Seniors roll up mystery

bobmac

bobmac

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It was a clear crisp autumn morning in Berkshire.
The mist was slowly lifting off the 18th green and young Homer, the assistant professional pulls up outside the pro shop to start a busy day.
Its 07.45 on Wednesday so it's seniors roll up day.
It's going to be busy with DCB, Fragger, Smiffy and all the rest of the cronies arriving soon.
Homer bounces effortlessly into the clubhouse, giving a cheery "good morning" to the club secretary, Amanda and goes on to the kitchen to order a bacon roll from the club chef, only to find..................
 
The delay was fortunate as the chef came round from his JD induced coma and the barmaid continued to practice her in-to-out swing path with the snooker cue whilst trying to keep her head down. As Homer started to hang up he found a call waiting from Spain...
 
There are sirens in the instance, all will be well when the fuzz arrive. But sadly, the only vacant space in the car park is for the captain, so they do a loop of the car park, and head off to macdonalds for a coffee.
 
After coffee, they decide to order burgers all round and then throw them down the toilet without eating them, so as to cut out the middle man.

They decide to return to the golf club and left McDonalds via the exit, pausing to wonder whether exit signs are on the way out ..................
 
The chef screams in agony, the scarlet patch spreading across the croutch area of his white apron, he shouts "I was caught putting my chopper into the bacon slicer"
Homer stands there confused and asks "why did you do that"
The Chef screams "We were having an affair and just as I did it the Bacon Slicers Husband walked in"
 
When the polis eventually arrive and after the mandatory " 'ullo, 'ullo, 'ullo ". They try to establish the chef's identity.
" Does anyone know this man's name ? " Asks the big sergeant looking sternly at Homer and Amanda......
 
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Amanda sheepishly replies.....Willy.
Willy's taken off to hospital while the pollis start a search for clues.
In the bin they find a pair of virtually brand new Adidas power grinds.
They take the shoes to the pro shop and ask...............
 
Why are these in the bin the look as though they have only been worn for 9 holes. Is there too much money at this club?.....
 
James, the head pro looks at the shoes mystified. These were bought recently as an engagement present for Jon Aztec
James wipes the blood off the soles, swaps the insoles for a cheap pair and puts them back on the shelf.
Just then Murph walks in ready for his next lesson from Homer...........
 
"Today" Homer announces to Murph and his carer "We arn't going to hit balls, I thought it would be a good idea to talk about the positive aspects of golf" Murph looked bemused

"Today Murph I have done away with the half empty cup and got a bucket, even if the bucket is half empty there is still more in it than a cup Murph"

"what does this tell you Murph?" ..........................
 
Murph says " you can get more crap in a half empty bucket, than you can in a half empty cup"

Homer Storms out in a Huff, Murph is even more bemused

Turns to his carer and says........
 
At that point young Nick Dougherty walks in and says, "Tour sucks !" before heading off to B&Q to get some paint and wallpaper for his new weekend hobby of DIY
 
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