Khamelion
Tour Winner
I saw this one today:-
"He's like a lighthouse in the desert, very bright, but bloody useless"
"He's like a lighthouse in the desert, very bright, but bloody useless"
Best puts downs you heard or read
- Thread starter Khamelion
- Start date
SatchFan
Q-School Graduate
Heard this from a Tesco worker as the end of day fruit and veg clearance trolley was pushed out to the awaiting masses - "Like flies around a dog turd".
paulw4701
Club Champion
As useful as a chocolate tea pot
D
Deleted member 18645
Guest
You're about as useful as a wine waiter in a coal mine.
Doon frae Troon
Ryder Cup Winner
You think it is 'a best put down' to make fun of poor folk struggling to survive by buying cheap food.
I don't
SaintHacker
Journeyman Pro
You're the kind of (insert insult) that stands behind an old blind lady at a crossing going beep beep beep
MizunoGreyhound
Challenge Tour Pro
Many years ago from the great Billy Connolly: "Don`t tell me how to do my job!!! Do I come to your work and tell you how to sweep up?" Audience in stitches and heckler suitably put in their place.
Golfmmad
Tour Winner
Back in the day, when I worked in a supermarket,we were in the tea room and talking about our various skills and one of the lads (he was a big bloke!) said, " I'm not very bright but I can lift heavy weights". the funny thing was, he was serious!
Imurg
The Grinder Of Pars (Semi Crocked)
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut eventually...
Normally said when Fragger plays well.....😵
Normally said when Fragger plays well.....😵
Piece
Tour Winner
Oi! Why are you so fat?
Because each time I porked your mum, she gave me a biscuit!
Because each time I porked your mum, she gave me a biscuit!
irip
Head Pro
During quite a feisty rugby match two lads were squaring up to each other when their lad says to ours "your one of them loads your mother should of swallowed", we were all in stitches and even our bloke was chuckling.
Imurg
The Grinder Of Pars (Semi Crocked)
May have posted this before...
Years ago the village cricket team I played for enlisted an Aussie student for the Season.
Typical Aussie - said it how it is!
We were batting and 3 of us lower order batsmen were strolling around the boundary when out opener knicks one to the keeper who promptly dropped it.
"GET A BAG" was the call from our Antipodean friend.......
Cue much merriment!
Next ball the opener knicks another one to the keeper who promptly dropped it again .
"GET A BIGGER BAG" - I nearly died laughing...😂
Years ago the village cricket team I played for enlisted an Aussie student for the Season.
Typical Aussie - said it how it is!
We were batting and 3 of us lower order batsmen were strolling around the boundary when out opener knicks one to the keeper who promptly dropped it.
"GET A BAG" was the call from our Antipodean friend.......
Cue much merriment!
Next ball the opener knicks another one to the keeper who promptly dropped it again .
"GET A BIGGER BAG" - I nearly died laughing...😂
D
Deleted member 18645
Guest
Guy at our club notorious for taking ages over the ball before starting his swing. One hole he's taking longer than ever and some wag on the next hole yells out "oi you're not a ******* statue until a pigeon shitts on your head"
richy
Journeyman Pro
You look like you've been bobbing for apples in a deep fat fryer.
To a slow player, "I'm glad you moved, I thought rigor Mortus had set in"
Tashyboy
Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Whats the one about merv Hughes eating a cookie every time he shags someone's missis ?
cannot remember the full story
cannot remember the full story
D
Deleted member 15344
Guest
http://www.cricketsledges.com/top-twenty-cricket-sledges/
It's McGrath with the cookie one
There was another Merv Hughes with Robin Smith
Hughes bowled a few beauties that kept missing the bat and Hughes showed Smith the ball and said something like - It's red and round and you're supposed to hit , couple balls later Smith slapped him for six - Smith replied -" He Merv - you know what it looks like go fetch it ( using a bit more blue language) "
Another put down which is always good
What a lovely face - perfect for radio
Blue in Munich
Crocked Professional Yeti Impersonator
Read post 10 and it might come back to you………..
SocketRocket
Ryder Cup Winner
Policeman: Give me your name Sir:
Driver: What will I use then!
Policeman:You W****r
Driver: Pity your Dad wasn't one.
Driver: What will I use then!
Policeman:You W****r
Driver: Pity your Dad wasn't one.
Rlburnside
Challenge Tour Pro
Going back 30 odd years and different times, not so pc then.
Anyway, was in a noisy pub in Scotland and this Irish guy was getting a lot of ribbing, he took it for quite a while until he obviously got fed up with it so he stood up on a table and shouted for the pub to be quite, this is what he said " can anyone tell me the differance between a Scotsman and a coconut "
I expect everyone knows the punchline, I thought it was hilarious at the time, the guys in the pub took it in good fun.
Anyway, was in a noisy pub in Scotland and this Irish guy was getting a lot of ribbing, he took it for quite a while until he obviously got fed up with it so he stood up on a table and shouted for the pub to be quite, this is what he said " can anyone tell me the differance between a Scotsman and a coconut "
I expect everyone knows the punchline, I thought it was hilarious at the time, the guys in the pub took it in good fun.
