Silly joke of the week

[backwoodsman]

Did you know.

That the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones? But the people of Abu Dhabi do !

Sorry if you heard it before, but I liked it...

 

[drawboy]

I raise your joke with this offering;
A man was getting comfy on the sofa when heavily pregnant wifey puts her head around the door and says " Darling, would you go to the late night deli and get me a portion of those snails I love, I have a real craving for some." Off he goes to the deli. As he is passing the pub in the highstreet with his wife's snails in hand he see's his mates out on the lash. "Ey up pal we ant seen you for ages" said one " come in for a quick pint and tell us whats been going on?" said another. Reluctantly he agrees to just a quick one. 8 pints later he's staggering up the stairs to the front door of his house, trolleyed. He trips on the last step sending the snails everywhere. Just then the door opens up and his furious wife say's " Where the bloody hell have you been till this time?" the bloke coolly turns to look down the steps and say's " C'mon lads where nearly there!"
I thank you.

 

[bigslice]

I raise your joke with this offering;
A man was getting comfy on the sofa when heavily pregnant wifey puts her head around the door and says " Darling, would you go to the late night deli and get me a portion of those snails I love, I have a real craving for some." Off he goes to the deli. As he is passing the pub in the highstreet with his wife's snails in hand he see's his mates out on the lash. "Ey up pal we ant seen you for ages" said one " come in for a quick pint and tell us whats been going on?" said another. Reluctantly he agrees to just a quick one. 8 pints later he's staggering up the stairs to the front door of his house, trolleyed. He trips on the last step sending the snails everywhere. Just then the door opens up and his furious wife say's " Where the bloody hell have you been till this time?" the bloke coolly turns to look down the steps and say's " C'mon lads where nearly there!"
I thank you.

quality

 

[drawboy]

Another silly one.
A man is crawling across the desert dying of thirst he goes over a sand dune and sees a market in the middle of the sand. He crawls towards it, thinking it is merely a mirage but when he gets to it it's a rel market. He crawls up to the first stall and croaks "Water,water" the Arab say's " Sorry my friend I only sell Jelly. The man crawls to the next stall and again pleads for water. The Arab tells him I only sell sponge fingers! At the next stall the stall holder tells the thirsty man he only has custard to offer. "What sort of market is this?" yells the man no one sells water. The stall holder says I know it's a trifle bazaar.
Drawboy, news at ten sober for a change!

 

[drawboy]

My mate has just been sacked from his job in a pet shop. They caught him with his hands in the Trill!
That's a cracker! it's the way I type 'em.

 

[Deanpp]

I raise your joke with this offering;
A man was getting comfy on the sofa when heavily pregnant wifey puts her head around the door and says " Darling, would you go to the late night deli and get me a portion of those snails I love, I have a real craving for some." Off he goes to the deli. As he is passing the pub in the highstreet with his wife's snails in hand he see's his mates out on the lash. "Ey up pal we ant seen you for ages" said one " come in for a quick pint and tell us whats been going on?" said another. Reluctantly he agrees to just a quick one. 8 pints later he's staggering up the stairs to the front door of his house, trolleyed. He trips on the last step sending the snails everywhere. Just then the door opens up and his furious wife say's " Where the bloody hell have you been till this time?" the bloke coolly turns to look down the steps and say's " C'mon lads where nearly there!"

.......classic







_____________________
Forza Inter
Forza Italy
cheap golf clubs

 

[slugger]

I lower the standard with this one...

Jonathan Ross has been arrested for nicking a kitchen utensil from Debenhams... In a press conference he said "It was a whisk i was prepared to take!"

 

[bigbiffa]

does anyone know what a donkey gets for his lunch?????
half an hour like everyone else!!!

 

[madandra]

Old guy on his death bed got w whiff of the most delicious home baking coming from the kitchen downstairs. He drags his butt out of bed and crawls down the stairs, he then gets to his feet and drags himself into the litchn where his wife is placing scones on the cooling tray.

He reaches out for one and ..
.
.
.
.
.
she slaps his hand and says "Hey, leave them, they are for your funeral".

 

[Basher]

Tim nice but dim still has a video recorder!
He finally finds a shop that sells porn videos.
He buys one and hurries off home.

On viewing the video he finds the picture all fuzzy and there's no sound.
Annoyed by this he phones the shop to complain.

The man at the shop says "I'm very sorry but we are having some trouble with some porn movies. May I ask what is the title of the movie you purchased?"

Tim replies "Head Cleaner"


Now where did I leave my coat????

 

[drawboy]

A man goes into a library and asks if they have any books on suicide. The girl behind the counter says "We used to have loads but no-one ever brings them back!"

 

[Spoff]

I went to that new zoo but it only had one animal - a dog. It was a shitzu.