All I DONT want for christmas is.........

[medwayjon]

The season of goodwill is upon us shortly and I wait in fear for what golf related goodies I find under my tree.

So if anybody who knows and loves me is spying here for hints of what to get me, here is my definitive don't do it list!

Maxfli noodle ice balls - THE multicoloured choice for the homosexual golfer in your house.

Crown Tees - how any tee is worth this sum of money is beyond reason.

A range carrier - If I wanted to look like a social lepper I would wear a Steve Mclaren mask! (no offence intended to those with these)

ANY novelty headcover - I hate these things, even more than the dreaded s-word! Why? just why? does anybody want to have scooby-effing-doo hanging 6ft in the air out of their bag with a 3-wood up his @rse?

Anything that is advertised on the golf channel - I really DO NOT want a K1-speed driver (my wife was contemplating this ) if one is purchased for me I reserve the right to use it as a surgical tool for the purchaser.

Shite balls - Donnays/top-flites/pinnacles etc ARE NOT precision engineered for this that and the other. They make range-balls look like NXT's (hint hint) so avoid at all costs. £3.99 a dozen gives you a clue doesn't it.

Worlds best golfer junk - Because I am not & never will be as long as I may try. Perhaps you can get me a "worlds greatest booming straight drive followed by a duffed iron, chip and 3-putt for double bogey" t-shirt as this would be far more realistic!

And finally......................

ANY, and I mean ANY, Golf clubs - The wife has already threatened me with the turd (K1) and after seeing my pals wife try to swap his Titleist Red-X for an argos Onyx snide 2-ball odyssey last year I am truly petrified of what horrors may be lurking.

Hope all you other guys stay lucky this festive season, dodging duff presents is a rewarding as dodging a deep bunker!

Jon.

 

[par_par_par_treble]

i think you need to add crappy clothes to the list - they will expect to see you in them too!

 

[madandra]

My mum got me a pair of DUNLOP golf shoes last year. I honestly think they were made by Tupperware but with the Dunny logo on them, so please DON'T try and be imaginitive. To quote a modern day preacher

JUST GIVE US THE F****N MONEY

So to anyone out there trying to impress a golfer with a natty pressy, don't buy 3 for £10 golf gloves that would fit the Yeti after half a round nor splash out on a 'digital pedometer with integrated scorecard' or even one of those completely useless putting mats and finally only get us a putting hole with automatic ball return if you are sure your doctor will be able to remove it from your poop chute without causing lasting damage.

 

[brendy]

Ive got a Sergio head cover, the black/dark brown bull with a metal ring through its nose, its a very good quality item but what sends me to the fair is the cheap chinese/where ever knock off ones that have a 2 inch shaft protector...on a driver, whats that all about?
The jury is still out on iron neoprene covers, you swing at a ball making contact with soil, soil contains stones and grit, stones and grit marks club soles yet some people still insist on protecting the backs of the clubs from tiny dinks. Clubs are for hitting, if looks were most important, who would ever have used ping eye 2's etc in the first place!

 

[RGuk]

mwj......you da man!

I don't want any dodgy stuff and my f&f know the kind of reception they'll get to any novelty items.

I have designed a tee that everyone should buy for their loved ones. Its essentially an air hose arrangement that you attach to the battery of your powered trolley. The air stream out of the top (of a special tee) "balances" the ball in a current of air thereby eliminating any friction...which we all know is a killer (that is why all tour players employ voodoo techniques to levitate their Pro V before every drive.)

The cost....a snip at £149.99.

If this is too much.....can I suggest a nice Ashworth shirt or a voucher for your local pro shop.

Dave

 

[medwayjon]

Clubs are for hitting, if looks were most important, who would ever have used ping eye 2's etc in the first place!

Here bloody here, I see people lovingly polishing their irons after every shot. If you don't want to hurt them dont use them, just put them in the corner of the room and w@nk over them to your hearts content!!!

There is a difference bewtween looking after your equipment and being anal about it!

 

[medwayjon]

mwj......you da man!

