joke

[drawboy]

Bill, Ralph, and Fred gathered for a round of golf on Mother's Day. The men were quite surprised at being "let go" for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.

Fred said, "I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go."

Ralph said, "I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go."

Bill said, "I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: `Golf course or inter-course,' and she said: 'I'll put your clubs in the car'."

 

[drawboy]

Bill got a call from the coroner, who wants to talk about his wife's recent death. Bill told him the whole sad story. "We were on the third hole. Sally, my wife, was standing on the ladies tee about 30 yards ahead of the men's box when I hit my drive. From the sound when the ball hit her head and the way she dropped like a rock, I knew immediately that she was dead. God only knows where the ball wound up."

The coroner replied "That explains the injury to her head, but what about the Maxfli embedded in her rectum?"

"Oh," said Bill. "That was my provisional." I just NR'ed after that.

 

[DingleBerry]

LOL

 

[USER1999]

I love your new avatar.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Are you here all week?

 

[drawboy]

I'm here for the summer season Homer, lots more to come

 

[Smiffy]

I'm here for the summer season Homer, lots more to come

Cushty

 

[Swinger]

Whats the difference between a hooker and an onion??


I cry when I cut up and onion.

 

[The_Squire]

A couple are on holiday in the wild west when the husband asks the native American Indian guide what his wifes name is in the native language.

The guide thinks for a moment then answers 'five horses'.

'That's unusual' says the husband, 'how do you come by that?

The guide says ' NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG'

 

[drawboy]

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How is the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album has gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it is pretty good. By the way how is the golf."

Nicklaus replies: "Not too bad, I am not winning as much as I used to but I'm still making a bit of money. I have some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now."

"I always find that when my swing goes wrong I need to stop playing for a while and think about it, then the next time I play it seems to be all right," says Stevie.

"You play golf!?" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."

"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.

"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.

"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.

"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."

Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"

"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie assures Jack. Nicklaus is incredulous and says to Stevie, "We must play a game sometime."

Wonder replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously so I only play for money, and I never play for less than $100,000 a hole."

Nicklaus thinks it over and says, "OK, I'm up for that. When would you like to play?"

"I don't care - any night after 1am is OK with me."

 

[Atticus_Finch]

I went in to WH Smiths yesterday and quietly whispered to the girl behind the counter "Do you have the magazine for men with small penises?"

She replied "I don't think it's in"

I said "That's right, that's the name of it."