Advice/Help please guys

[HomerJSimpson]

Sorry if this is long but want to make sure I cover everything.

As you may know my mum has stomach cancer and although will never be in remission has had her chemo and the tumor has shrunk. However a neighbour found her in the street really confused on Tuesday and while she was trying to get mum home she fell. They called an ambulance and went to A&E. Nothing broken but she has a urinary infection which they think is the cause of the confusion and gave her antibiotics and sent her home on patient transport. We went to A&E and missed her by 10 minutes. When we got home mum wasn't there. She'd gone straight out to flower club at the church but was still very mixed up.

Neighbours called yesterday to say she was even worse and more confused. It doesn't look like she had been taking her medication (including all her diabetic pills etc) and really wasn't herself. We shot straight down after work and sorted all her medication for her and made sure she ate and drank a little. She fell down the last stair just as we were leaving so it was another ambulance job (she couldn't lift herself off the floor and a nasty gash to her head). A&E kept her in but have sent her home again today. Neighbours say she is a little less confused probably because the hospital made sure she took her medication and gave her fluids.

We called her GP put after the first incident. He looked at her walking which she did unaided and said there wasn't a problem. We weren't concerned about the mobility but about her confusion and falls which when they checked her blood pressure laying flat and then sitting upright last night dropped through the floor.

The problem HID and I have is that although we want to help and be there as much as we can we both work full time and can't afford to give up our jobs and we live about an hour away and so it is impractical to drive up and back every night (and we can't afford two tanks of petrol per week - sorry but that is an economic reality) and still make sure we eat and sleep properly too.

I want to get the GP back in and Macmillan (she has a cancer nurse assigned) and ideally try and get her someone who can come in and make sure she is ok. I've got this nasty image in my head of her falling again now and not being able to pick herself up or get to a phone. I've no idea how to go about this or how to get social services involved etc. She lives on her own and although neighbours do come in, it was apparent this week that as soon as it got a little messy and needed them to get "involved" they all distanced themselves and said it is our responsibilty. Whilst I accept that, what if we had our own family or lived 200 miles away and couldn't get there every night.

What do I do to get her some help or some sort of care arrangement as she lives alone. With her recent medical history and problems this week would she be a priority. Has anyone had a similar situation. Can anyone help. Thanks for any help or advice chaps

 

[AuburnWarrior]

I'm sorry to hear of your situation pal.

I'm not much of an expert (thankfully) but I'd suggest the local council. They can assign home help I believe.

My Wife's Nan is elderly and my Mother-in-law is in regular contact with the council about day to day care, etc.

Hope this helps geezer.

 

[NWJocko]

Sorry to hear this homer.

From a social services point of view her local council will have a 24 hour emergency duty team on who can arrange an emergency visit from an on call social worker. You should be able to get their number from the local council website.

 

[Iaing]

Sorry to hear this Homer. Couldn't your mum come and stay with you? At least then you'd be there for her at night.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Sorry to hear this Homer. Couldn't your mum come and stay with you? At least then you'd be there for her at night.

Of course she can and it would take some of the issues away. However we both work full time and so wouldn't be able to take time off long term to care for her through the day and so the problem doesn't really go away whether she is at home or with us. At least in her own home the neighbours do call in (a couple have keys) and can keep an eye on here even if they don't want to get directly involved so if anything did happen they could get help. Also I doubt very much if we'd persuade my mum to come anyway.

 

[quinn]

have the same with my mother she suffers from ms so know what your going through you need to speak to social services you have to really push them or else they wont want to get involved, they can provide a care package but they will have to come out and assess her first, make sure you mention its a prority case as she lives on her own and you have so far to travel, my mothers neighbours were the same, offered to help but didnt want to when i asked them, you might also want to try age concern they can provide a panic button service in case of a fall which they have someone on call 24 hrs, think they charge for this but not sure, my mother was in hospital for ages because i refused for them to let her go home until a care package was put in place, there should be a social services office at the hospital too they might be more helpful as they know her history, you just have to keep on at them until they get fed up with you ringing up, all the best

 

[golfcitydweller]

try the `macmillan` nurses - they looked after my mum in her final few months and it gave my dad time to other things around the house as my mum needed 24/7 care - hope all goes well - i`m sure i`m not the only one on here that wishes u best of luck . euan

 

[quinn]

forgot to say ref social services its who you pay your council tax to that provide the social services care , ie my mother lives in warwickshire but coventry supply the social service care , id try the hospital first they seem to be willing to listen a bit more

 

[MashieNiblick]

So sorry to hear this Homer. I know a bit about social services from a professional and personal perspective.

You should contact the social services team at your local Council (Bracknell Forest I would guess) and talk to them. They will advise you about what help you might be able to get and can arrange an assessment of your mum's situation.

There's quite a lot social services can arrange, from an alarm which would go through to a local centre to carers coming to provide care for your mum at home, but it all depends on their assessment.

