other people's angst

[AliB]

Hi All
Had a poor round Saturday. Mainly because I'm still assimilating recent lessons (and probably need a couple more) so that doing a monthly Stableford was probably a mistake.
The other problem was (for me) my partner, a close friend who is going through a bad time off the course. She gets a bit emotional about her golf at the best of times (and yesterday was not the best of times!) I find it hard to cope with this kind of 'emotional interference' which I could probably block out from someone I didn't know so well.
What I need is a 'coping strategy' - how to block out what I think she is feeling and focus on my own shots.either that or just mentally write off any round we play together for the time being.
Any suggestions?
Good news is that today's unexpected good weather meant I could go out again and put in a round that was far from brilliant but at least better than yesterday.
Hope y'all had a good weekend.

AliB

 

[shanker]

Don't think you're going to get much help here, Ali. Most of the posters are men and, I may be wrong, it sounds as though your good friend's problems are to do with one of us. We ''machos'' would have none of this on the course.
If it's the case that your friend's problem is related to something else, then just tell her that one of the reasons we play is to get out there, forget everything else and enjoy it.

 

[OldWindy]

If it's the case that your friend's problem is related to something else, then just tell her that one of the reasons we play is to get out there, forget everything else and enjoy it.

Yup, deffo. Best advice possible.

 

[AliB]

Shanker
You're probably right. Her bad time involves husband being seriously ill. Not really a matter for the forum, but I felt a certain need to unburden. Some things, sadly, you can't do much about.

AliB

 

[shanker]

Shanker
You're probably right. Her bad time involves husband being seriously ill. Not really a matter for the forum, but I felt a certain need to unburden. Some things, sadly, you can't do much about.

AliB

Apologies Ali. In this case, you should be sympathetic, shouldn't you?

 

[Glenfish]

Isn't it that part of being a friend is being prepared to accept that you won't be able to concentrate on your round, maybe just donate the time to your friend, perhaps right off this round before you start. It will also take the 'golf' pressure off of your shoulders and bet you will hit some blinders???Also makes me prioritise any golfing problems as not being problems at all, compared to some real-life problems???!!!

 

[RGuk]

Ali, I think you should decide if YOU want to golf with her AND support her with a kind ear/friendly counselling. She obviously wants to talk and you feel obliged/honoured to listen. It might be best to find time to chat off the course so you can fulfill your place in her life without losing the "get-away-from-it-all" that most of us use golf for. I have a female friend who's always in a mess (a bit like the "love soup" girl on the tv). When we work together, I can't bear being distracted and we have come to an agreement on getting on with it. Out of that time, I listen to her the best I can. I don't think it's selfish to protect "your" time whether that is soaking in a candle-lit bath reading soppy girly novels, or taking a hobby seriously.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Its a difficult call. If your golf means that much that it is really causing you problems when she has these moments on course you may have to make a harsh decision about playing with her. If however your golf is about getting out into the fresh air for a few hours and not having to do Sainsbury's on a Saturday then try and ignore it as best you can but accept that it make occur and learn to live with it.

As for coping and blocking it out, it is tricky as you don't want to come over as cold and uncaring. The best advice I can offer is a trick using your glove. When you put the golve on you are in golf mode and when you take it off you are in relaxed mode.

As part of my routine, I put my bag down and assess my shot. Once I have decided what club to hit and take it out of my bag thats when I put my glove on. From there I picture what I am trying to do, go through my routine and play the shot. Once the shot is over, I take my glove off, clean my club and put it back in my bag. I'm now out of golf mode until I repeat the process on the next shot.

It may work or not but it is the only thing I can come up with

 

[AliB]

thanks guys
Think I was trying to separate out a general golf question (avoiding distraction) from a personal one, and failed to do so, so apologise for muddying the waters (not to mention coming across like a selfish ass!)
Given the choice, I'd probably have withdrawn my post but thanks for the advice.
DAve (realgoferuk) - you have pretty much hit the nail on the head.
Homer, yours is a good call in any distracting situation and will try to keep in mind with any partner.
Cheers

AliB