My friends have rallied around me like you wouldn’t believe including offers of spending Christmas with different people. Her family have totally taken me in as one of their own, too. For that I am blessed.
I know who to reach out to when I need to - in fact, during her last few days I utilised one of the free text chat lines just to allow me to vent to someone who wasn’t there living it with us.
https://www.crisistextline.uk/
No one should ever feel ashamed to reach out and ask for help, or even just to have someone to talk to. Talking really can help focus the awful thoughts in our heads and make them more manageable.