How is she tonight? If you are worried there should be an emergency (out of hours) contact number which you should be able to get from the Council website and you can phone them and have a chat. Otherwise call the main number tomorrow and take it from there.

It case it is Bracknell Forest try these links

http://www.bracknell-forest.gov.uk/living/liv-community-care.htm and

http://www.bracknell-forest.gov.uk/emergency-duty-team-leaflet.pdf

Hope everything goes OK. It is very hard when things like this happen but there should be help out there.

All the best.

 

[User20205]

Sorry to hear about your Mum Homer.

On our local authority website there is a stack of info, I'm sure that on your Mum's/your area it will be the same.

links on the Dorset site that may be relevant;

http://www.nhs.uk/carersdirect/Pages/CarersDirectHome.aspx

http://www.helpandcare.org.uk/

http://www.carersuk.org/

 

[MashieNiblick]

Sorry Homer of course I just remembered your mum doesn't live in the Bracknell area.

Those links should give you an idea of what's available but you will need to look on the website of your mum's Council.

Once again all the best.

 

[teegirl]

Sorry your Mum's having a tough time. Lots of good suggestion, contacts for you to follow up.
Because of the infection your Mum has and you said she was given antibiotic's, be aware that she may be having a reaction to the antibiotics that can cause many side affects, including confusion and loss of balance. I have no medical background but do work as a career and have come across this sort of reaction. It can be as a result of other medication she is taking, or as you hinted maybe she is not taking her medication regularly
It is very hard and sure you feel very torn between doing your best and being realistic.
One last suggestion, more for a longer term solution, do you have any warden controlled accommodation in her area?

All the best.

 

[fundy]

Sorry to hear your situation, i lost my mum many years ago and a lot of similarities.

It may not be PC but dont rely on the authorities imo, the likes of macmillan are brilliant but obviously they are thinly stretched. I think you are going to find yourself relying a fair bit on her neighbours for help, hopefully they will aid you.

It may be worth talking to the local CAB, explaining the situation and asking whether they could recommend any other local help or a better approach.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help but I wish you and your mum well.

 

[Aztecs27]

try the `macmillan` nurses - they looked after my mum in her final few months and it gave my dad time to other things around the house as my mum needed 24/7 care - hope all goes well - i`m sure i`m not the only one on here that wishes u best of luck . euan

+1.

The Macmillan Nurses do unbelievable work. They helped my Grandfather no end when he had cancer and more recently my sister's Dad when he was basically home bound in his final few months.

 

[USER1999]

Am in a similar situation with the mother in law. She has moved in with us, and we pay a carer to come in and look after her. She comes in in the morning, and again later in the day. She also can stay longer if mil is having a bad day. Unfortunately, these are getting more common.

There seems to be a bit of a gap in the system between not being ill enough to be in hospital and palliative care. I guess that's where care homes come in, but at £1000 per week it gets very expensive very quickly.

Hope you find a satisfactory solution.

 

[Evesdad]

When my gran had a fall we filled a form in which basically pays upto £80 a week, it's supposed to help pay for jobs they cannot do garden & shopping etc, I'll try and find out what it was. Prob not a great help but the best I can offer you I'm afraid, hope all works out.

 

[Losttheplot]

I can't offer any suggestions as to help but just wanted to say my thoughts are with you Homer. Hope everything turns out ok for you and your family.

 

[brendy]

When my grandad on my mums side became frail (gran had died around 4 years earlier) he moved in with us (4 of us in the house) with my mum and dad working, I was working and my younger brother at school, all we could do was take staggered lunches and it somehow worked out.
No matter what happens homer, it is sad to see older relatives succumb to illness and age, I wish your family well and hope things improve.
For what it is worth, it may be worthwhile looking up the local charities as there may be a fold or similar that can take her for respite days etc should she finally move in.

 

[Gazp]

If there is a hospice locally, it may be worth giving them a call, they do home visits at some & also may be able to taker her in as a day patient one or two days a week. My mother in law went to St Giles hospice in Lichfield & they were absolutely brilliant with her. At the very least they'll be able to offer advice.

 

[viscount17]

we went through something similar with my dad, he was in Brighton and it was a few years ago now - I'm pretty sure that the levels of service will be different in different areas. Hopefully none as bad as Brighton could be.
Unfortunately we (my brothers and me) were all living some distance away and it was my older brother and sister-in-law who did the donkey work in organising it all.

we started with an alarm system, a pull cord that he could use if he fell which sent out an automatic alert - this wasn't a free service, and wasn't 'local'. an alert was answered from some way away so response wasn't immediate though they did always respond.

he had home help, this was a bit variable as they were frequently changed, often for no apparent reason. this was particularly annoying when he had a help that he got on with. the quality of help varied, as did the hours.
he also had meals on wheels - basic is the word I'm looking for
ultimately he had to be moved to warden controlled accommodation, then pretty rapidly thereafter to a care home.

social services should be your first port of call but don't forget citizens advice