Favourite golf witticisms and jests!

[rosecott]

One which came to me, quick as a flash, many years ago when player in my group was trying to play out of a gorse bush - Do you feel a bit of a prick?

 

[CMAC]

anyone who doesn't get out of a bunker first time- ' a Hitler'

 

[ArnoldArmChewer]

Paula Radcliffe - bit ugly but runs a long way

After hitting a scabby tee shot into a par 3 - bit like sleeping with the sis in law - you're up there but you know you shouldn't be

How about the princess Diana, ' shouldn't have used the driver' OR the princess grace 'should've used the driver'

 

[Andy808]

If a player leaves a putt well short it get a "You've dropped something mate - your lipstick"

 

[Deleted member 15344]

If a player leaves a putt well short it get a "You've dropped something mate - your lipstick"

Well someone struggles to find their pink tee - i normally tell them to look near the ladies tee as thats where they belong

 

[Siren]

When someone plays for a break that is obviously not there and you tell them their golfing dyslexic... because they cant read greens! Love that one, use it far 2 often.

 

[cookelad]

When hits a putt that bounces all over the place before finishing up well short "that's a shame, it looked good in the air!" Or a putt that's well short or long, and wide "well apart from the line and the pace that was pretty good!"

 

[Foxholer]

After hitting a scabby tee shot into a par 3 - bit like sleeping with the sis in law - you're up there but you know you shouldn't be

Or the more conversationally acceptable version of the same shot; the Son-in-Law - not quite what you had in mind!

 

[williamalex1]

Lee Trevino said there's 2 things in life that won't succeed, dogs that chase cars ,and golfers who have to chip and put for pars.

 

[North Mimms]

A friend of mine exclaims "let me hit it again while I'm still angry" after hitting a poor shot

 

[ArnoldArmChewer]

How about 'you have "LOFT" hitting that shot (Lack Of Freakin Talent)

 

[guest100718]

Wow so many replies.... and all of them sooo funny.

 

[CMAC]

the best one is the one posted by guest100718

 

[Slab]

An FC hit a tee shot well right and behind trees, wondering about playing a prov & not playing the course before he asked if I knew what was round there... i said yeah, your ball !

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Wow so many replies.... and all of them sooo funny.

Must be a barrel of laughs at Beadlow

 

[guest100718]

Must be a barrel of laughs at Beadlow

Without eveing reading the thread I would be willing to bet that there are such "greats" as a sally gunnel, dennis wise, Sister in law....blah blah blah blah

Maybe they raised a chuckle 25 years ago

 

[Gazp]

After a bad drive I often say
"you are standing too close to the ball"
reply "really"
when they adjust their stance I say "No...after you have hit it"

 

[Crazyface]

A friend of mine exclaims "let me hit it again while I'm still angry" after hitting a poor shot

Like this one !!!!!!

 

[Stuey01]

The shortest hitter in my regular 3-ball is known as Annika because he hits it like a girl. (Conveniently ignoring the fact that Annika Sorenstam probably hit it further than any of us!)

 

[19th hole]

I like the Dennis Wise putt, 'a nasty little five footer'

"Maradona" - a really nasty five footer.