Is this the start of a fan-club? lol

 

[RGuk]

Could be....
I hear you were being sought after by Travis Perkins to get his driving up to 320 next season.
Shall I pass on your details?



Keep posting mwj....you're keeping me sane. (That's quite something, there's no chance of any real golf around here a.t.m. 30 mph winds and very wet indeed).

Dave

 

[medwayjon]

No chance of golf here either! I'm sat in my office knowing that there is more chance of me turning into Ian Poulter than there is me selling a motor today!!!

On the plus side went to the range this morning and shall do the same on my way home. btw, they got broke into again last night, nothing nicked though.

 

[FLOPSHOT]

What jons trying to say is He loves Donnay titanium Ultimate tour accurate staight lowspin highspin balls. But he'd rather get a set of slazenger bald eagles cos there his favourite.!!!

And if he doesnt get the new Shrek Head Cover for his Baffler Hes gonna kick and scream like a stock broker when the market crashes!!!

Have you checked your wifes hand bag jon, im sure i saw the receipt for them F A S T Irons. along with your free JJB million pound gift voucher and Tony Jacklin signed autograph.
Further to that i noticed a load of cobra gear going dirt cheap on ebay. Seller was form chatham.

Oh and i like the new car sales sign at the end of the road very nice . Wont be long till theres a davis estate massive logo graphed up it

HAHAHAHA

I went to the range today i was expecting to see 2 passats in the car park but there was only one which you sold to that poor bloke in the pro shop!!

 

[medwayjon]

You must have missed me, I was there early today!

The signs are grand, been there 2 years now, the kids won't touch them as we get on great with the little yobs!

BTW - Steve was a lucky, lucky man getting my car, I still miss the bloody thing, very rare those VR5's and fast. Got a man coming to see my diesel one tomorrow, if that goes I have a Cossie lined up if it is still available!!!

 

[FLOPSHOT]

I see that silver passat for 6500 i drove by on my way home if i new you was in i would of come in and tried flogging you my van

 

[medwayjon]

and finally only get us a putting hole with automatic ball return if you are sure your doctor will be able to remove it from your poop chute without causing lasting damage.

The little lady got me one of those on my birthday, she isn't walking funny..........yet!

 

[madandra]

We should retaliate with getting Poundland pishy perfume and make up. Could you imagine the response we would get if they opened their Xmas presents to find no expense spent slap and spray. Eff it, if I get any sh1t3 for Xmas she is getting a new perfume .....




FABREEZE

 

[medwayjon]

She used to love the putting machine, always fart-arsing around with it on a perfectly flat carpet and saying "see, it cant be that hard"

However I gained my revenge when she came to the range and couldn't hit anything! Easy my arse!

 

[shanker]

The worst possible golf present must be a ''clicker''. I think you wear them round your wrist and click every time you hit a shot. Then when you hole out the ''clicker'' tells you if you've taken 9, 11, 13 or whatever. If I was that bad I'd take up bowls.

 

[FLOPSHOT]

Any body fancy the QLInk pendant???

http://www.qlinkgolf.com/Scripts/default.asp

 

[RGuk]

Don't knock the putt returning gadget.....I'm not allowed to have one, my dog steals the ball mid-roll (putt attempt), drops it in the thingy and then barks as it gets returned...he get's his kicks whilst driving eveyone mad. I tried him with sheep (he is a sheep dog after all), he seems to want to catch these too and drop 'em in his food bowl...

It's a strange world....

If I practice my posture in the mirror, he nips my heels....probably doesn't like my alignment.


Dave

 

[RGuk]

"I tried the Q-link pendant and within 5 days scored the all time record for eating big macs" Mark C (USA)
"I tried the Q-link, but t.b.h. I'm completely mad anyway" B K (USA)
"I'd like a Q-link, it might help me solve the mystery of m.w.j.s range break-in" Sherlock Holmes (GB)

"You are the weakest Q-link, goodbye" RGuk

Dave

 

[FLOPSHOT]

funny f@cka