Favorite golf joke

Toad

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Whats your favorite joke about golf?
I think this one sums up all us golf addicts perfectly.

Two friends are playing golf at their local course. One is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "That is the most touching thing I have ever seen. I never knew you were such a sensitive man."
The man replies: "Yeah, well, we were married for 35 years."
 

brendy

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Shamelessly copy pasted but is my fav

A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Verde, Fla., exactly the way the pros do it.

The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.

Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer.

However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying:

"Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one."

The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again:

"Wait.
Step back. Take a practice swing."
So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

The voice boomed out again:
"Take another practice swing."
Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited ...
A long silence followed ...

Then the voice again:

"Use the old ball."
 

Toad

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A little old man boards a bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sits down next to a beautiful young lady, and she can't help but glance quizzically at the man and his bulging pockets. It's an uneasy few minutes before, finally, the little old man can take no more. "Golf balls," he nods reassuringly. The lady seems a little shocked, and stares on. Moments later, she says: "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
 

shanker

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A young American couple are in the honeymoon suite and the girl tells her new hubby, ''You ain't the first guy I been to bed with''. The young guy is shocked and discovers that his bride had been with none other than Tiger Woods. He forgives her and they get down to consummating their union. After an hour he staggers towards the phone saying he wants to ring Room Service for refreshments. The young bride is disgusted and tells her new husband that ''Tiger wouldn't think about food and drink at a moment like ths'' He goes back to bed and does his duty once more. An hour later he staggers off the bed telling his missus that he must ring room service for a steak, chips and a bottle of wine. She tells him, ''If only Tiger was here!''
This goes on for hours and the poor guy finally totters towards the phone, hardly able to stand. His young bride says, ''You ain't gonna ring room service, honey?'',
The groom, completely knackered, tells her, ''No, honey. I'm gonna ring Tiger and ask him what's par on this hole''
 

madandra

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The treasurer at the golf club said to the new sexy barmaid

'if I can have sex with you once, I will give you £500

I will put it on the floor and I promise I will be done before you pick it up'

The girl refuses and walks away but after giving it some thought she calls her boyfriend who tells her to ask for £1000.

THREE hours later the boyfriend phoned her to ask what had happened and she said



'The old bugger is using 10p peices !!!!!!!!!'
 

rgs

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Tiger puls into a petrol station in Kerry in his hired BMW during his usual practise for the Open-a tee falls out of his pocket-the petrol attendant asks whats thats?

Tiger replies thats for resting my balls on--

The attendant goes Jaysus BMW think of everything.
 

brendy

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Tiger puls into a petrol station in Kerry in his hired BMW during his usual practise for the Open-a tee falls out of his pocket-the petrol attendant asks whats thats?

Tiger replies thats for resting my balls on when im driving!

The attendant goes Jaysus BMW think of everything.
Good joke ill keep you right :)
 

Tommo21

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So the threesome tee off and big hitting Jake hits the ball into the rough. His playing partners say you better hit a provisional. Jake said I’ll find it okay with this gadget. Interested the two others go with him and he brings out this small box that was omitting an ever increasing beep and as they get near the ball. Jake was straight to the spot, hacked out, onto the green with the next and sank the putt for a par.

Jake said this is amazing, you just can’t lose you’re ball. One of his playing partners asked where to get them and Jake replied I don’t know I found this one :) :)

Well that’s the best I can think of and it is my first post.
 

GB72

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A lady golfer comes running of the course in agony. Approaching the pro she yells 'I've just been stung by a bee'. 'Where' asks the pro. 'Between the first and second holes'. 'Your stance is too wide'says the pro.

Not great but do not know that many golfing jokes
 
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