Comical put downs from your partners

[alldownhill]

My mate always winds me up with a few....

When we are waiting for the group infront....... 'you can go, they are on the green/ fairway.'

After a good shot........'what went wrong!'

After a put that rolls past the hole............'choooo chooooo.'

Its all good fun though and he gets more than i recieve!

 

[Crow]

After a horror shot from the tee; "Well out"

 

[barrybridges]

My favourite is reserved for a friend of mine who is - quite simply - a shocking golfer. Every time he's in the trees we always tell him he should have taken out a National Trust membership.

 

[Hobbit]

Following a poor drive, "at least your short game is improving."
A topped drive, "running like a sailor's d#ck."
A putt hit too firm, "it was close............. briefly."

 

[harvey4banger]

Put past the hole "TAXI"

Or my favourite, "You've got some *** on your club" when they check the head "no the other end" gets em everytime

 

[FairwayDodger]

Better to be lucky than good.

 

[Airlie_Andy]

If you hit one really fat and take a huge divot....

"I've seen shallower graves than that!"

 

[Sponge1980]

Ah one more that the guys in my sweep say when im short of the green with my second (that drives me mental)
'Do you want me to hold your handbag next time you hit to the green nancy'

We have a similar one for a putt that comes up short, its "What size blouse would you like?"

 

[Sponge1980]

although i started the thread reminnded me of the story of the american standing on the first tee at St Andrews, puts one to the right and OB, in America we call that a Mulligan he says to the wee scots caddie, "what do you guys call it"

" 3 aff the tee" was his reply

I really hope thats a true story :rofl:

Another good caddy story is about a guy who is hacking the ball over the places and asks his caddy "What do you think of my game?" The caddy replies, "It's not bad but I prefer golf"

 

[seochris]

"Wooah.......and they say you can't bend these modern golf balls!"

 

[eltub1]

When someone leaves it short of the green with a short iron... "if you cant get there with an iron use a wood!!"

 

[GreiginFife]

If you hit one really fat and take a huge divot....

"I've seen shallower graves than that!"

Or similar with a huge divot, "you can take that home and use it as a rug"...

 

[GOLFBALL_WHACKER_GUY]

Whenever me or my regular playing partner duff a drive or fairway shot, we always say 'your head came up'. Or 'your hooding it'

 

[Piece]

Long, raking putt edges to the hole, looks like its going close...limbs starts to twitch in anticipation.....

"Oh, you've got an Elvis leg going on there.."

 

[Slime]

A Bon Jovi = A putt that's only "Half Way There"

A Glenn Miller - Kept low and didn't make it over the water

A Russell Grant - A fat iron

A Rodney King - Over-clubbed

A Bleeding live seal – Under clubbed.

A Michael Jackson - Gradually fading.

A Ken Livingstone - Quite far left.

A Jean-Marie Le Pen - A long way right.

An Arsene Wenger - Everyone saw where it went but you.

A Shaun Wright-Phillips - Chose the wrong club.

And my own personal favourite,





A Lynx Anti Deodorant - A shot that opens up the hole


Slime.

 

[Rob McBride]

when spending 2 minutes looking for a 1.6pence tee after driving - 'someone will hand it in to the pro shop'

After a duff off the tee - 'youve dropped yer lipstick' or 'theres something on your shoe', (when they crane the neck and look), no the other one - hello sailor!

 

[Tignanello97]

A rock Hudson ....a drive that starts off down the middle looking good but ends up bent

 

[DappaDonDave]

Whitney Houston - Starts off good but ends in the water

Too soon?

 

[grumpyjock]

"Your problem is you're standing too close to the ball..... after your shot"

And of course, "still yours I believe" after their putt is still further away than yours.

The classics are the best - I always like to use the Sally Gunnell one as well

Dead sheep always gets them!

 

[19thagain]

Another good caddy story is about a guy who is hacking the ball over the places and asks his caddy "What do you think of my game?" The caddy replies, "It's not bad but I prefer golf"

I suppose we could have thread about caddie stories.

However, a Yank was over here for a weeks golf and it rain all the time. He had pre-booked, so wanting to get his moneys worth was out every day dragging his poor caddie with him.

On the final day slogging his Scotch from his hip flask and getting increasingly annoyed, he asked his caddy " Is there any dry spots on this God-dammed golf course?"

"You could always try the back of my throat!" answered Big Donald.