What referees shouldn't say to players

[Colin L]

I was on the lovely Alyth golf course in Perthshire this week, refereeing at a Universities tournament. Each morning there was a heavy dew and so I was reminding myself,, in case asked, that dew is neither casual water nor a loose impediment. It's good to prepare yourself for possible queries from players, I thought to myself, probably with unseemly self-satisfaction. Then, unbidden, the tempting wording of an answer crept in:

Player: Am I allowed to clear the dew away before I putt?
Me: Sorry no, it's not a loose impediment.
Player: That's a pity.
Me: Yeah. You just have to suck it up.

The temptation was easily resisted as the excellent greenkeepers had cleared all the greens but how about some I'll-get-my-coat contributions to What Referees Shouldn't Say to Players?

 

[salfordlad]

"Ooooh, that's nasty!"

 

[rulefan]

I'm not sure what the Rules say about this.

 

[Steven Rules]

Would you like to read the Rule for yourself?

 

[Voyager EMH]

"Are your balls conforming?"

 

[Neilds]

How on earth did you end up here?

 

[rulefan]

Oh dear! Preferred Lies came off yesterday.

 

[rulefan]

That wasn't a penalty area yesterday.

 

[IanM]

If only there was an App for that...

 

[Voyager EMH]

Is your name "Reed" by any chance?

 

[Pants]

Here's a rule book. Show me where you think I'm wrong.

 

[salfordlad]

I'll just get the calculator.

 

[rulie]

Referee, "How did this ball get here?"
Player, "I hit it there."
Referee, "Then you better hit it out of there."

Best interaction:
Referee, "How can I help you?
Player, "What are my options here?"
Referee - explains all the available options.