Funerals

[howbow88]

My wife and I have stated that we won't have one, my FiL has come around to that way of thinking for himself as well.

It sounds silly but I never realised that not having a funeral was an option, until I read that David Bowie didn't have one.

The more I think about it, I reckon I'll go with this too. I don't generally like to make a fuss about things, so I'm not sure why I would need some sort of faux party to mark my passing.

 

[Lord Tyrion]

It sounds silly but I never realised that not having a funeral was an option, until I read that David Bowie didn't have one.

The more I think about it, I reckon I'll go with this too. I don't generally like to make a fuss about things, so I'm not sure why I would need some sort of faux party to mark my passing.

I've muttered about this for years but my wife kept saying 'you can't do that, you have to have one'. 'Why?' was my response and she could never quite answer. Social pressure is the real answer, it's Pavlov's dog at work.

A couple of years ago an old family friend of hers died and didn't have one. Game changer. A few months later, another person she vaguely knew died and they were the same. No stress, no worry, no tense build up. She agreed that's what we will do. There are firms out there that will still handle the basics, take the body, cremation etc but no fuss, no ceremony.

It's not for everyone but it's great to have the option now for those who don't want a funeral

 

[PhilTheFragger]

Funerals, along with weddings, baptisms, big birthdays etc are a time when distant family and friends can find a reason to get together.

A gathering of the clan is generally a good thing in my experience.

Oh “Don’t Fear The Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult is going to be played at mine ??

 

[Mel Smooth]

Hardest funeral I have ever been to was of a mates 5 day old son - you can't celebrate a life so short, and after the service in church a lot of us couldn't face the burial, there was not a dry eye in the church as his parents said their goodbyes - a very sad day, and I hope that is the only time I ever have to attend a funeral of someone so young.

 

[road2ruin]

My grandfather’s was last year, he had always insisted on bright colours and he picked the music for his own funeral so the crematorium was full of people in colourful shirts and dresses with a lot of non-funeral esque music. He’d travelled the world with the airforce and then after that through his various business endeavours and finally ran a pub on the south coast so there were plenty of characters from various walks of his life although as he was 101yrs when he died he’s outlived a lot of his military friends. The airforce sent a number of representatives as a mark of respect.

The wake was in a local pub and went on well into the night. Learnt a lot about him that I never knew before and it was as good a day as I could have imagined given the circumstances of why we were all there.

 

[Mel Smooth]

I've muttered about this for years but my wife kept saying 'you can't do that, you have to have one'. 'Why?' was my response and she could never quite answer. Social pressure is the real answer, it's Pavlov's dog at work.

A couple of years ago an old family friend of hers died and didn't have one. Game changer. A few months later, another person she vaguely knew died and they were the same. No stress, no worry, no tense build up. She agreed that's what we will do. There are firms out there that will still handle the basics, take the body, cremation etc but no fuss, no ceremony.

It's not for everyone but it's great to have the option now for those who don't want a funeral

My step daughter works for one such company.

Quite interesting to know that quite a lot of your body doesn't get burnt during the cremation - bones are actually ground down to form the ashes, and of course if you've got any metal joint replacements, they have to be picked out of the remnants - although I think having a titanium hip socket on the mantlepiece could be quite a humorous reminder of a loved one for some.

 

[Lord Tyrion]

My step daughter works for one such company.

Quite interesting to know that quite a lot of your body doesn't get burnt during the cremation - bones are actually ground down to form the ashes, and of course if you've got any metal joint replacements, they have to be picked out of the remnants - although I think having a titanium hip socket on the mantlepiece could be quite a humorous reminder of a loved one for some.

A pp of mine has a minor involvement in crematorium. The one that surprised me, although not when explained, was what was removed. You can't just burn anything in one, environmental reasons, so most momentos that relatives put in are quietly removed. He was amazed how many put phones in the coffins, one even put an electric toothbrush in ??. Batteries in a fire, what could go wrong ?

Well done to your step daughter, frankly to anyone who works in the funeral business. I couldn't work in that environment but someone needs to. Great that she is part of a different service for the likes of myself as well.

 

[nickjdavis]

One of my Ten Pin bowling colleagues (Dave) died a couple of years back. I'd known him and his wife for nearly 40 years, and he was bowling in the months leading up to his death that he knew was coming, He was 78. On the invite it stated that Dave's wishes was that he wanted his fiends and family to come to his funeral in more colourful clothing than the usual black. This was a super idea, as it made everyone more relaxed and in a great mood to celebrate his life. I've told my wife that's what I want at mine.

One of my work colleagues passed away in his 40's about 15 years ago. The same "colourful" clothing was requested of mourners. Unfortunately for some reason the message didn't reach any of his co-workers. Funeral was on a cold, sunny day in February and the contrast between the Hawaiian shirt clad family and friends, versus his work colleagues who all looked line extras from some sort of mafia movie (long dark overcoats, black ties, dark glasses) was found by all to be quite funny.

 

[Tashyboy]

Funerals, along with weddings, baptisms, big birthdays etc are a time when distant family and friends can find a reason to get together.

A gathering of the clan is generally a good thing in my experience.

Oh “Don’t Fear The Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult is going to be played at mine ??

This, but when I listen to some family members who come out with the “ oh we must get together soon under better circumstances “. It never happens.

 

[PhilTheFragger]

This, but when I listen to some family members who come out with the “ oh we must get together soon under better circumstances “. It never happens.

So make it happen, it’s easy to pick up the phone, had some great catch-ups ?

 

[Tashyboy]

So make it happen, it’s easy to pick up the phone, had some great catch-ups ?

Trouble is Phil, Ave had family do’s and folk don’t come, anniversaries birthdays, opportunities to to meet up under better circumstances they don’t come. Then the following day you see on Facebook what a great night they have had out with the lads. Oddly enough I bumped into my best man for me wedding decades ago. He had always said we will “catch up”. His new wife said
“ I will make sure he does”, we have had many a good night out over the last couple of years.

 

[howbow88]

Over the last 18 months, I have been to three and now I have another one to look forward to.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that I hate them, but I strongly dislike them. Do they do any good in terms of closure? For me they don't, but maybe for others they do?

 

[chico]

Over the last 18 months, I have been to three and now I have another one to look forward to.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that I hate them, but I strongly dislike them. Do they do any good in terms of closure? For me they don't, but maybe for others they do?

They just make me sad.

 

[NearHull]

I’ve been to a a few recently and in two of them, I came away wishing I’d known them better.

 

[Tashyboy]

It seems more and more folk are moving away from funerals and just having a “ pure cremation” essentially the deceased are picked up. Cremated, ashes returned to family to do with what they wish. Whether that is down to costs, not wanting a service. Not sure, but it is decision more and more are choosing.

 

[Lord Tyrion]

It seems more and more folk are moving away from funerals and just having a “ pure cremation” essentially the deceased are picked up. Cremated, ashes returned to family to do with what they wish. Whether that is down to costs, not wanting a service. Not sure, but it is decision more and more are choosing.

A bit of both I'd say. My MiL was cremated this way. The whole dying process had been traumatic enough, the family didn't want an extra level of funeral stress.

The great thing is, that option is out there for people now.