Matchplay strategies

edgey

edgey

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Jan 15, 2008
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As we all know matchplay is the purist form of of golf. I was wondering what strategies everyone uses to win. Here are a few of mine which i have found to be succesfull.

I never wash for at least 72 hours before playing any matchplay competition, offensive body odour is very intimidating.

I try to step on my opponents putting line on accident. On every hole.

I stand so that the head of my shadow is directly over the hole and then sway back and forth while humming softy. While my opponent putts.

I make my opponent putt out from 2 inches away and right as he's about to make contact with the ball I scream "MISS IT!!!!". If he complains I explain that he's being a baby and that there's no way he could have missed that putt.

I wait for him to be further out and while he stands there waiting to hit I fire one right at him, hitting him in the small of the back, and then yell "shank!!!!"

On our way down the fairway I talk to him about swinging couples and ask if he and his wife/girlfriend are into it. If he says yes I tell him I'm not married but I'd like to bang his wife.

If my opponent hits a good shot and I can tell he's proud of it I'll get right up in his face and say things like" OH, YOU THINK YOU"RE THE DOGS NOW?!?!?".

Double their score on every hole. "Are you sure you got a 7 and not a snowman 8?" Have them count off the shots.

Pretty much I'm a complete a-hole the entire time.

Alls fair in love and golf, right?

Edgey
 
As we all know matchplay is the purist form of of golf. I was wondering what strategies everyone uses to win. Here are a few of mine which i have found to be successful.

I never wash for at least 72 hours before playing any matchplay competition, offensive body odour is very intimidating.

I try to step on my opponents putting line on accident. On every hole.

I stand so that the head of my shadow is directly over the hole and then sway back and forth while humming softy. While my opponent putts.

I make my opponent putt out from 2 inches away and right as he's about to make contact with the ball I scream "MISS IT!!!!". If he complains I explain that he's being a baby and that there's no way he could have missed that putt.

I wait for him to be further out and while he stands there waiting to hit I fire one right at him, hitting him in the small of the back, and then yell "shank!!!!"

On our way down the fairway I talk to him about swinging couples and ask if he and his wife/girlfriend are into it. If he says yes I tell him I'm not married but I'd like to bang his wife.

If my opponent hits a good shot and I can tell he's proud of it I'll get right up in his face and say things like" OH, YOU THINK YOU"RE THE DOGS NOW?!?!?".

Double their score on every hole. "Are you sure you got a 7 and not a snowman 8?" Have them count off the shots.

Pretty much I'm a complete a-hole the entire time.

Alls fair in love and golf, right?

Edgey
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When you next free for a game? I like you and want to take some money off you. I play off 18 ;) and live in Surrey.
 
If your Opponent plays a dreadful shot just say - and with as sincere a voice as you can - " Aw. Nobody likes to see that!"
You can guarantee a fuming oppo within a few seconds.
 
If your Opponent plays a dreadful shot just say - and with as sincere a voice as you can - " Aw. Nobody likes to see that!"
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This one has a very bad habit of biting you back very quickly and with interest :o :o
 
Bit of an arse really and I wouldnt be playing with you again and btw it wouldnt work and I would bury you.
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well you would do off that handicap! its full diference nowadays! unfair
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I would imagine he fully meets the description of chopper, in fact anyone of 23 must be.

Edgey
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I don't give a wotsit if I am a hacker or not, I play golf for enjoyment of the game and not to be up my own arse like you two lovers almost certainly are.

I have only been playing golf two years so didn't have the luxury of mummy & daddy paying for my new clubs and membership as a child, though judging by Pin's attitude it seems to have been wasted on him.
 
no i've always paid my own way. i grew up playing on the local field chipping into the bins and bases of lamp columns! you can't afford to miss when theres houses behind! Now thats pressure!
 
no i've always paid my own way. i grew up playing on the local field chipping into the bins and bases of lamp columns! you can't afford to miss when theres houses behind! Now thats pressure!
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I started on the local cricket field with my dads 9 iron, don't think Ive ever hit the ball so straight in my life.
 
yep as soon as my old man said "DO NOT TOUCH THOSE CLUBS!" what else was i going to! and they were maxfli australian blades! I couldn't hit them now!

Just made sure i cleaned them before they went back.
 
I started on a beach in spain with stones and a rusty old three iron, oh no wait a minute that was Seve.
I started on a course with a set of clubs Mummy and Daddy bought me.
 
While we are on the subject of matchplay I was wondering if I could get a few peoples opinion.

I am currently involved in our clubs annual matchplay competition and am due to play my 3rd round match. The person I am up against has just gone on holidays for 3 weeks! the round has to be completed in one weeks time and I am wondering what would normally happen in this situation?

P.S. I didn't have to use any of your "TIPS" in getting this far. The best tip is just to play to your handicap.
 
I think you need to speak to the commitee see what they think. To me the thing with match play is never ever give up on a hole and never give them an easy hole, always put pressure on your opponents, if you knock one Oob hit your next down the middle and play for the best score you can make. Once you are 2 or 3 up hit the greens make pars, no mistakes, force them to make birdies to beat you.
 
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