Golf on Xmas Day

[Deleted member 15344]

Golf on Christmas Day Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife a diamond ring that is so big she can't take her eyes off it." The second guy says, "I spent a tonne too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." The third guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, ‘Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning -- intercourse or golfcourse?' She said, “Don’t forget to shut the garage door!”

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Actually know someone that rocked up at our club on Christmas morning and wanted to play nine holes before the relatives arrived and the festivities started (and it wasn't me)

 

[North Mimms]

Actually know someone that rocked up at our club on Christmas morning and wanted to play nine holes before the relatives arrived and the festivities started (and it wasn't me)

Goodness Homer!
Do you just post 2 lines on every thread, then click "next" ?

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Actually know someone that rocked up at our club on Christmas morning and wanted to play nine holes before the relatives arrived and the festivities started (and it wasn't me)

Well you foxed my idea of breaking up the Homer postathon?!

Catching it up it appears on a missed couple of days worth

 

[palindromicbob]

Goodness Homer!
Do you just post 2 lines on every thread, then click "next" ?

Excellent. 2 posts on this thread that have made me laugh.

 

[Nosevi]

Actually know someone that rocked up at our club on Christmas morning and wanted to play nine holes before the relatives arrived and the festivities started (and it wasn't me)

Whereas I've wanted to play 18 starting shortly after the relatives arrived.....

 

[ManinBlack]

I've played on Xmas day before but it includes taking the gear home on Xmas Eve & climbing over the gate onto the course. Fortunately, the gate is only 3 feet high so I can manhandle the clubs & trolley over.

 

[guest100718]

good time to play, it usually free....

 

[nta73]

Whereas I've wanted to play 18 starting shortly after the relatives arrived.....

i am with you mate!

 

[Deleted member 15344]

A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot - approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: "We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies' tee box!"

To which the man turns around and yells: "And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!"

 

[CMAC]

phil, someone give you the 1970's golf joke book for a present

 

[Deleted member 15344]

phil, someone give you the 1970's golf joke book for a present

Olden but golden

 

[HomerJSimpson]

After a truly terrible round of golf, a married man sullenly makes his way home. He knocks on the door and is greeted by his wife. Without warning, he punches her squarely on the nose.

Sobbing, blood streaming, she asks "Why did you do that?"

"Well I've hit everything else fat today"


A group of golfers line up at the 10th after a pretty ordinary round. Jack hits a gigantic drive that hooks badly out of the course and into the car park and smashes a windscreen. Not wanting to get banned, the golfers carry on hoping no-one noticed.

When they approach the 18th a policeman approaches, "Did any of you hook the ball out on the 10th?". Jack begrudingly admits to his crime.

"Well, the ball went clean through the windscreen, the shock caused the 82 year old driver to have a heart attack"

"Sorry officer, what should I do?"

"Well try opening your stance a little"

 

[Doon frae Troon]

One wet Christmas I went in mid afternoon to check the main municipal course to see if it would be playable for Boxing day.
[Can't believe I was sober enough to do that!]

I found about 10 guys, most of whom I recognised, enjoying a free round
They were pretty shocked to see me.

 

[Doon frae Troon]

After a truly terrible round of golf, a married man sullenly makes his way home. He knocks on the door and is greeted by his wife. Without warning, he punches her squarely on the nose.

Sobbing, blood streaming, she asks "Why did you do that?"

"Well I've hit everything else fat today"


A group of golfers line up at the 10th after a pretty ordinary round. Jack hits a gigantic drive that hooks badly out of the course and into the car park and smashes a windscreen. Not wanting to get banned, the golfers carry on hoping no-one noticed.

When they approach the 18th a policeman approaches, "Did any of you hook the ball out on the 10th?". Jack begrudingly admits to his crime.

"Well, the ball went clean through the windscreen, the shock caused the 82 year old driver to have a heart attack"

"Sorry officer, what should I do?"

"Well try opening your stance a little"

Around about 1975 the Master of Charterhouse [main speaker] told a very elongated version of that second joke at a club dinner dance.
I think about 80% of the room must have heard it at least three times before..........it was an extremely long 10 minutes which much to his surprise ended with muted applause.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

Goodness Homer!
Do you just post 2 lines on every thread, then click "next" ?

I think homer is worried that Phil might catch up his post count

 

[Tongo]

Me and my old man play golf on Christmas morning, weather permitting. We tee off about 8.30 at Leckford near Andover in north Hampshire.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

I think homer is worried that Phil might catch up his post count

Even i couldnt match that postathon today - that was impressive to post that amount of two liners on every single thread

 

[HomerJSimpson]

And this has what to do with the thread!! Mods?

 

[palindromicbob]

And this has what to do with the thread!! Mods?

Wouldn't worry about it Homer but at this rate try and save your 40,000th post for xmas day. Currently projected to happen on 23rd December