fancy swopping a butty maker for a pressure cooker ?

 

[Crazyface]

Had an invite to a wedding a very good friends son. We have not seen him for over 8 years’ and we declined the christening of his only child 5 years‘ago.

We do not want to go for the following reasons:
1. It is a round trip of 6 hours and not averse to an overnight stay, see below.
2 . It is on a Saturday which is a Comp Day. My Mrs does not really want to go although the father and mother of the groom are friends of us both.
3 . We will have been away to Scotland for 10 nights the month before.
4. We will have had a weekend away golfing the week before the wedding.

Need to think up a good excuse and consider sending a cheque.

Any thoughts on a good excuse and reasonable amount of cheque. I have a figure in mind.

Not going to help you here, I'd go no question. I'm old enough now to see that these things aren't going to come around too often anymore. A wedding is a great thing to dress up in your finest gear and have a bit of a social. I'd make it a three / four day thing. Golf on the way up two day stay over and golf on the way back. Maybe a stop over on the way back. No holidays abroad this year, so use it as a nice big break.

 

[Crazyface]

The first time I was invited to a non Sikh wedding and there was little poem at the bottom asking for cash instead of gifts I was blown away. I couldn't believe what I was reading, just wasn't used to seeing something like that. I of course was going to take a gift but was just shocked to be asked for one.

Stick a quid to the card and pop it in the pile when you get there. It'll have them thinking about it for years.
NB DO NOT SIGN THE CARD !!!!

 

[Bazz]

Stick a quid to the card and pop it in the pile when you get there. It'll have them thinking about it for years.
NB DO NOT SIGN THE CARD !!!!

Thats reminded me about one card we had at our wedding. Signed "the *our family* name family."

Half the guests there had that name

 

[IanM]

If you cannot be bothered to drive there and miss a comp, maybe these folk are not "vey big friends" at all.. therefore not going isn't really an issue.

Equally, they'll probably be glad of saving the cost of feeding another couple.

 

[Orikoru]

We put in a poem about cash,

We had lived together for a year before getting married (old days never happened) which meant we had everything we needed pots, pans etc

So put in a poem and said we were using the cash towards our honeymoon

Apparently my Nan thought was lovely ? so that was enough for me

Similar for us as well. Not much point having two toasters, three crockery sets, eight bottles of wine etc. and you can't afford a honeymoon. In fairness you give your guests a nice meal and free bar for several hours, not unreasonable to say we'd prefer cash to a physical gift - the amount is entirely up to them, even if they only give a tenner.

On the topic - surely you just say "Apologies, but we're unable to make it. Have a great day." Danger of overthinking it I think...

 

[Robster59]

When my daughter got married, nobody from my side of the family attended apart from my cousin. Not because they'd fallen out but due to illness, old age or the distance to travel. I was disappointed for my daughter but thankfully she understood. It happens, not everyone can make these things. They have to expect some fallout.

 

[Deleted member 29109]

When my daughter got married, nobody from my side of the family attended apart from my cousin. Not because they'd fallen out but due to illness, old age or the distance to travel. I was disappointed for my daughter but thankfully she understood. It happens, not everyone can make these things. They have to expect some fallout.

When we got married, we had our fingers crossed half of my side wouldn't be able to make it.

Some of them make the characters from Shameless look like Hyacinth Bucket.

 

[GB72]

I think that there is a massive pressure on the bride and groom to invite friends of the parents and so it soon stops being their day and all about the extended family and their friends. I would have no hesitation in declining an invite for children of friends as I suspect it it more of a courtesy than a desire to actually have me at the event. If I feel that there is a genuine desire for the bridge and groom to be there to celebrate their day then i will move mountains to be there but if I feel that I am there as a courtesy or tradition then I would rather decline.

I generally decline evening invites as I hate going to the evening do, turning up halfway through a party and feeling like the odd one out.

 

[Deleted member 21784]

I think that there is a massive pressure on the bride and groom to invite friends of the parents and so it soon stops being their day and all about the extended family and their friends. I would have no hesitation in declining an invite for children of friends as I suspect it it more of a courtesy than a desire to actually have me at the event. If I feel that there is a genuine desire for the bridge and groom to be there to celebrate their day then i will move mountains to be there but if I feel that I am there as a courtesy or tradition then I would rather decline.

I generally decline evening invites as I hate going to the evening do, turning up halfway through a party and feeling like the odd one out.

So true about "having" to invite people

We had limited space at the venue .. think was 80 guests max? Can't remember

Anyways after family we didn't have many invites left!

So we had made all this effort to invite all for example my wife's family (including her cousins)

Since our wedding (5 years this summer) we saw some of her cousins for the first time this Wednesday at her nans funeral! But you "have" to invite them why? What they gonna do... Not come visit lol

 

[hovis]

We put in a poem about cash,

We had lived together for a year before getting married (old days never happened) which meant we had everything we needed pots, pans etc

So put in a poem and said we were using the cash towards our honeymoon

Apparently my Nan thought was lovely ? so that was enough for me

Man them poems are sooooooo cringe worthy. It makes me laugh how putting it in a poem makes people think asking for money not crap presents acceptable! ?

 

[Deleted member 21784]

Man them poems are sooooooo cringe worthy. It makes me laugh how putting it in a poem makes people think asking for money not crap presents acceptable! ?

It sounded nicer than "oi put some cash in this card you cheap bugger or you are off the list"

 

[davidy233]

My son got married last month - when they initially booked it the limit for a wedding was five - including them and the officiant, and you weren't meant to to travel without a good reason. Idea was that the two mums would be witnesses - which made up the five and that I'd do the photos afterwards with the bride's dad as my assistant.

As it was it got relaxed to 50 guests (only about 15-20 would have actually been able to attend the ceremony) but they decided that they would stick to mums and dads, brother and sister and their families - ended up 11 of us at ceremony and for (non-alchohol) meal afterwards it was probably most enjoyable wedding I've ever been to.

 

[Crow]

It sounded nicer than "oi put some cash in this card you cheap bugger or you are off the list"

Nothing wrong with being honest.