FAO: All Married Men

[connor]

im having 2nd thoughts but not about my wedding purely over my best man choice!
its less than 6 months to go and he is so unorganised/disinterested im thinking about changing but dont want to ruin a friendship and cause a lot of hassle. I picked him as i known him the longest ojut of all me mates but now wishin i picked my other mate who is one of my ushers and lot more on the ball and reliable.

All he seems interested is getting pissed and making a speach and seems to think this is the only job of a best and i know HID is gettin livid with him as well.(and me parents)

ive tried to drop subtle hints etc then i ended up organising part 1 of the stag do. Problem is he talks a good game but thats it! I basically invited booked and took deposits for a golf wknd for 12 of us.
Now theres part 2 was gonna do a wknd away in torquay with my none golf mates and he is being awkward saying how getting time off will be a pain (he works in a pub!) I gave him a list 3weeks ago he has contacted no one!
So next i suggest perhaps go-karting in the day and then newquay on the beer in the evening or go to falmouth on a booze cruise. Again to a limited response of yeah im looking at it.

Fed up of all the lads now asking me and i dont have an answere for them now some have even offered to help organise it/do it all if he dont pull his finger out.

Sent him a txt this evening saying "alright mate i know your real busy but ppl keep asking about stag do. They have also offered to help organise it if it helps u out and makes things easier"

had no response yet.


Anyway so did anyone think about or actually change there best man and if so was it alot of ball ache doing it? Or is just me with these problems

 

[AuburnWarrior]

Six years ago I was due to be someone's best man. My Wife was pregnant with our first child. My mate wanted to go to an Eastern European country for his stag weekend. My Wife was having issues with the pregnancy so I didn't really want to leave the country. I told my mate that I couldn't make his stag weekend if it was abroad.

He relieved me of my best man duties.

We've never spoken since.

 

[Lump]

Its your wedding/stag do. Tell him straight, dont sugar coat it. If he's any sort of friend he'll understand.

 

[Heidi]

Sack him!
nothing worse than a useless lazy friend
his speech will probably be terrible too!

my bridesmaid was super lazy, she couldnt even be bothered to RSVP to the wedding invite!

Choose a good golfing friend instead

 

[Val]

Split the difference, don't change him add another, 2 best men and the new choice may drag the other along.

Lots of men have 2 best men at their wedding now, last 2 weddings I was at did.

 

[connor]

i got 2 ushers so might get them to help him.

trouble is as auburn warrior said they havent spoke since that happened. But that was special circumstances my BM is just a lazy tike!
wouldnt know how to say politely look mate your useless and i cant trust you to pull through for me on the day

 

[Val]

i got 2 ushers so might get them to help him.

trouble is as auburn warrior said they havent spoke since that happened. But that was special circumstances my BM is just a lazy tike!
wouldnt know how to say politely look mate your useless and i cant trust you to pull through for me on the day

Just come right out with it then

 

[connor]

but it needs to be tactfully so i dont loose a mate of 23 years. bit of a awkward one really. tried dropping hints etc

 

[jpenno]

i got 2 ushers so might get them to help him.

trouble is as auburn warrior said they havent spoke since that happened. But that was special circumstances my BM is just a lazy tike!
wouldnt know how to say politely look mate your useless and i cant trust you to pull through for me on the day[/QUOTE]

Invite him round for a drink and leave this page open on your laptop

 

[Crow]

If he's as lazy as you say he'll probably be glad if you picked someone else to do it.

And after 23 years I'm sure your friendship could stand it.

 

[JustOne]

I'd speak to you're usher buddy tell him what you think and see how he feels. No point giving him the job if he's not up to it either .. if he is then choose him. tell him ideally you want someone who will practically run the day on your behalf, a few quirky surprises and an alright great time for your family and guests.. if he doesn't want in then you're stuffed and will have to do all the legwork yourself.

 

[daymond]

If your best mate is as you say it could be the cock up of the year. He probably thinks all he has to do is turn up(late) probably and give a cringeworthy speach.
Having been a best man many years ago I remember how much preparation is involved and how much he needs to do from ceremony to the end of the reception.
The primary thing the BM must do is relieve you of worry,hastle etc. etc.
PS If you go with him and he gets you late to your wedding never speak to him again.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

To me it looks clear cut. Tell him straight your reservations about him not being up to it and the fact that the future HID is getting the rats too and see what he says Let him know you are thinking about askign someone else. Its your day and you need it to be right. Its stressful enough without trying to second guess whether the BM is going to do his duties or worse still make an arse of himself and ruin it for everyone. Thats without even taking the stag events into account

 

[Qwerty]

Unless he's the type who spits his dummy out at the slightest thing ( I know a few of these) just have a word with him and tell him to pull his finger out, tell him your concerns and that you need some help getting things sorted.

If your still not happy just do what needs to be done yourself, no point falling out over it,just bear in mind that he kinda let you down in future.

 

[connor]

yeah i think a tactful chat might be the best way. ok the stag do im not fussed i can sort that. but on the day i expect him to like people have said help make it run smooth as possible and no grief or stress of the day to be imparted on me let alone my mrs! I kind of holding faith he will pull through in the last minute and play an absolute blinder BUT its whether i want to risk the whole day on me mate who im doubting.

 

[JustOne]

He's supposed to be the one to put you in the fancy car, get you to the hotel.... prepare the wife... OK, scrap that bit.... but you know, you need someone up to the task... or a team of people if possible (again, not for the wife) :mmm: you know what I mean.. you're supposed to have one shot at this... this is your RYDER CUP DAY!!!! don't miss the putt!!!!!!!!!

 

[sev112]

tell him yuo are going to get the bridesmaids to do it

 

[richart]

If he is a good friend and you have known him all that time, have a chat with him. You may find he is looking for someone to help him, or even be relieved of best man duties but doesn't want to let you down.

 

[connor]

well either the boy is pshycic or got gist from my text.
He just rung me he didnt reply as hes been in his evening class. He is sorting the date tomorrow he can have off with his boss then tomorrow evening comin round here to sort karting out then the evening antics. He is phoning bus companies tomorrow as well for prices.


hmmmmm do i give him the benafit of the doubt for a little bit? he sounded quite promising on the phone and was quite apologetic for not being in contact.

 

[fundy]

just get him to read this thread