Has anyone seen my coat?

[bobmac]

Just before Christmas I enrolled in a 6 week origami course which was a mistake.
The teacher was rubbish and after 2 weeks the course..............???

 

[Blue in Munich]

Going vegan? That could be a missed steak....

 

[PIng]

Folded?

 

[PIng]

If you like that joke then you'll love the Tim Vine Appreciation group on Facebook.

 

[bobmac]

Me. Doctor, I think I'm a dog
Doctor. Ok, lie on the couch
Me. I'm not allowed on the furniture

 

[Pin-seeker]

Why is Mo Salah the only Liverpool player not to drink alcohol?



He's the designated diver...

 

[SatchFan]

What has 2 legs in the morning, 27 legs in the afternoon and 58 legs in the evening?

Someone who has decided to collect legs.

 

[SocketRocket]

I visited a Zoo
It only had one dog in it
It was a shih Tzu.

 

[ColchesterFC]

Security at my local convent is shocking.

No fence. Nun taken.

 

[williamalex1]

I visited a Zoo
It only had one dog in it
It was a shih Tzu.

There you go

 

[Slab]

I went to the bakers for a loaf of bread, the guy said brown or white?
I said it doesn't matter I've got my bike outside!

 

[Slab]

I went to B&Q for some paint, the fella said do you want matt or gloss?
I said don’t mess me about my house is on fire!

 

[Deleted member 18645]

What was Whitney Houston's preferred type of co-ordination exercise?

HAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDEEEEEEYYYYYYYEEEEEEE

 

[SocketRocket]

I went to B&Q for some paint, the fella said do you want matt or gloss?
I said don’t mess me about my house is on fire!

I went to the bakers for a loaf of bread, the guy said brown or white?
I said it doesn't matter I've got my bike outside!

Is it only me?

 

[SatchFan]

How to turn a normal sofa into a bed. Just forget the wife's birthday.

 

[jim8flog]

Nut screws washer and bolts.

Headline in the paper after an inmate in the asylum raped a lady in the laundry room and escaped.

 

[Deleted member 18645]

I once went to a concert in America that only cost me $0.45 to get in. It was 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

 

[Deleted member 18645]

I am reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.

 

[Deleted member 18645]

There is music coming out of my printer. It must be the paper jamming again.

 

[bobmac]

I booked a table to celebrate the girlfriend's birthday.
How was I supposed to know she didn't like snooker