Have we done jokes?

[RGuk]

If not, here's my top two

#2 A player appears in the clubhouse looking really stressed and clearly out of breath. The pro asks him what happened, so he replies,
"I sliced one off the 14th, it hit a car, the bloke crashed into a gate, there are cows all over the road, his jaguar is ruined, the police are on the way, as are the fire brigade and the farmer"
The pro looks at him quizically, begging him to go on, which he does...
"I don't know what to do continues the player"..to which the pro replies.....
.
.
.
.
"I think you'd better come for a lesson on that grip!"

sorry

#1 two wealthy hackers are out on the course.
One player suddenly looks a bit sheepish, and says "I'm sorry old chap, but I've just spotted my wife and my mistress coming up the fairway behind us, I can't see them together, no way! I need to hide while they play through."
so, he hides his trolley and throws himself into a large area of gorse.

As he's sitting there, trying not to make any noise, the other golfer comes running over, throws himself into the same bush and exclaimes
.
.
.
.
"my goodness, what a small world!"

boom boom.....

OK, I'll remove myself off the forum......bye!

Dave

 

[Marko77]

Lady captain goes to the Doctor on the Monday complaining of a pain resulting from a wasp sting.

"ok, where did it sting you?" asks the doctor

"between the first and second holes" advises the lady captain

"Okay, so we know your stance is too wide then...." concludes the doc

 

[cosworth]

well done dave.they are bad but stay on the forum its not worth leaving.we can forgive and forget.
sadly i have no golf jokes to add either.
oh go on i'l embarass myself too.

why did the hedgehog cross the road????????









to see his FLAT MATE....

boom boom.

ok im off too.

 

[madandra]

After 25 years of blissful marraige the man and wife are sitting in the clubhouse bar talking of the old times. After a short silence the wife pipes up and says

'YOU HAVE MADE MY LIFE WORTH LIVING, WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS VERY UNHAPPY AND IF I AM BEING HONEST UP UNTIL I WAS 18 I WAS A MAN'

The hubby sits for a moment in complete and utter silence ...
Then he replies

'25 YEARS .... 25 YEARS ... YOU LYING, CHEATING DISHONEST F****R. YOU MAKE ME SICK !! I CANNOT TAKE THIS IN !!!!!

25 YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN PLAYING OFF THE WOMENS TEE 1!

 

[madandra]

I JUST GOT A NEW SET OF CLUBS FOR THE WIFE.

THANK GOD FOR 'TRADE INS'

 

[holein1]

A golfer was in big trouble when he forgot
his wedding anniversary.

His wife told him; "Tomorrow there better
be something in the driveway for me that goes
zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".

The next morning the wife found a small package
in the driveway. She opened it and found a
brand new bathroom scale.

 

[pjaz]

Two elderly gentlemen golfers were on the 18th. Player 1 was about to tee off when he saw a funeral procession approaching. He stood back, removed his cap and waited for the funeral cars to pass before continuing. After the tee shots, his playing partner said:

'That was very conscientious of you'. Too which he replied

'Well, she was a good wife to me for 40 years'.

 

[Lloydy84]

Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods are playing the 16th hole, when Tiger's tee shot lands behind a huge, 100 foot fir tree. Tiger looks at Arnie and says, "How would you play this one? Lay up and take the extra stroke?"

Arnold replies: "When I was your age, I'd just play right over this tree."

Tiger, not wanting to be shown up by ol' Arnold Palmer, proceeds to hit the ball high, but not high enough. It bounces off the tree and lands out of bounds. Tiger, really ticked at this point, asks Arnold how he EVER hit a ball over that tree.

Arnold replied: "Well, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall."

 

[RGuk]

All beauts! ha, ha......I can almost double my count of golf jokes now.

 

[julsk10]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signals, the phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls". When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?

 

[cosworth]

julsk10 the best yet.loved it.

 

[Madmac99]

Mick and Paddy are playing a friendly game and all is going well, lots of banter and some average golf, until they arrive at the Par 3, 17th Tee. So, Mick selects his club lays into the ball and it rises gracefully through the air and disappears out of view onto the elevated green, WoW says Paddy 'that looked good Mick' that could be in the hole. 'D'ya think so' says Mick. Paddy takes his club and hits it beautifully similar flight to Micks and watches it disappear on pretty much the same line. "Great Shot" says Mick "now that really could be in the hole"
They pick up their pace on the way to the green and as it slowly comes into view they see one ball perched within inches of the hole. 'well I said you'd hit a great shot Mick' thank you Paddy but that could be your ball I guess I must have run through the back. On reaching the flag they find one ball in the Hole. Paddy's punching the air screaming with delight at getting a Hole In One when Mick says 'what ball are you playing' 'A Titliest 2 says Paddy' oh my god, so am I says Mick I've got a Hole In One! No surely not screams Paddy it's my ball in the hole, you said I had hit it perfectly and it could be in the hole, and you told me the same thing reminded Mick.
There's only one way to sort this out they agree, so they ring the Pro Shop and ask for advice. The Pro says to hang on there and he will be straight out. On arriving at the green the Pro sees a very excited Paddy & Mick eager for his resolution. So, says the Pro tell me exactly what happened, well I hit my ball and he said great shot that could be in the hole, and he hit his shot and I said it was going to be close so it must be my ball in the hole explained Paddy, should be easy enough said the Pro, which ball were you playing, A Titliest 2 says Paddy, me too says Mick, so the Pro walks over to the Hole and on seeing the ball in the hole says......................Okay who's playing the Yellow One!!

 

[wigangolf]

My long irons are like the mother in law, i want to hit em but i just cant!