Loss of a friend... (needed to vent)

[vkurup]

Last year heard a friend of mine in the US was struggling with cancer. He had it for some time before he broke the news to us. So I took a few days off, chucked my kit into the plane an went off and played a couple of rounds with him in Jersey. I was meeting him after about 10 years and golf gave us a common ground to meet. We only played about 18 holes.

During the first game he was increasingly getting frustrated that he could no longer drive as far as he could. All the chemo had taken a toll on his spine. But it was his first game in the whole year so we soldiered on. Great fresh air, good banter and the scores did not count. Second game was cut short as he could not continue after 9 holes so we drove back. It was a good few days that will remain with me for a long time.

Since I got back, we have been on whatzapp and I tell him about my weekend scores. I promised him a game at St Andrews if he made it to this side of the pond. But cancer is evil and it took its toll. He manged to get out to the range once this year.

Last Saturday, he messaged me that the Drs had given up and sent him home. In the wee hours of this morning, he lost the battle. He was a good friend and may his soul rest in peace. I know that the avg handicap in heaven just went up and I wished I could have played at St A with him. Life is indeed too short and fickle.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Sorry to read this. Lost both parents to the insidious disease

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend - he will be playing better fairways now :thup:

 

[Siren]

At least you got to spend some real quality time with him before he passed on. Although its no consolation at least his pain is over.

One day hopefully far, far into the future you will get that game together at St Andrews, while hes waiting hes probably going to play Augusta and Pebble just to rib you on the fairways

 

[Val]

Sorry for your loss pal

 

[vkurup]

I am at a loss to figure out how to make that phone call to his Mrs. I only know her briefly and I dont want to intrude into a very private moment. Equally, not calling seems inhumane/rude/impolite.

His Facebook page is getting a lot of messages, but again I am not sure I want to post to that. It seems so simple to post to his FB page and forget about it..

A bit of pain for me tonight (unfortunately, cant hit the sack, as there are some things due at work & home tomorrow). Havent told HID about it, else she will order me go upstairs now..

 

[Deleted member 15344]

I am at a loss to figure out how to make that phone call to his Mrs. I only know her briefly and I dont want to intrude into a very private moment. Equally, not calling seems inhumane/rude/impolite.

His Facebook page is getting a lot of messages, but again I am not sure I want to post to that. It seems so simple to post to his FB page and forget about it..

A bit of pain for me tonight (unfortunately, cant hit the sack, as there are some things due at work & home tomorrow). Havent told HID about it, else she will order me go upstairs now..

Wouldnt worry about the Facebook but i think his wife would really appreciate the call - possibly in a day or two maybe ?

 

[NWJocko]

I am at a loss to figure out how to make that phone call to his Mrs. I only know her briefly and I dont want to intrude into a very private moment. Equally, not calling seems inhumane/rude/impolite.

His Facebook page is getting a lot of messages, but again I am not sure I want to post to that. It seems so simple to post to his FB page and forget about it..

A bit of pain for me tonight (unfortunately, cant hit the sack, as there are some things due at work & home tomorrow). Havent told HID about it, else she will order me go upstairs now..

Speak to and listen to your Mrs.

Get a sleep in and then make the call to his Mrs tomorrow, work will always be there.

Sorry for your loss, tough read.

 

[Siren]

I am at a loss to figure out how to make that phone call to his Mrs. I only know her briefly and I dont want to intrude into a very private moment. Equally, not calling seems inhumane/rude/impolite.

His Facebook page is getting a lot of messages, but again I am not sure I want to post to that. It seems so simple to post to his FB page and forget about it..

A bit of pain for me tonight (unfortunately, cant hit the sack, as there are some things due at work & home tomorrow). Havent told HID about it, else she will order me go upstairs now..

Talk to your wife tonight, you have grieving to do as well, then phone his wife in a day or two. Facebook is so impersonal and in a few weeks im sure you will regret it.

Were all here for you pal.

 

[SocketRocket]

Sorry to hear your story, such news is never easy to come to terms with.

All I can suggest is that you sit down, pour a drink and try to detach yourself from the situation for a short time. Try and take an aerial view of the situation and you will probably see that some things that seem important can wait a bit and that talking to your wife and your Friends wife is something that cannot. Whatever, think on the good times you had and be kind to yourself.

 

[Liverbirdie]

Sad, sad story.

I lost 3 mates in their early thirties, luckily haven't lost any golf mates yet.

 

[garyinderry]

Cherish the memories of the good times.

 

[AmandaJR]

Sad news and sorry for your loss. I think his wife would very much appreciate the call. When we lose a loved when there is some small comfort from hearing how much others loved them too.

 

[Doon frae Troon]

Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.
Re. contact with his wife, sometimes a good old fashioned hand written letter works wonders for both her and yourself.

My wife still corresponds with a few close friends by letter, much more personal.

 

[Deleted member 18588]

Like many others I have been through an eerily similar experience.

With his widow I would recommend contact as soon as you can as the longer you leave it the harder it will become.

With my friend's wife it was a case of initially sharing some tears but then it became laughter as we each remembered the pre-illness man and what he had meant to each of us.

So go on make that call.

 

[Tashyboy]

Strange thing is my wife says that real friends can go without seeing one another for months and years without seeing one another but as soon as they meet up. They just pick up where they left off. The very fact that you jumped on a plane after 10 years confirms that to me.

The golf you played with him in America would of seemed like St Andrews to him.

re Facebook and contacting his wife, I really don't know. My daughter who we adopted, her foster parents birth daughter died in a sky diving accident and her mother said that the messages she received via face book was precious to her and helped her through some dark times.

having said all that speak to your beloved and get her help, advice and cuddles.

gutted for you me man. Tashyboy

 

[richart]

Very sorry to hear that Vinesh. Definitely give his wife a ring. I am sure she would love to hear from such a good friend.

 

[DaveyG]

No divots up there pal...

Sorry to hear this... I would make sure you go and play St Andrews in his name.

 

[vkurup]

Thanks everyone.. It was a difficult week. Losing him was difficult, but had to keep it away from HID as she was submitting her Thesis. I must admit, I could not bring myself to call his home number, but finally picked up the phone. Unfortunately, could only get to their vmail a couple of times. I think it would be rude if I kept trying, so will give them a call in a few weeks.

As always, tnx for the support, I did revisit the page a few times, but resisted the temptation to post....

 

[vkurup]

Mods... Can you delete this thread... please.