Lies We Tell Our Kids

[Deleted member 16999]

Wife was telling me about a friend who's Dad has told his 7yr Old Grandaughter that we are only allowed to speak 10,000 words a month and when she visits and is talkative, he tells her she's only got a few hundred left and best be quiet😃
The other one was every time she tells a lie, a kitten dies.
Anyone else tell or were told little white lies as a kid?

 

[Val]

Your bum cheeks will stick together if you swallow chewing gum

 

[Deleted member 16999]

Your bum cheeks will stick together if you swallow chewing gum

Ha Ha, my mam said it would wrap around your heart😃

 

[Rooter]

If you keep playing with that, it will fall off.

Haha mum! Its still here!!

 

[Marshy77]

That the burglar sensors in the rooms downstairs report everything you do to Santa - so behave!!!

 

[Dando]

the tune plays on the ice cream van when its out of ice cream!

 

[Hobbit]

That the burglar sensors in the rooms downstairs report everything you do to Santa - so behave!!!

"And that's why they flash Santa red." Yep, used that one...

 

[Hacker Khan]

Can I combine 2 threads as I got asked a question by my daughter this morning. And my response was 'We are bombing people in the Middle East as that will make Britain a safer place. And yes, that has worked so well in the past so it's bound to be successful again.'

 

[PhilTheFragger]

When I was 5 (1966) we had to find out what our grandparents did in the war
So I asked my Grandad, who said he was a Roman Soldier!

My teacher nearly wet herself

 

[ColchesterFC]

When niece was 4 she loved cheese and cartoons so I explained to her where cheese came from and told her that if she put a slice of cheese in daddy's DVD player it would play a cartoon about a cow.

Two weeks later I got a phone call asking why the DVD player was full of cheese.

 

[Alex1975]

My little girl believed that if you don't kiss daddy when your getting out of the bath that the kiss police will come and take daddy away....

 

[Hobbit]

When niece was 4 she loved cheese and cartoons so I explained to her where cheese came from and told her that if she put a slice of cheese in daddy's DVD player it would play a cartoon about a cow.

Two weeks later I got a phone call asking why the DVD player was full of cheese.

lol - our cassette player was full of choc digestives!

 

[Smiffy]

When our twin boys were about 7 or 8, I told them I was a Spitfire pilot during the war. I then went on to tell them, in dramatic fashion, how I had been on convoy duty over Scapa Flow and had run out of fuel.
I managed to glide my Spitfire down and landed on an iceberg.
It turned out it was the iceberg that actually sunk the Titanic as I found the nameplate for the ship buried in the ice.
I survived for two weeks by sucking icicles and eating raw penguin meat until I was picked up by a couple of Americans in a Catalina flying boat.
I was so convincing that they believed me and both had the piss ripped out of them at school for months and months and months, which only ended when they went crying to the headmistress who told them that there was no way I could have been a Spitfire pilot during the war as I would have been nearly 100.

 

[Deleted member 16999]

If you tell lies Baby Jesus gets Diarrhea.

 

[PhilTheFragger]

When our twin boys were about 7 or 8, I told them I was a Spitfire pilot during the war. I then went on to tell them, in dramatic fashion, how I had been on convoy duty over Scapa Flow and had run out of fuel.
I managed to glide my Spitfire down and landed on an iceberg.
It turned out it was the iceberg that actually sunk the Titanic as I found the nameplate for the ship buried in the ice.
I survived for two weeks by sucking icicles and eating raw penguin meat until I was picked up by a couple of Americans in a Catalina flying boat.
I was so convincing that they believed me and both had the piss ripped out of them at school for months and months and months, which only ended when they went crying to the headmistress who told them that there was no way I could have been a Spitfire pilot during the war as I would have been nearly 100.

But you are nearly 100

 

[Pin-seeker]

I tell my 7yr old that I'm good at golf.
He's in for a right shock.

 

[Break90]

I was told that if you eat the pips from an apple you'll grow into an apple tree.

And believed for ages that members of the female sex don't pass wind.........

I've told my Strictly Come Dancing obsessed 9 year old that Bruno Tonioli is only 3 feet tall and has been in films as an Ewok, an Oompah-Loompah, a Minion and an Elf

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

My little girl believed that if you don't kiss daddy when your getting out of the bath that the kiss police will come and take daddy away....

Is it just me that thinks this sounds wrong?

 

[Rooter]

Is it just me that thinks this sounds wrong?

If al's daughter was 22 I would say yes. But no, super cute!

 

[Tiger man]

the tune plays on the ice cream van when its out of ice cream!

My 3 year old thinks it is the fish van